All year, Iíve been wanting to tell my mum that I want to try therapy again, but I donít like to bring things like that up. I think itís partly because itís admitting I need help, and Iíve always been anxious when my problems get mentioned because I feel scared to change because that means Iíll have to do things that will scare me.
Iíve read reviews for therapists in my area, and most sound bad, so it might have to be somewhere else, which I know would be okay. Iím thinking of finding a website about one, screenshotting it, then sending it to her in a message with ďDo you think this would be good for me?Ē. Iím going to make myself do that today, even though it might make me feel nervous. It was brought up a few months ago, and she was happy and thought it was a good idea, but nothing else was said. This week seems like the right week because of something she said last night.
Admitting there's something wrong might be one of the hardest things to do. I've put off just admitting for a long time. Mainly because I've felt I've been faced with a lot of man up dialogues and just unhelpful reactions to wanting help even cruelty.
Also, sometimes people will use your vulnerabilities against you. I've had a hard time just trying to allow my self to trust others. But, I've been dealing with substance abuse for over a year along side home bound as well and that's why i haven't been active on the forums for a long time. It's at the point where it's not about what others think about me and what needs to happen.
I think the idea of change is scary for anyone you don't need to have an anxiety disorder to feel this way. But, it is definitely not helpful when you have one.
I think maybe you should find something you are comfortable with and CAN change it the meantime that "wont" throw you into a crisis. You'll know when you're ready and maybe that's just what i'm feeling and very tired also.
Whatever you CAN do you should do. I've read a lot of self help books over the years and really just have faced some inner issues i refused to acknowledge. Maybe, I can send some your way and see how you feel about it.
+Also, I think its okay that i'm not okay and I don't have to keep putting on an everything's cool attitude for others all the time.