Originally Posted by SorryForMyEnglish
What do I see here? I see some relatively adaptive Christian mental gymnastics.
There's no such place in this world and I will not accept it because it's too severe. It's either I cure it or I die because I don't want a meaningless life. I ''can't change the past'', but that doesn't mean I'm doomed to let it affect me forever and not to change internally. It can only be changed with the help of safe relationships that are unfortunately mostly possible only in therapy. People don't have to be rigid, they're capable of change. They can't change the way their parents affect them only in childhood, when they depend on their parents entirely. But the minset of the parents doesn't have to haunt you forever. When you grow up you realize the imperfections and immaturity of parents and it's extremely painful during some time. It's only when you were a child you didn't know anything better and they were an authority for you.
Please speak for yourself, not in the form of ''advices'' for others.
It actually works. I've seen it happen. One example was what brought me here - a bad church experience. Some people call the church I went to a "cult". You know, the leadership can't be questioned and they always have "yes" men underneath them?! They tried to kick me out twice using their own version of doctrine (which was incorrectly applied to me!).
I left that church on June 6, 2004 nearly having a nervous breakdown. What happened after that was completely God-driven. The wife of the pastor - who was THE leader of what I call a "spiritually abusive" church, started getting into BIG trouble with her own family. She lost her brother to cancer and tried to keep his inheritance away from his own family...they sued and won (causing embarrassment to her)...then the church statue that my unemployed money offerings went to was struck by lightning and did almost $1M in damage.....and then she lost her husband to a stroke (he was the lead pastor and a really nice guy despite rumors about him). This was all in seven years after I left. I forgave her, and she did herself in.
Like you, I still have to deal with childhood traumas with classmates, but I started using it as motivation to improve myself. Let them be on their third marriages, or with their 23rd baby dad. I will improve myself and be encouraging to those around me. Block out the bad, but allow the good in!