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Self harm coping mechanisms (Trigger Warning)

3M views 111 replies 84 participants last post by  Persephone The Dread 
#1 ·
Please feel free to share your own coping strategies!

Here are a few coping mechanisms that have helped me over the years. The first batch are for immediate use, so if you are in danger of self harming right now, have a look through them. I'd also suggest a quick call to the Samaritans.

The second batch is for more general use. They can also be used for other destructive behaviours, but it takes more time to implement. I suggest you look at these when you are not in a state of urgency.

After some rambling towards the end, I have included a 'No Self Harm Contract' example. This is one I have made for myself and one that I always keep with me. If you are interested in this, fill out the blanks and keep a copy with you at all times. I'd suggest printing 2 - one to carry around with you and the other to keep at home. This is so when you are in that moment; you know exactly what to do.

After reading through this thread, you might find that certain ideas or concepts pop out more to you than others do. I'd suggest writing these down and ignoring the rest, because when you are desperately trying to find something that works, the last thing you want to do is read through a huge ramble and try to find ones that you forgot about.

Coping mechanisms sorted by emotion for immediate use

SADNESS

  • Write to or call the Samaritans
  • Write down what you are feeling
  • Go to sleep
  • Listen to lively or sad music
  • Write a list of everything you want to do in your life, and make a plan to do one
  • Write to a friend (or call)
  • Go for a walk
  • Read a book
  • Watch something funny
  • Laugh (incompatible emotions - explained later)

ANGER, FRUSTRATION OR RESTLESSNESS

  • Write to or call the Samaritans
  • Punch something (preferably soft, in other words, not a wall)
  • Go for a fast walk or a run
  • Listen to angry music
  • Scream
  • Vigorous exercise (sit ups, push ups, boxing etc.)
  • Throw ice cubes against a shower wall or bathtub
  • Squeeze an ice cube really tightly
  • Scrunch up some paper, unscrunch it and then rescrunch it over again
  • Destroy something (of little or no value, e.g. a book or a toy)
  • Throw things (not at people)
  • Slash an empty plastic bottle or a piece of cardboard or an old shirt or sock etc.

  • Make a cloth doll to represent yourself or the thing you are angry at. Cut and tear it.
  • Stomp on empty cans (with shoes).
  • Have a pillow fight with your wall.
  • Rip up an old newspaper or a phone book.
  • On a sketch or a photo of yourself, mark what you want to do. Cut and tear the picture.
  • Get your hands on some play-doh or plasticine. Throw it. Smash it.
  • Break sticks.
  • Find something you want to tear (for example, let's say you go with the newspaper). Start off slowly and start ripping and saying why you are angry. Tell the newspaper why you are mad. Start ripping it faster. Increase your speed. You may end up swearing, yelling, crying… it helps to vent.
  • Clean your room
  • Stomp around in heavy shoes

TRY SOME INCOMPATIBLE EMOTIONS (explained more later)

  • Stretch/yoga
  • Laugh
  • Take a bath
  • Light some candles or incense
  • Meditate
  • Listen to Eckhart Tolle!
  • Cry
  • Watch something really intense or funny to take your mind off things

DISCONNECTION (not feeling like you are 'one' with yourself)

  • Write to or call the Samaritans
  • Write down what you are feeling so you can see your emotion
  • Squeeze an ice cube really hard
  • Eat a chili pepper
  • Listen to music that needs focus (a song that you haven't heard before or one with complicated lyrics)
  • If you play an instrument, play it
  • If you have a pet, play with it
  • Laugh
  • Go for a walk (you can also do this barefoot and feel the ground on your feet - works for me!)
  • Cry
  • Snap a rubber band against your wrist
  • Rub Tiger Balm or something strong under your nose
  • Slap a table top really hard
  • Put your finger in a tub of ice cream or in frozen food (despite how weird this would look to anyone around you… you might want to eat it after instead of putting it back in the freezer).
  • Take a freezing cold shower or bath
  • Breathe. Notice your breaths. See breathing techniques for further info later on.
  • Notice everything around you. What do you see? Count the things you can see. What do you feel? What does it feel like? What can you hear? How many sounds can you hear? Count the sounds you can hear. What do you smell? Count the smells you can smell. What can you taste? What does it taste like? Is it a good or bad taste? You are connecting to your senses.

