Hey everyone, Eric here!
I guess I should start out by saying that I've been suffering pretty bad SAD for a little over 5 years or so. I may have suffered it longer with moderate symptoms I brushed off before so it might be more.
Anyway, I've definitely let this disorder get the better of me and more and more I'm starting to realize how much it's affecting my life, to the point where I really need to start getting rid of this.
I'm 21 now and I can honestly pinpoint some things and events that occurred, especially in my High School years, that have led to my SAD. Since then my inner circle has gotten smaller and smaller, friends dropped off, haven't had a relationship since about the end of middle school (which wasnt much of a relationship). Yes, Ive been single this long and obviously due to my SAD.
Now I'm starting to want to quit my job thanks to my SAD as it seems to have gotten worse. I have my worst experiences at my job because there's so much time to socialize with my co-workers (which you would think is a good thing, but obviously not for SADers). I sometimes will freeze up and just stop doing my job because I'd feel some sort of anxiety attack coming on. And when I leave work, the anxiety may even be worse due to the fact that I retrospectively think, "did I say something wrong? Why did people look at me weird? Was it something I said? I remember being so awkward and stumbling over what I said throughout the day," and so on and so forth. It led to the worst feelings I've ever come across. I usually call them my Car Ride of Hell. I'll be driving home and I'd just feel... numb. I'd look around and wonder what it would be like if maybe I got hurt. "Would an accident be so bad?"
Clearly, this is a scary way of thinking and I absolutely hate that thoughts like that cross my mind. But I can't help it, they just.. do.
Every now and then I'll have a good day though, which is what I don't get at all. There'll be days where socially I'm confident and I feel like I said everything right and I didn't stumble and so on and so forth. Which is what I don't understand and wish someone could give somewhat of a second opinion, even if an amateur one.
To conclude this all, I want to seek help. I've come to grips that the only way of getting rid of this is through some sort of therapeutic process. The thing I'm struggling with is telling my parents and family about it. Idk how to approach them about it and I feel like they'd look at me different if I did. If any of you have any experience with that I'd appreciate some tips to approaching people you care for about SAD
Anyways, that's a bit of my story. I kept it pretty general for now, but in time I'll hopefully be more comfortable with telling everything in full detail. I gotta say, it helps just writing this stuff down and knowing people will read this. Thank you.
Posted via Mobile Device