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post #147 of (permalink) Old 05-20-2016, 04:04 AM
Permanently Banned
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: USA East Coast
Gender: Female
Age: 25
Posts: 225
My Mood: Sad
Hi, I've been wanting to share my story somewhere on this site. I had social anxiety my entire life, but my treatment only started when I saw a psychiatrist and began meds. Two years later, I want to share my results with everyone. But I'll begin from the start.

Before meds, I dropped out of college because it was too overwhelming. I had no friends. I couldn't go into stores. I barely survived high school and always skipped school. Etc. etc., normal things for people with SA, although I did somehow manage to keep a job.

We found meds that worked for me. I have been taking Paxil with doses on and off ranging from 10 to 40mg, but finally I've stayed at 20mg. I also have Ativan (spelling?) for anxiety but the Paxil works fine for me because I discovered that I really was more so depressed than anything else.

At the start of taking meds, I began to feel happier. I still didn't talk to people or anything so I didn't really know what to do next. I was just happy for some weird reason. But that was good news! Little by little, I eased back into life. I took college classes a little bit. I ran into a friend from high school there and became friends with him. From there on, I started making more friends from school on my own.

By one year I was feeling spectacular. I was going out, attending college full-time, flirting with a few boys, and eventually started dating my current boyfriend I met in my class. I was doing so good, that I needed more of it, or else I felt like I was failing. I put so much pressure on myself to be more social. But you can only go so far, and for me, it wasn't even really that far. So I was disappointed, but I still felt very decent.

I spontaneously stopped taking my meds like a [email protected] because I thought I didn't need them anymore. I regressed really bad. It was a hard time for me, but I went back on meds and everything was fine again. Finally, I got exhausted trying to force myself to be social. It was a nice little fantasy life for a year, but I was the only one really making an effort to have friends and I will always be introverted, so eventually I got sick of it after a while. Now I've calmed down a lot and still have my boyfriend and one friend I see regularly. I'm still happy, and I still feel better about myself overall. Since then, that's how I've been living.

Basically what meds did for me was make me feel better and less intimidating by normal life scenarios, so that if I WANTED to take action (talk to someone, text, etc) I could more easily do so. If I wanted to. But on my part it still takes a lot of mental "effort" that I just don't really have a lot of simply because I'm naturally introverted and like being on my own more often. Go figure. Even though being with people can also be a blast!!

Overall, so far so good. I hope things continue to be fine. Sometimes I have my really bad days. I'm still very SHY in many scenarios, but I don't feel like the world is going to crash in on me. Sometimes I think I changed LESS than I actually think, but the whole point is about feeling better. I feel good, and that's good. Thanks for reading if you read this entire wall!! I hope it inspires you!
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