I wish I were perfect.
So do I. Literally every day, I ritualistically get rid of all my physical flaws in my head. I visualize the flaw being removed and I analyze how much better I would look if I didn't have it. I can't fantasize about sex, cuddling or any type of physical intimacy if I don't perform this ocd ritual, my sex drive is very low because of this. Before I lost my job, what bothered me was the attention I received about my looks but my flaws themselves only bothered me a little. Now I've become so aware
of them and how turned off the women I view as desirable would be by them. What makes it so harsh is that I didn't always have these flaws (ie. stretch marks, chronically dry lips, ) so I have to analyze how much better things could be if I didn't have them, especially if I were smart enough to prevent them from happening in the first place.
I haven't wanted a girlfriend since I was 19-20 years old but I find myself thinking how great it might be to have one.