I'm sorry to hear you've been struggling so. I can relate very much to what you're saying. The physical manifestations of panic can be overwhelming. Have you tried medications such as benzos. They get a bad name but if used situationally they can be a good tool. Note: They can be addictive so if you feel like you're an addictive personality then it might be best to pursue alternative treatments.
I've been using alcohol medicinally for 50 years. Well, the first ten can't be termed medicinal. I got drunk a lot then. But after that I've always used it to a certain degree and it works up to a point, although nothing like it did at first. I've never drank every day. And I'll take extended periods of abstinence just to clean out my system a bit (not sure how effective that is but it puts me at ease a little).
I'm worried you're drinking every day and that it's resulted in the loss of someone. If you're looking for advice the best I can give is therapy. I bit the bullet and went and, yes, I was freaking out but I found an understanding therapist who helped me in ways I didn't expect. Take care.
Hi, thank you for your response! And thank you for your concern. I've actually never tried a medication for my social anxiety. I've heard it can help. I do have a very addictive personality, and that's a huge flaw for me. I was addicted to gambling about 6 months ago and lost almost all of my money, and I ran my credit cards up to the max, plus some more. I'm now trying to dig myself out of debt on top of dealing with social anxiety and consuming alcohol everyday. I just don't know if I'd trust myself to switch from one substance to another (benzos, as you mentioned).
You mentioned you would take long periods of abstinence, and I used to do that, but now I don't. I just give in to the drink because it makes me feel functional.
I do think about that person that I lost due to drinking every single day, so that's also on my mind, but never enough to make me want to not drink. I just think I'm in a dark place, and I need help coming out of it, but I don't know where to look for that help. That's why I started searching for others like me, who could relate and actually suffer from this horrible problem. It's just nice to be able to relate to people who have the same disease, especially the ones who have beat it.
Honestly, therapy has sounded good for about the past 2 months, but I'm just nervous to make the first step towards that. I've searched numerous times on where to get therapy near me, but I never call or follow through on anything. If I went to therapy, I would absolutely have to have a drink or three before going.
It's always been so weird to me because alcohol makes me open up to people, but it also makes me reserved. I don't know.