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I hardly ever have anything to say.

2K views 22 replies 21 participants last post by  Fun Spirit 
#1 ·
There are times when I feel a bit confident and less anxious. And I prepare myself to talk to someone at work, but then I realise I actually have nothing to talk about, my life is so uninteresting (I have no friends, no life outside home and work) I fear that I'll never have anything to talk about. Does anyone ever feel like that, and how do you deal with it?
 
#2 ·
I'm the same. And even when I do have something to talk about, I hardly say anything about it.

I don't exactly deal with it. I'm just the quiet one at work. People like talking about themselves a lot though, so I think it helps to redirect the conversation back to them.
 
#3 ·
I understand. Basically I just watch other people...what they say and how they respond to certain things. And take notes in my head lol. It's definitely easier if the conversation is about something I'm interested in. For example, if my coworkers are talking about video games, all of a sudden I have a lot (my definition of 'a lot' lol) to say.

People like talking about themselves a lot though, so I think it helps to redirect the conversation back to them.
I find this very helpful. Try to think up questions to ask about whatever they're talking about. "Really?" "How did that happen?" "Which is your favorite?" etc.
 
#7 ·
I'll talk to anyone, if they sound boring I'll make my exit, if I say something stupid I'll laugh, if I think I am boring them then I`ll walk...or maybe drag it out a bit longer for them.


I can annoy myself sometimes when I go on.
 
#8 ·
I find myself not wanting to talk about things most people want to talk about. Partly, because I don't find my life that interesting and can maybe come up with a few brief and boring comments about what I do or what I do for fun. I never developed the skill of storytelling like some people do. There's an old man at my place of work (one of my favorite people there) who will walk up to me and just talk about random stuff from his past or something someone said to him that day he thought was funny. I don't mind listening to people do that, but it's just not something I'm good at or comfortable doing. I guess I've learned to keep just about everything to myself. I bore myself when I speak.
 
#11 ·
I don't get why so many people with SA have this problem. It cannot only be because of the anxiety blocking our thoughts, because even when we are not anxious we have nothing to say, or type. I have really poor memory so I can't recall and tell stories with enough details to be interesting or long enough to fill the silence for a decent amount of time. I've thought about this a lot because it affects all my interpersonal relationships, I am losing long time friends, have been dumped by a girl that loved me at first but got bored and tired of me because a lack of communication. Maybe all this years of anxiety have deteriorated my cognitive skills, because anxiety and cortisol kills braincells in the hippocampus(are of the brain associated with memory) and PFC. Though I remember being quiet as a kid too, and anxiety hadn't had time to affect me back then. I still remember telling opinions on specific things and being called knowledgeable for my age. But now I can't express myself on the fly, it's like the thought is there but I can't translate it into words. Maybe it's also because of a lack of practice talking to people? being avoidant of having conversations due to anxiety since a young age has kept me from developing communication skills, though I've always forced myself to socialise and stand the intense stress I feel. I don't consider myself to be dumb, I've always been good at problem solving, STEM and school. I am just not a good speaker I guess. But it sometimes feels like a mental disability, as if SA wasn't enough. I just don't get why so many people with SA have this, maybe it is one of the contributing factors of social anxiety and if we were good at talking we wouldn't always be so anxious, our minds would be distracted in social situations, we wouldn't be so self focused, and probably wouldn't get bad looks from people awkwarded by the silence we bring. It can't be that hard to just talk, you only have to recall something that happened to you and decently articulate it, you don't have to make a complex logical reasoning or be a hilarious comedian, just tell your previously thought out opinion on something or one of the thousands of anecdotes from your life, the thought is already in your brain it shouldn't be so damn hard, it is clearly an issue with long term memory. Sometimes I feel like an NPC with no background, story or interaction in this videogame that life is.
 
#12 ·
I have really poor memory so I can't recall and tell stories with enough details to be interesting or long enough to fill the silence for a decent amount of time... it is clearly an issue with long term memory.
I think a lot of this stems from us not being in the habit of repeating details to others so are brain doesn't store them as much. Like if every time a woman goes to a party her friends ask what so and so was wearing her mind becomes trained to notice and retain that information. I was recently around my cousins and they can talk for hours about how this and that happened and I'm sure everything they told me they probably told at least three other people before me. In other words, the more we care about something, the more vividly we remember it, and for me since I can barely get words out, it's harder to care about things unless it's personally intriguing instead of having general relevance.
 
#13 ·
You know that's so interesting. I notice that about people all the time. They repeat the same story to as many people as possible. It always leaves me like wow they can really talk about that topic. While I'm used to maybe telling one person and that person then relaying it to someone else. Since I've never been that talkative, it's a good point as to why my memory is not as vivid.
 
