Yep. I know that feeling all too well. For most of my life all I ever dreamed about was being in love. But all I've ever experienced in trying to find it is rejection, pain, and heartbreak. You can only bend something so many times before it breaks and when rejection is the only thing you've ever known you eventually stop trying because you've learned to expect it. Outside of my job I live in total isolation. I don't even try meeting people anymore.
There is a line in a Nirvana song which says "I miss the comfort in being sad." I think it is about being comfortable when you don't try. In other words, if you don't try you won't be disappointed. I am in love with a girl I have known for nearly ten years. We are really close and I am afraid if I tell her I will, once again be rejected. There are times though where I get so hopeful, but then I go on line wondering, should I do it? What I find there are other people who tried and lost a friend. Sure it worked for some, but the majority, it seems, it hasn't. I am so scared that I could potentially lose one of the most amazing people I have ever met. But through all of that, I feel like I have to try. It's a damned if you do damned if you don't scenario. I want to believe that all this rejection serves a greater purpose. That is why, no matter what, I will keep trying, even when it brings unbearable pain.
"You're going to fail a lot. Sometimes you'll fail over and over again, but you have to keep trying every time. You can't give up just because there is a chance that you might fail." - Dante Basco