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post #18 of (permalink) Old 08-15-2018, 06:15 AM Thread Starter
Nick Attwell
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Dorset uk
Language: English
Gender: Male
Age: 59
Posts: 1,814
My Mood: Angelic
Probably a couple of days a week, I believe; maybe three times a week

My consultant is monitoring me for side effects

Those side effects include confusion, nausea, drowsyness & memory loss & I currently have an intense headache

My consultant says this is normal

He suggests two or three ECT treatments a week, for the next few weeks or months, until I show improvement in my mind set

Today my nurse & partner are here with me as I am online

Earlier after my ECT I did find both my partner & nurse annoying

I wanted to talk to my partner privately so my nurse realised I didn't want her there while my partner & I discussed where we go from here

After my ECT we hugged in my bedroom kissing on my bed. She was so intense; probably because I survived

She told me while she was beside me holding my hand I convulsed; so much so she squeezed my hand

Afterwards, my partner told me she is not going through that again, terrified I was going to die, especially with the convulsions

All further treatment my nurse will be beside me holding my hand, as she wanted to be there for me

Earlier, after my treatment, my nurse gave me a Tamazipan injection to calm me from the ECT. I lost consciousness, as usual, on my bed, with her holding my hand. As she, was, too, when I regained consciousness

I have told her I want those injections each time I recover from ECT

I know the more ECT treatment I have, the more chance I could drop into a coma or die

But, as things stand at the moment I want them. In a way it is like charging the batteries

Last night was very special for my partner & myself

She offered herself totally to me

Naked together we hugged each other tightly and deeply kissed whilst we lay together

She has never before offered herself to me unreservedly. Obviously the fact she trusts me and loves me, knowing I love her intensely.....

All night we were intimate together; holding me tightly believing I may not come out the other side

One thing about my partner she didn't tell me...…………

She has expressed the desire for us to have a baby together, despite the fact she already has conceived four times already. Her kids are no longer kids, having left home and now have their own families making her a grandmother

So what is it she has not told me

Before I was physically castrated we did try for a baby

Whilst we were having physical sex, I noticed from her facial expression I was hurting her

I asked her if she was ok. She just said yes but let's carry on

I knew something was wrong; especially as she was bleeding

I directly asked her what's wrong

It was then she told me

She has internal injuries from being raped by her ex, when she wasn't naturally lubricated

It was from that point I insisted on intimacy without physical sex

It was not long after that, I was physically castrated, on my way to being post TG & the woman I want to be


So now, intimacy is what we both most desire

The more she tells me about what her ex subjected her to, the angrier I feel towards her ex

Now she has told me of her injuries; the more I find it difficult to cope with it

She allows me to feel her, to make her orgasm; she tells me she enjoys this; that it arouses her sexually. Penetration is out. I have actually felt her internally. Her tissue is torn. So the more intimate we are the happier she is

Her internal injuries is why, even pre physical castration, we didn't have penetrative sex after the first time. I know she finds it painful to have penetrative sex

While you SCREAM at your woman, there's a man, wishing he could talk softly in her ear...

While you HUMILIATE, OFFEND, & INSULT her,
there's a man flirting with her, & reminding her, how wonderful she is.

While you HURT your woman,
there's a man wishing he could show her love

While you make your woman CRY,
there's a man stealing smiles from her.
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