I have gone to great lengths in this post to give you an idea what being on Nardil entails, but maybe the best thing to do is to give you my personal testimony.
Nothing did nothing short of changing my life. My social anxiety has waxed and waned over the years but it has always been there and has always limited my life, more often than not severely.
This is a story of how I was in the past year leading up to me taking Nardil. There were times before this that I was even worse, when I lived like a hermit for years, through my best years (late teens and early 20's) I was very sick and suicidal then. I am in my early 30's now.
Before I started Nardil I hated going on public transport, I would get panic attacks, be nervous about making eye contact with people, nervous about sitting next to people. I found the whole thing extremely stressful and more than once got off early to walk because I felt so confined and anxious.
On a weekend I would get invited out with people but I nearly always turned them down because I knew I would have to drink heaps of alcohol to even come close to enjoying myself and then suffer even worse panic attacks for days to come because of the alcohol.
I would get attacks of social anxiety to the point where I would become highly anxious around my family and good friends that I have known for years. I would become mute and couldn't speak. To the point where it was nothing short of strange. I would feel so embarrassed about this and I would get flashbacks of this embarrassment which would stop me in my tracks as I walked down the street.
Work was a nightmare, it took all my will to force myself to go in a few times per week, I would often do night shifts so I didn't have to interact with people. Night shifts would make my SA worse, it was all crap. I couldn't remember anyone's name, I constantly felt like I was doing a bad job no matter how hard I tried and as such I didn't want to try, I resented my job because it made me feel so bad. I couldn't build relationships with my work colleagues and became totally overwhelmed even with a light workload. I took heaps of sick days, I quit multible jobs. I suffered migraines, I could only breath through my mouth because my nose was always blocked. I had fibromyalgia, I was always full of aches and pains. I finished work utterly mentally and emotionally exhausted. It was hell and for no good reason. The job was not that hard, I just couldn't stop stressing out and panicing about it.
I had huge amounts of trouble sleeping, my thoughts would race, I would get stupid songs repeating over and over in my head that wouldn't go away and drove me insane. I had terrible nightmares, I slept in longer and longer every day and had huge trouble dragging myself out of bed. Even a small disturbance in my sleep would make my mental state even worse.
I was so depressed, I felt so lonely all the time, constantly dissatisfied I hated the world and was extremely anti about everything and everyone. I would always find the worst in everything. I always felt low and down, I literally dragged my feet and was so obviously depressed. I would have trouble speaking and be just sad and down. Whenever the depression lifted the anxiety would get worse and vice vesa. I went through a long periods of lying in bed, hardly eating and not even washing.
I would get disturbing and bizarre OCD symptoms that were hugely socially disabling even on top of my anxiety.
I isolated so much, spent huge amounts of time on the internet. I would constantly trawl forums looking for the magic something that would cure me. I would constantly ruminate about the meaning of life and what I should do with my life rather than living it.
I tried everything and I mean everything, ssri, tricyclics, TCA's, SNRI's, mood stabilisers, antipsychotics, stimulants, every herbal thing you can imagine as well as a huge variety of recreational drugs. I tried psychotherapy, CBT, hypnosis. Nothing worked.
This huge list of things I listed above are no longer an issue. My anxiety is 95% gone, no panic attacks, no depression.
This is my third time on Nardil, the other times I tried it and stopped it because of the side effects. This time I am working through them.
Life is sweet, I love coming to work and am making great money and putting in big hours.
No aches and pains, no migraines, I can have a few drinks without massively paying for it the next day. I have hope and plans for the future. I go on dates, I make new friends. I dont care what people think about me anymore.
I have a life
I love life.
Please do not suffer any longer, I read some of the posts on this site and my heart goes out to you, because I used to be there.
If all else fails, give Nardil a go. I know the side effects sound a little scary, but the fact is that when you feel good, you can cope with these things. I would cope with a lot more to stay on this medication.
Enough said...for now