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post #4 of (permalink) Old 01-14-2021, 03:38 AM
truant
Narcissistic Rageaholic
 
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Cislandia
Gender: Transgender
Age: 48
Posts: 10,167
My Mood: Brooding
I've written about this a lot, too. People don't want to hear me whining about it again, haha. Here's one of my most recent posts about it.

I don't think I'd call what I have social anxiety disorder, even though it looks an awful lot like it a lot of the time. I'm not really worried about people's opinions of me, or about making a fool of myself. (I was in the drama club in hs, for example.) I don't think I worry about that sort of thing any more than most people.

What I'm afraid of is physical violence. I'm crazy hypervigilant about it and irrationally afraid that random people are going to try to hurt me. It interacts in really unfortunate ways with my OCD (which is about violence). And there probably is some kind of link between that and the bullying I got when I was younger. But otoh, I wasn't bullied any worse than a lot of other people, so my reaction is really way out of proportion to what it should be. Which is where my genetic predisposition comes in. (I come from a family full of people with anxiety disorders.)

I am finally getting professional help. Though I'm not sure my therapist knows what to do with me yet.

Beauty isn't everything. It's the only thing.
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