Social Anxiety Forum - View Single Post - Would this be correct way to deal with another's SA breakdown
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post #1 of (permalink) Old 08-22-2019, 09:09 AM Thread Starter
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BarryWilson's Avatar
Join Date: May 2017
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Would this be correct way to deal with another's SA breakdown

I have Social Anxiety that has certainly impeded and halted making headway in life on every front.

I become calm when someone I care about gets upset about something. The opposite of when I get upset

A person who I know and like talked about an incident of Social Anxiety she went through. She and her Boyfriend were attending a wedding and she only knew the Bride and Groom. She first wouldn't shower, as an excuse to not go. Then she decided to go and went through her closet hating how everything looked. Hated how she looked, hated her face and body. Getting frustrated angry wanting to hit things, knock stuff over. Her boyfriend in her words "kindly suggested that they don't go" Perhaps because I have depression and social anxiety I knew that was wrong and not meant in a kind way. She said if she had a nickel for every time a husband or boyfriend suggested not going she'd have a million nickels. I feel the best way is to listen to her, allow her to vent without breaking anything. Show that I am listening, empathize with statements reflecting hers. I understand you think you look terrible. It is frustrating. Then add, Can you take a step back and look at this from an intellectual rather than emotional angle? If that doesn't go over, step back and pick up her discarded clothes don't hang them up but clear the mess. Perhaps say "Are things as bad as you feel they are " Obviously knowing someone well, can find better things to say if they are not cowards. He boyfriend wanted to get out of the situation, he didn't want to help her through it, he wanted to end the drama, not caring if that helped her in the log run.. The fact she has gone through this a million times means there was never communication about her feelings or how to handle them. This would be done at a different time, when anxiety wasn't ruling.
While her SA hasn't stopped her from a 9 year marriage and a 5 year relationship. Mine has

Is my approach a better way to handle the Social Anxiety described going to a wedding. Or is telling her she doesn't have to go a million times the better way?
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