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post #12 of (permalink) Old 10-16-2020, 01:18 PM
Stoicism / ACT / CFT
SplendidBob's Avatar
Join Date: May 2014
Location: UK
Language: English
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,796
@truant from either or all directions, or maybe placing multiple layers of semi transparent paper / fabric over the mirror, and removing one / two at a time. Could set up using a window to see how clearly you can see something face-esque behind at each unveiling, then set up enough on the mirror so you know you cant see yourself, and you can do it from safety.

So long as each step is gradual enough for you to be able to handle that step while being in the, ideally 3-6/10 anxiety range, that's perfect. You can go higher, and the sad truth I have found is you have to sometimes (been hammering away at 7-9/10 tasks for a while now, but if I had any other way id be down at 5-6, because its very hard to cognitively defuse from).

me: "I now shall invite the anxiety that is a yellow blob into my stomach where I feel it, and make room for it. I accept you yellow blob of anxiety"
9/10 anxiety: "get me the **** out of here I'm literally going to die, and I am not just a blob, I'm a pus worm and I'm spreading through your entire body"
me: "It's fine I've made room for you, I accept you, I shall let you float away like a leaf on a stream"
9/10 pus worm: "not when you are dead, you wont, ****er. Turn off zoom"

lol. It does sortof help, maybe drops anxiety scores down 1-2 points or something - but i think yeh, 5-6/10 anxiety at each step is for the best. But if you do this and log scores, you might find your estimations are off (high). Happy to brainstorm with you on this one if you want to make it as bearable as possible.

Yeh, the psychology, I feel this is one of those things where its possible to carefully design it, to graduate the exposure slowly enough, that it makes the perfect candidate for a graded exposure hierarchy. I also know that your brain is a good one, like mine, and if you try to understand your way out of it, you will be stuck forever, because your mind will come up with unlimited ways to deflect you, like wot how mine does. I see exposure as a rather intellectually unsatisfying clumsy brute of a thing, but a thing that works very well if exposure can be carefully controlled enough, and the individual has the courage (and support) to stick with it. Its with a sortof reluctant sigh that I end up having to use it on myself though, not least because its just so god damn disappointingly mechanical.

Its like building a computer to beat the best player in the world just by throwing more processing power at it. Its just so ****ing inelegant and unsatisfying, but at the end of the day when any mobile phone cant be beaten by anyone in the world its time to throw in the towel and just give up lol.

Its also a little bit like knowing you have to eat a **** cake, and the only way you can down it is by cutting it into slices lol. Ho hum.

But thinking of you, and hope its something you can overcome, or overcome enough . (totes believe you can, btw).

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