Do you feel isolated?
I feel very isolated. I've lived in the same town since the first grade in 1996, grew up with same people that are around, etc. But I never felt like I fit in at school, and I always felt I didn't fit in, because we moved when I was 7 and my parents weren't from here, so we didn't know any families where I could have made friends at an early age.
Also my parents are alcoholics and I finally figured that out around 10-11 years old and I was embarrassed. There were two brothers that lived one street over from me, and somehow they found out my parents drank a lot. So at school one day at lunch they said loudly in front of everyone to me that my parents were drunks.
So I always tried to hide away from everyone because I didn't want them to know where I lived or what my parents were like. I only ever had someone over once and it was because they just happened to come by on their bike unexpectedly.
Heck, even now I still won't let anyone come over. I finally last month told my best friend that I met in college 10 years ago that my parents are both alcoholics. They said they figured it out already though, even thought they never met them.
But what really upsets me is I go to the gym and places, and I see people that I grew up with and knew from school, college, etc talking to each other and I'm always the weirdo that people either don't remember or they don't care to acknowledge. I don't know which.
On top of that, my best friend is involved in these civic clubs and things and he keeps meeting people that I knew from school years ago, even though he has no idea that I know any of them. Plus he didn't even know them because he didn't go to the same school.
So it's just really weird to me, that I can go out and nobody says hi or knows who I am, and it's sad, because a lot of times I see people around that I used to know 10 or 20 years ago, and they seem so confident and successful and involved in the community, or politicians, etc and I feel like nothing, like a loser and that they wouldn't even remember me. Even though I've tried, so hard to finish school, and college and get a decent job to make a living and better myself. But it feels like I'm nothing like anyone else is. It's an embarrassment. :/
Underneath the cold November sky, I wait for you... As the pages of my life roll by, I wait for you... I'm so desperate just to see your face, meet me in this broken place...
Be a little brave for a little bit of time.