#14 ·
I feel like this sometimes. Especially when I'm not comfortable with the person or I'm simply not clicking with them. Other times my brain will just be blank and I'll be trying to think of something to say but nothing will come. It can get very frustrating sometimes. You could be just anxious, which I get a lot of the time. I am sure there's someone out there who'd enjoy speaking to you though. :smile2:
 
#15 ·
I'm 100% exactly the same. Mostly don't talk, because don't have interest to the same things as others. Taking notes doesn't work for me, because when it is need, I just instantly forget everything and I'm once again have totally nothing to respond. I'm stupid to a fault...
 
#16 ·
If you really want to be able to say more, then spend more time preparing what you're going to talk about. Whether hobbies, facts, news, jokes, your weekend, whatever... you will have something to say if you're preparing. Off the top of my head with people who I have no connections with, it's hard to talk to people.
 
#17 ·
I used to feel like this around people.

Nowadays less, and I allow (and am happy with) myself to not having much to add to some discussions. Some people just don't have much in common with you (I've noticed this especially when working in a low-end job on holidays, where nobody apart from my bosses has higher education - and with my bosses I can go through a full workday just talking) (Education isn't everything in everything, but it's a pretty good indicator of values and interests)

I'm also relatively analytical by personality, so even with friends when they want to 'chill', I'm usually just not very active in the group. (So just chatting non-meaningful stuff is difficult, although I've improved and gotten through a few meaningless discussions with for example barbers, in the recent years, which I guess is cool.

I think the key is finding common ground - what interests you, and what interests them. So generally you have to open up your life a little bit, and also ask them about theirs. (Also don't focus only on one subject - if it's their #1 passion they live for it might be enough, but if it isn't, then you can't really delve into it that much)
Being passionate about something also gives you tools in discussions; for example I've read psychology and can recall and relate things from it, to subjects not directly about psychology, and view the topics through that lens. (But it also takes a bit of skill to use that in a way that works for the discussion - you need to evolve the discussion with what you say, so that the other person has something to latch onto and continue)

(If I were to give an example, I don't have kids nor am I very experienced with kids, but I was doing a schoolwork with a classmate and had to wait around a bit with her. She has 2 kids, and I noticed pictures drawn by them, and she mentioned having to bring them to daycare so we could work on our project. -> I can talk about my sisters child, and recall some silly stories about her, and what good and bad sides there are, and talk about similar experiences (doesn't matter if her kids do things differently - the fact that they do can push the discussion into another direction which you can continue. Usually in discussions there's also 'branches' from which you choose from as to what you want to talk about, and where to take the discussion, while doing this CONSTANTLY is ill-adviced, sometimes you can backtrack and bring up one of the points you skipped earlier, and continue on that path. Usually also you can flow towards another subject, as an example she mentioned in that discussion that she has a business based on her hobby, -> you could change subject and talk about hobbies and work)

I can't really advice as to HOW exactly practice this as I don't have experience in it - what has worked for me, is basically 'just doing it', which obviously won't work for everyone. Although I also spent(and spend..?) a lot of time analyzing others and my own behavior in social situations, and evaluate the encounters - was the other person being awkward or was it me - either way, what could I have done to make it better?

So to summarize a bit:

Accept yourself as you are - if you have nothing to say, don't feel pressured to say anything. (This doesn't mean accept things as they are and don't change yourself, but if you aren't interested in a subject, you don't necessarily have to be).
Work on your discussion skills.
Analyze your social encounters to learn from them, if you aren't happy with them.
Know yourself as a person - who you are, what are you interested in, how are you (analytical, creative, for example), how to use that as an advantage in discussion.
Get to know the other person - having a discussion with someone you don't know is quite difficult. Also getting to know them IS discussion.

This is of course just my experience and what works for me is not universal advice, so the key is finding what works for you in the end.
 
#18 ·
i don't have much to say either. so i don't say anything.


“Only simple and quiet words will ripen of themselves. For a whirlwind does not last a whole morning. Nor does a sudden shower last a whole day.” — Tao Te Ching
 
#20 ·
Yes, because I'm years behind my own peers. I simply cannot relate to them considering they have pretty much all had at least one or two real relationships, have lost their virginity, drive, etc. I still haven't built almost any of the experiences people in my age group are typically supposed to build in their teenage years.
 
#22 ·
I had this for many years but it has changed the least two years. Mostly because of my job, there's so much going on. I can now have a two hour long conversation with someone I recently met before having to rest and recharge, whereas before it was 2 minutes tops.

Your profession should help you out in learning how to converse with people because it's a subject that you know enough about and you won't run out of things to talk about right away.

Once you get comfortable with that you will naturally get used to socializing about things in general.
 
#23 ·
I feel like this too. My Mo usually do all the talking while I just sit there listing to her. I say a few things in response but nothing like a conversation. With my sister sometimes I find conversation a little easier. I think it all depends on the topic and who you seem to have something to talk about to. It helps to know a person who you have things in common to talk about. I find it easier for me to talk about the unknown, the supernatural stuff more than celebrities and politics. Spiritual talk is up my alley. One on one though. Not in a group setting.:teeth


Maybe try to find someone you feel comfortable in talking too. And if you're worried about it try not to worry. You're only being yourself.:)
 
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