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post #11 of (permalink) Old 06-05-2019, 09:59 PM
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Mida37's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 2
Great... except accepting anxiety. Erg! My anxiety: It is like I am sad but have almost perfect perspectives on things. I feel balanced yet a feeling of wanting to break free? I feel secure but insecure at how I am viewed. I feel strong but find ways to tell myself I am weak. I am healthy but wonder if my anxiety makes me “sick.”

What a perplexing existing at times!!! This doesn’t even touch the surface of my internal highs and lows. Omg I have learned to love myself, my relationship, my son, my family, myself, my world yet there is still this lingering obsessive thought of “impending doom” or what if I missed something or does everyone and everything know how much I love them, it all!? I fear life sometimes like what is this and where am I!?

Erg. I *am happy! I really am but struggle with these above internal feelings. Yep! The ones no one sees. The fears... I am trying to teach myself to kick it all and just come full circle in happiness. My perspective being always smiling internally and externally.

After writing this I just realized something... maybe this is what happiness is... finding ways to protect by having the highs and lows. Maybe I am normal. Maybe we all have imbalances of some sort. Maybe we all struggle. I know we all do.

I guess what I need to work on is the answers to myself when I am afraid or when I am worrying about it all. That is a serious retraining of my wiring. I can do it. You can too.

Anyways love you all...
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