Sorry you're having such struggles with your appearance bro, it's obviously quite distressing, so my heart goes out to you.
I'm not making a diagnosis here but did you know there's a mental health condition known as Body Dysmorphic Disorder
or BDD? Yes, many, many people struggle with it from what I know, and in terms of looking into possible ways to overcome these self hurtful thought patterns you're having, it might pay to take a look at the many things known about it on the internet. Because if it's considered a mental health issue then there is, in all likelihood, many suggestions into how to deal with it. BDD - Body Dysmorphic Disorder. You may find help in that area. YouTube, as well.👍