Social Anxiety Forum - View Single Post - Confidence and Arrogance...finding true confidence???
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post #11 of (permalink) Old 02-07-2007, 08:45 AM
mico
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 45

Re: re: Confidence and Arrogance...finding true confidence??


Quote:
Originally Posted by Halcyon
I think I'm an extrovert naturally but I hide it because I fear the ridicule I've received in the past (Elementary school etc bullying) So I've held that side of me back and I'm scared to let loose and be child like...
That's another argument entirely, I often think the same of myself, just the SA holding me back.

Anyways

Quote:
...there have been times when I'll let my guard down and just let loose and in that moment I THINK i'm aware but then i'll look back and know I was acting on arrogance and then really regret some of the things I did and the ways i acted...Embarrassing and fear of going back around those people
You have hit something else here. The post mortem. You show a heavy emphasis on going back to what you done, mulling it over, picking out the negatives, feeling the embarrasment, then no doubt going back to the start and going through it all again?

Sure, we learn from our mistakes, and some amount of past reflection is healthy. Going through our past experiences with a fine tooth comb and a negative bias, is not. That's a big problem for almost everyone with social anxiety and it's certainly one of the driving forces.

Don't get me wrong, I understand the logic. You go through your past experiences and you seek solutions. What can you change, etc. Makes perfect sense, huh? What I will say may sound very counter-intuitive, and it is, but it can make a huge difference. The very act of going back to your problems, analysing them and seeking solutions, for the most part keeps you locked into your problems. You get what you focus on. You focus on your problems, what do you get? You are what you think.

Forget about your problems, focus on what you want. It's ok to reflect once in a while, but doing it all day is nothing but massochism. Go over them once, then leave it, once is enough. Or even give yourself an exercise and see how many positives you can spot in there.
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