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post #114 of (permalink) Old 04-12-2019, 02:35 PM Thread Starter
Tuan Jie
prince charming
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: The Netherlands
Gender: Male
Age: 40
Posts: 675
Originally Posted by Chevy396 View Post
Does anyone else see these drugs as a type of exposure therapy for any kind of anxiety and PTSD? The more you use them the better you get at dealing with extreme anxiety.
In my view anxiety often is a sign of unintegrated trauma. If you find yourself in a situation resembling that, your system detects great danger, resulting in a fight/flight/freeze response. If I look at my case, I believe that a significant part of who I've become is a defense structure against the original trauma of being rejected for who I am. I feel fundamentally flawed and unlovable. This is triggered in many social situations, since the trauma is interpersonal. The level of anxiety is an indication of how much is not integrated and just below consciousness.

What I experienced during my first two aya trips was absolute hell. I just landed in the middle of it. Something has been integrated because of it. I hear from friends that I'm less skittish, more present, more balanced, less cramped. I think unintegrated trauma makes you rigid. Desperate to remain in control. A lot of energy goes into holding up the walls around it. Maintaining a persona, if you will.

So if you finally experience what you've been working so hard to avoid from entering your consciousness, what's left to defend against and to be anxious about? So rather than becoming desensitized, in the case of exposure, I think psychedelics can help you to integrate your past reality. The wall, the default mode network, is put out of business under their influence, so anything in your subconscious can now find it's way up. This may include those exiled parts of yourself that weren't welcome in the past. I welcomed some very vulnerable and innocent little TJ's on my last two aya experiences.

You could view this as exposure to what was and has been stored inside for ages.

((( connect or perish )))
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