Social Anxiety Forum - View Single Post - Always the friend never the lover.
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post #9 of (permalink) Old 12-13-2017, 02:39 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Detroit, MI USA
Age: 46
Posts: 2,388
My Mood: Lonely
Originally Posted by hwtryan View Post
I am 34 years old and I am still a virgin because of my inhability to be anything more than a friend. I don't know how that ever happened but it seems like I am always friend zoned by women. Maybe because I am a genuinely nice person and I enjoy doing nice things for others. My SA makes it difficult for me to talk to people, and I am fully aware of my social awkward tendencies, and I am working on them. Talking to women ( and people in general) is hard for me, but I have gotten better over the years, I have more friends now, but that is as far as it goes.

While I do have female friends, most of whom are now happily married with children, the ones that aren't just don't seem interested even when I "show them signs" eg extensive touching, awkward attempts at flirting, and showering with compliments just to name a few. I would just come out and tell them but I am extremely sensitive and I get really emotional. Not to mention my SA makes the words get caught in my throat. Plus I don't want to jeperdize the friendship.

I just don't know what to do at this point. I could change my entire personality and be a A hole to everyone but that would make me feel bad. I like being nice but it seems like a double edged sword. My female friends really care about me as a friend but nothing more.

All of my life I have only wanted to love and be loved in return. You can only take so much rejection and failure though before you just break. Maybe I am the problem. Maybe I am not good enough. I wil keep trying and hope that I am wrong, but if the universe has taught me anything over the years it's that I make a great friend. That is, perhaps all I will ever be to anyone I guess it is better than nothing, but it doesn't feel like it.

best of luck to you. I'm currently in the midst of exploring the aftermath of some speed dating events. I did two events before I got a "yes" indicator by someone who said she was interested in corresponding with me. Right now I've had one in-person meeting (in a group setting) and email correspondence ongoing for now. I hope to have a one-on-one date soon, hopefully lunch or something simple like that.

"With great power, comes great responsibility"
Stan Lee, 1962
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