I wrote something but the page refreshed and deleted it. Ultimately I do the same damn **** everyday. Wake up, rinse repeat, go back to sleep, whatever. Some days I wake up feeling okay, the day feels better, other days I wake up and my world feels like it’s falling apart, then it’s a bad day. It has been like this for years. I worked when I was younger but haven’t had to in a few years, thank god. I don’t even know how make a phone call without days of putting it off, fighting my husband to please make the call instead and ultimately me finally doing it otherwise it’ll never get done. So yeah, definitely unable to function in social situations. The only places I go is dr appointments and the store and the park. I’ve had someone talk to me at the park and it was really strange and hard for me and I wanted to cry.
Sometimes I can be feeling great, but sometimes it just takes one little thing to set me off (I’d say it’s a trigger but that word is so highly used inappropriately that it’s ruined the term). Then my day will be ruined and I will feel depressed for maybe the rest of the day, a few days, weeks. I’m trying to change and get better though, but. I am suffering from ppd really badly.
I know a poet. He’s as sweet as pie, writes poems about me that make me cry. Arthur Miller, 12 years senior, he’s my bugga baby sigh.