Social Anxiety Forum - View Single Post - The Toxic Shame thread (the cause of SA for most)
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post #10 of (permalink) Old 08-24-2010, 08:18 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
Join Date: May 2004
Gender: Male
Posts: 614
LostPancake, thanks for your input regarding toxic shame. You are a good example of someone that "gets it" when it comes to understanding how this soul-murdering condition can affect a person.

You mentioned the book by Dr. Robert Glover titled No More Mr. Nice Guy, and I agree with you that it is a great book! Funny thing is, I was actually planning to post about Dr. Glover's book in this thread at some point, but since you brought it up I will briefly talk about it right now.

First of all, it is important that everyone not be fooled by the title of the book. It has absolutely nothing to do with being mean or a jerk. Now that this has been made clear, here is what I think about this superb book. I believe Dr. Glover's book No More Mr. Nice Guy is every bit as good as the books by John Bradshaw that I've talked about in this thread. The biggest difference to me is that Dr. Glover uses the term "Nice Guy Syndrome" as the main subject. However, if you read between the lines, you will realize he is actually talking about toxic shame as the actual problem. He even mentions the term "toxic shame" consistently throughout his book. It is my opinion that Dr. Glover's book has better solutions than does John Bradshaw's books. However, I will say I think Bradshaw's books are better at going into detail as to how TS affects people and he does a better good job of explaining other various aspects that are related to the condition.

In my original posts above, I mentioned for everyone to get the books by John Bradshaw. The reason I didn't mention the "No More Mr. Nice Guy" book in those posts was because of my concern that it would confuse some people. This is because of the name of the book, and also because of the fact that Dr. Glover talks of 'Nice Guy Syndrome' in his book. However, Nice Guy Syndrome is really the same thing as toxic shame. So don't let that confuse you. Anyway, it is just as important to add Dr. Glover's book as one that everyone here needs to read. And, since it is essentially about TS, I think not only men can benefit from it, but women as well. As one of the members of Dr. Glover's forum said:

"Bradshaw's book is more of a starting point. Glover's book is a continuation. He picks up where Bradshaw left off."

EDIT: If you are a female and just prefer not to read the book then that is OK (because it IS a book geared towards men and, thus, quite a bit of it is specifically "men intensive"). I understand if you choose not to read it. But the good news is that I have included a lot of the important info from Dr. Glover’s book & website in the Outer Work document of my TS healing plan. Regardless if you (women) choose to read his book, you can still benefit from all the other info in my healing plan and of the info throughout this thread.

Also, if you are a female, I want to point out that I am aware of a book called Nice Girl Syndrome by Beverly Engel. It apparently is similar to Dr. Glover’s book (Dr. Glover’s book is about Nice Guy Syndrome, although obviously the title of his book is different). Her book has received very good reviews at the Amazon website. If you are a female then you may want to consider reading her book. Here is a link to her book at the Amazon website:

As for the men here, I definitely recommend to get No More Mr. Nice Guy.

In addition to Dr. Glover's book, I think it is very important to also visit his forum. He has some excellent articles there posted as stickies that are equally as worthy as his book (if not even better in some instances!).


"Shyness can be a serious problem when it is rooted in toxic shame." - John Bradshaw, toxic shame expert

Visit this thread link to find out the cause of SA for most of us and what to do about it:
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