Social Anxiety Forum - View Single Post - Negative Traits you Tolerate
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post #8 of (permalink) Old 11-22-2020, 08:01 AM
donistired
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Join Date: Nov 2018
Location: United States
Language: English
Gender: Male
Age: 24
Posts: 830
1. Traits you consider negative, but you can still like people who have them?

I'm probably gonna have to come back to this one later.

2. Traits most people would consider negative, but you don't?

Quietness. If you're quiet, I find that to everyone else you're like a blank slate, and they can believe anything about you. I've been seen as snobbish before because I don't talk much (as though they think that I think I'm too good for it. The reality is I greatly admire people who are talkative and would give anything to be comfortable and capable with verbal expression). Quiet people take the brunt of people's expectations and judgements, whether those expectations are positive or negative. On the reverse, some people think the best of me because I'm quiet, but that's uncomfortable because it makes me feel like I have to be perfect or I'm worthless which isn't true. I'm afraid of letting people down. I'm secretive around people, because I genuinely don't like myself, and I expect that same pattern of hostility from the world around me. In my mind, I couldn't be anything other than hated.

3. Traits you hate in yourself but can like other people who have them?

Self-centeredness. I'm more selfish than I like to admit. I've always been preoccupied with my own burdens, whether it be mental ones or physical ones. I fear giving my time to people, because I fear exhaustion. I've got my own burdens that exhaust me enough. But my username might indicate that haha.

There's an episode of the Last Airbender after Toph is incorporated in the group, she takes care of herself, but she hasn't learned to care about anyone else--that's probably me.

4. Traits you can tolerate in yourself but not in others?

Quick to rejection--in my fear of rejection, I've actually basically basically rejected people before I gave them a chance to reject me. Privacy, quietness, staying the hell away from people, are all my ways of staying safe and trying to protect myself from expectations and judgements. But that means that it's possible that I've traumatized people with the same rejection and disinterest that I internalized at some point. I sometimes worry I've made more people just like me in the world.

5. The One Positive Trait (OPT) that if the person has it you forgive any other flaw they have?

Acceptance, because this is at my core, probably what I want most. When I encounter people who truly don't mind me, they're proving to me that not everyone is as hostile as I think they are.

Life's Wack
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