Things were looking great from a socializing point of view in my life. I became really popular at my retail job with all my coworkers because I was the life of the party at parties. Alcohol made me the person I was meant to be. I made alot of friends. Became close friends with a girl who I loved for 2+ years. She didn't love me back, which sucks, but she is the closest I ever got to a girl. Made other friends from work too. Also made friends I met on this website. Last year I graduated college and left my retail job. Alot of the friends I had from work drifted away when I stopped seeing them. I couldn't find a job in my area of study for a year (software development) then this bull**** virus happened and friends started hanging out less because they were afraid (I personally couldn't care less about getting covid). Eventually I moved 4 hours away when I got hired as a software developer. Social distancing combined with leaving my retail job where most of my friends were made led to my social life fading away. Even my cousin barely hangs out because of the virus, so I said **** it and moved 4 hours away. Now I have no friends in this new area. I visit my old hometown about once a month, but it's not the same. 2 years ago I was on top of the world, I felt like I beat social anxiety. I hosted a party at my house and had like 10 ppl come over. I felt like a normie. Now I'm back where I started.
I can't socialize without alcohol, but beer is the only thing that agrees with me. Hard liquor is almost like cocaine in how hard it hits you (I only did coke once over 20 years ago). I have barely drank in 9 years, and barely socialized but that is another story. Yea well if you can be the upbeat life of the party with the witty one-liners, that is what people respond to. i just don't have the energy in me to be that person anymore. I could at least pick up women back then with that personality, was never the life of the party. It just takes energy out of you to not be yourself. Having a superficial personality and being mr. positive and peppy drains me and it almost isn't worth the effort for me. Sorry but you can't call what you had for her love, it maybe was closer to infatuation or intense attraction. I think love is when you are both head over heels and living together and all of that wears off after a year or 2, so love doesn't last forever. That is cool you could make friends and be popular. I personally have had "friends" in the past, and I honestly don't believe in friendship, and find most people to be down-low shady and sneaky, so I stay clear of most people. If you can make friends there, you can make friends anywhere. People stay your friend often while you are both in the same school or workplace, and once it ends, they all pretty much move on. The real question is, do you believe in love or friendship to begin with? Because if you have had a true love or friendship you would see that they are both fleeting and unstable, if they even ever existed to begin with