I'm kinda with you on this one. Can't really say anything has changed for me. Still cringe at past mistakes. Still get depressed every now and then. Definitely lost motivation during this time but I can't really say I was entirely focused before either. As it has been, I'm still alone (living with parents but you get me).
Still can't get people to like me even remotely. Don't understand relationships. Still want something special. No clue how to be "normal".
“Though I have always made it my practice to be pleasant to everybody, I have not once actually experienced friendship. I have only the most painful recollections of my various acquaintances ...
― Osamu Dazai, No Longer Human