I know I have AVPD. It's the only way I can explain how deeply ingrained the avoidance of certain things are. Certain things are impossible to stop avoiding. I know why this developed, but even I can't explain why I'm like this still. It's like, the behavior is so ingrained and deeply buried, I can't go that deep to fully explain it. I basically feel like a ****ing insane mad man over this. I've meet people who tell me that I seem like I normal talkative, nice bloke, but they don't know how deeply ****ed up I am. The avoidance of certain things is so bad, it's self destructive and it's like my subconscious doesn't want me to live and want's to kill me. People say to me, "why don't you do this, why don't you try that?" But my heart sinks and I feel like a broken, lost child, because I know I can't do it, I can't keep it up, and none of the things suggested will actually fix a damn thing. None of it takes the pain away. Please, no one reply to this.