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post #20 of (permalink) Old 01-29-2011, 02:29 PM
trendyfool
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Bellingham, Washington
Language: English
Gender: Male
Age: 26
Posts: 2,491
These stories make me so happy and proud of everyone!!! It's so amazing to hear how much people have grown. rytaco, you've taken all your experiences and learned from them without being bitter about your struggles, and theuprising I totally know what you're saying about thoughts--having bad thoughts doesn't make you a bad person.

So as for me...I'm a senior in high school right now. I'm not graduating this year. I've missed so much school over the past three years. So in terms of factual evidence you could say I haven't made much progress. But in other ways I've made a lot. I've come a long way from the person I was two years ago.

I was always a shy kid, and I remember feeling like I couldn't say what I wanted to to other kids as early as age 4. I always had at least one friend growing up but things were always strange and unsatisfactory for me socially--I always felt that I couldn't communicate with anyone.

That continued until about 10th grade. That year it finally became clear that I had severe depression. I stopped going to school for a long time, and since then I just haven't been going consistently. I started getting paranoid, and I saw government plots everywhere that I read about in sketchy online forums. I played computer games about six hours every day, and I started to cut myself...it was a horrible period of my life. Then I got obsessed with personality tests for about a year, I literally thought about nothing else.

Anyway, things started to get a little better after that. As of about 8 months ago I'm paranoia-free and haven't been obsessed with anything.

but the big change happened a few months ago. I tried to kill myself, and I was sent to the hospital. I met so many amazing people there who made me realize some important things:

1) that you can have a mental illness and still live life to its fullest
2) that no one deserves to hate themselves, including me
3 that I don't have to be ashamed of having social anxiety and depression

since then I've accepted a lot of stuff about myself I used to hate. I know I'm an anxious person, that I tend to obsess over things, and that I overanalyze social situations. And I know that I'll be able to live relatively happily as I learn how to deal with these parts of my personality. I started CBT and I love my therapist, it's really helping and I'd recommend CBT to anyone who has the option of using it. I've kept in touch with my hospital friends, and I've started talking to more people from my school. I have four or so close friends and I love them so much. That they stick with me means the world to me. I've been realizing that I'm a good person who has a lot to offer to my friends, and that if I just start talking to people it makes me happy. Also, I've started dressing sort of fashionably, and that makes me feel a lot better about myself.

I still need to go to school way more, and I still yo-yo between pretty bad anxiety and feeling okay every couple weeks (I just started to feel okay again). But I've already gotten a lot better and I know I'll keep recovering. I'm actually fine with not graduating on time because I wouldn't have been ready for college. I hope to go to a four-year college at some point and major in english.Anyway not the most dramatic story but yeah you guys are awesome
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