Social Anxiety Forum - View Single Post - How to help NEET sibling? Running out of options.
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post #6 of (permalink) Old 05-15-2019, 10:20 AM Thread Starter
the knowledge void
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EDIT: sibling attempted suicide last night.

it would seeeeeem you both would agree that a large dose of emotional distancing should be practiced in cases like this?

(my parents, her therapists, her friends, etc.) countless attempts to reason with her, absolutely nothing changes.
ok i hear you.

"Want" here means that: 1. they are convinced that the change will make their life better, and 2. that they are capable of achieving the change. If a person does not believe that there are better states (because "nothing is worth doing") or that such a state is inaccessible (because "I'm useless") then the change is not possible in their opinion, which is why they don't act.
sounds like plausible psychomechanics.
could we be able to distill/simplify this into "very low self esteem?", i'd say _possibly_ not because of the fear aspect of that behavior set.

You have to use their own reason and desires against them so that they are inwardly compelled by the evidence they already possess.
yes, exactly! it is a matter of translating.
in a way, it would be like you're copying the configuration of your mind's perception of colors, and then importing those into the patient's brain, so that they see colors exactly the same as you.
IOW, reach the same insights, the same way.

they don't have the same opinion of their own capabilities.

mm. i see it now, teacher.

And the more often they fail, the more thoroughly they learn it. And once they learn that they do not have the ability to succeed, they will lose the motivation to change.
So kinda pavlovian, muscle memory type deal here? am i getting warm?

Originally Posted by SplendidBob View Post
, so giving pep talks to try to convince them to want something they already want isn't going to help. They just likely feel they *cant* get what they want.
good point.

Originally Posted by SplendidBob View Post
They probably refuse therapy because they are either scared of it, or don't think it will work.
it's both. but i'd argue that "i won't work" is a byproduct of "i'm scared" - and vice versa.

Originally Posted by SplendidBob View Post
They refuse social services because its usually extremely stressful and often people get treated like ****, and the massive stigma.
it's pretty much just fear of stigma and loss of pride i think (both are interrelated naturally), in sibling's case.

Originally Posted by SplendidBob View Post
1. From the perspective of your relative they probably just see no way out,
i can definitely see the despair/hopelessness/catatonia in them

Originally Posted by SplendidBob View Post
2. so engage in escape to remove the pain. (source, personal experience).
escape has been a huge part yeah, as far as i've gathered the escape is usually

A. a brainfog-fueled loss of time, causing problems like immense procrastination, being late to everything, sleeping whenever, feeling disoriented from not having a functioning circadian rhythm etc etc.

B. escaping into regressed states of mind where responsibilities etc are made invisible, such as it were.
some kind of panicky, fake, nostalgic mind-oasis.

as you may have picked up on, A and B are interconnected and very compatible so to speak.

the demon is the healer
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