I want people to suffer....RANT
Hey guys so I know that I'm not suppose to feel this way because I recognize that it is wrong but sometimes I wish bad things on people. I suffer from depression anx have been suicidal in the past and I absolutely hate it when people say things like "just be more greatful" or "people have it worse than you" or "oh woe its me" and ect. I also hate it when people call suicide selfish because they are supposedly leaving behind loved ones for two reasons. First of all, some people who commit suicide might not have any genuine loved ones. Perhaps they dont have any friends or they have family members who are abusive towards them. Therefore, they might feel like if they kill themselves they are not actually leaving anyone behind. The second reason why I hate this phrase is because when I was suicidal, i felt a ton of guilt and i felt like a burden on my family so as twisted as it might sound, i felt like i was doing my family a favor by killing myself (yes i know this is not true but this is how i thought and how alot of other depressed people think). For instance, I tried to kill myself by investing 200 tylenol. I went to the hospital and the doctor said that if I would have waited a little while longer then I would have needed a liver transplant which are tens of thousands of dollars. I remember thinking that if my liver were to actually fail then I would rather the hospital just let me die then my dad pay 50000 dollars to get me a new liver. Because if my dad played 50000 dollars for something I did (which he doesn't have the money for) then I am better off dead. Anyway, I sometimes wish that people who say these kinds of things would suffer mental illness to understand how out of touch and ignorant they sound. I'm just very angry right now. I dont actually want anyone to suffer mental illness. It's horrible. I just wish people were not so ignorant and were more empathetic...sorry didn't mean to come off rude.