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post #1 of (permalink) Old 05-14-2019, 11:49 AM Thread Starter
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: between Worlds
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Age: 31
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How to help NEET sibling? Running out of options.

since all states/cities/countries are different, advice pertaining to finance/govt etc is moot. I am looking for more "overarching" advice.

and thank you in advance to everyone who reads this thread.

My sibling has been NEET for most of their post-K12 life. Current status is NEET for the last 3 years. (dropped out of school a bunch of times & been fired from a few short term jobs before that)

- 25yo.
- Dysthymia, severe GAD, mild SA, undiagnosed moderate BPD, possibly moderate ADD as well. Ambivert.
- mentally fragile (tho rarely self-harms, never attempted suicide and likely never will)
- terrible circadian, usually sleeps during day and gets up anywhere from noon until evening almost every day.
- quit SSRI; generally terrified of prescription psychotropics
- refuses therapy
- refuses schooling/re-schooling
- refuses seeking help from social services

- procrastinates looking for work essentially all the time (picture someone saying "i'm gonna start looking for work next week" for years)

- there is an organisation here who helps people with mental illnesses and addiction problems to get schooling/work. Sibling will not seek them out. and legally, i am not allowed to intervene since sibling is 25yo.

- Sibling sometimes shows motivation/energy/positivity to the point where me and family think "finally, something is happening", only for sibling to hit rock bottom a week later and then nothing happens for months. Rinse, repeat.

- isn't eligible for unemployment benefits, current income is welfare which doesn't even cover half their rent and will run out in like 1 year.

- has uni debts (0 monies due this year tho)

- spends money on snacks and weed while basically having negative income

- no alcohol or hard drugs involved, thank the heavens.

I know that you can't help people. You can only help people help themselves. but I don't know what to do at this point, i feel like i've tried everything in terms of advice, pep talks, being supportive when sibling is reaching out for a shoulder to cry on, and ALL that stuff. Even considered doing an intervention.

Sibling lives with their partner who is quite similar. To be honest i think they're bringing each other down. I have learnt that you shouldn't meddle in other people's social lives and relationships, so i won't interfere. but IMO it would probably be best if they split up or at least moved to separate homes. Sibling's partner is not on the lease.

Our parents keep supporting them financially and i don't understand why. I told my mom several times "if you keep doing this sibling will never learn to stand on their own 2 feet", mom is like "yeah i know but this time is the last time for reals" but the last time for reals never actually is the last time for reals. My parents are true helicopter parents which is a huge factor in why me and sibling ended up like we did; unfortunately sibling got the shorter end of that stick.

My actual, honest to Mithra opinion is that Sibling will have to move back in with our parents within the year because of all the reasons above.
This will produce immense amounts of "holy crap i'm a bigger failure than i could ever imagine"-feelings and will render Sibling even more lethargic and amotivated than before, thus catapulting them even further into the downward spiral of mental illness.

what the hell do i do at this point? i just feel like i'm watching sibling slowly destroy themselves and i'm powerless to stop it.

the demon is the healer
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