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post #19 of (permalink) Old 01-11-2011, 01:41 PM
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rytaco's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Mass
Gender: Male
Age: 31
Posts: 12
Try to make this is short as possible.

I'm new here, and excited about this place. Few people know about my anxiety and the damaged it's caused besides my girlfriend, a few close friends, and my family. Still fewer know about the triumphs I've had over it

I remember when I was 13, I had my first moment of irrational anxiety ever. I was sitting with a teacher, and all of a sudden, my face started to get red. It got redder and redder and redder until she noticed and said I looked sick. She excused me to go to the nurse. I don't know what happened, but that day, I swear a switch was turned on in my brain that remains to this day.

Highschool was sweating and blushing and shaking. I was tired all day, could barely concentrate. But I had friends, people liked me. I hated myself. When I was 17, I learned that I had celiac disease (can't eat wheat/gluten- no cookie cake pizza doughnuts bread pie etc). Amazingly, the removal of these foods from my diet took my anxiety way down. I felt more clear headed and confident. I looked fitter and healthier.

In college, that switch I mentioned earlier still existed despite the gluten free diet. I felt anxious and nervous all the time- though less in severity. But I definitely still had a disorder. I kicked a girl out of my room once before hooking up because I was so afraid of not being able to perform.

Still, everyday I found myself getting better. On top of the diet, my doctor helped me discover meditation to control my blood pressure. THis helped alot. Then two things happened this past year that almost killed me:

- I did mushrooms
-my parents got divorced

I'll save the mushroom talk for another time... but it gave me profound insights into life/ religion... but it also changed my anxiety in a unique and puzzling way... I started having panic attacks that were related to metaphysical/philosophical issues.

Luckily, these attacks were extremely intermittent. Also, they occured so infrequently that I did not seek help for them... until I came home from school may of 2010 and my family moved- me with my mom and dad to an apartment. Until that time, the attacks had only happened 3 times or so, and at school.
It appeared that my anxiety was so severe that it was causing me to separate from reality via a panic attack- and that the mushrooms may have helped train my brain to do this. My formal diagnosis is still GAD- I'm currently med free and happy. Still have the hot girlfriend who stuck with me the whole way! Still have my buddhism and faith (which the mushrooms gave me- don't regret em!) Still have my life! Still in college and getting A's- and now I have this forum to share in. THanks guys... sorry for the length
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