WANTING FOCUS OR WANTING TO BE IN THE MOMENT

  • Write to or call the Samaritans
  • Do a task (such as playing Tetris (yeah) or Minesweeper, sewing, playing an instrument, doing a puzzle) that requires concentration.
  • Choose a random object in your room. Try to describe it, as you would to a blind alien that has never seen this object or even heard of this object before. What does it look like? What colour is it? What does that colour look like? What does it feel like? What does it taste like? What does it smell like? What does it remind you of? Describe it in as much detail as possible.
  • Do the above exercise with something edible. Then eat it. Pay attention to your salivation as you describe whatever it is you are about to eat.
  • Choose a random object, such as a paperclip, and list 30 uses for it (this is harder than it seems).

GRIEF
  • Write to or call the Samaritans
  • Cry! If you find it hard to cry, watch a sad movie. I suggest Marley & Me, which always makes me bawl like a baby.
  • Go for a bath
  • Light some candles or incense
  • Listen to sad music
  • Write to someone about what you are feeling (Samaritans or friend)
  • If you play an instrument, play it
  • If you have a pet, cuddle it
  • Meditate
  • Go to sleep
  • Hit stuff
  • Let yourself feel and be in the moment. It's ok to be sad.

GENERAL CRAVINGS FOR SELF HARM

  • Write to or call the Samaritans
  • Sleep
  • Urge surf*
  • Watch TV or something that keeps your interest, intensely
  • Draw on the places you want to harm
  • Exercise vigorously
  • Check out 'yin yoga' - it genuinely hurts (or it hurts me, at least)
  • Throw ice cubes against a shower wall or bath tub, or squeeze them
  • Eat a chili pepper
  • Make something
  • Keep yourself busy

*URGE SURFING

The general gist of urge surfing is where you tell yourself, "If I still want to self harm in 20 minutes, then I can." In 20 minutes, re-evaluate your position and tell yourself, "If I still want to self harm in 30 minutes, then I can." Keep doing this. Try to go to sleep - things seem less intense when there is morning sunlight.

More often than not, this technique will work. It's worked for me countless times. We get lost in the moment so easily and we think that these feelings, these urges, these cravings are never going to go away. But they will. They will pass, just like every other emotion. We just need to give it some space and give it some time, and accept it for what it is. It is a craving. We don't need to act on it just yet.

Urge surfing is a mindfulness technique - you can learn more about it or go into more depth here: http://www.mindfulness.org.au/URGE SURFING.htm
 
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#3 ·
4 things to consider before you harm yourself, and self-care

Do you still want to hurt yourself?

So you've tried everything above, or at least most of it. You've made a contract with yourself, you've slept it off but these feelings are still there and they are very distressing to you. You've called the Samaritans, you've called a friend, but there is still a massive craving in the back of your mind. It feels like self-harm is the only option, at the moment. I understand how this feels and you must be in a really bad place right now, and I'm sorry that you are feeling this way. I'd like you to consider 4 things right now.

1) Why do you need to hurt yourself? What has made you want to do this?

2) Have you been in this situation before? What did you do to deal with it then? How did you feel about it then?

3) What are the things you have done that have helped you to ease the discomfort? What coping mechanisms have you tried? Can you try any more? What else can you do that won't hurt you?

4) Will you regret this decision later on? How will you feel about it tomorrow? Do you still really WANT to do it?

If you do self harm (which I hope you don't)…

Warning - this might be triggering for some people.

If you have self-harmed, I want you to take care of yourself afterwards. I hope that you have used something that is safe- hopefully something that has been disinfected. I'm going to list very basic things you should do if your method of self-harm is cutting.

1) Stop the bleeding. Apply pressure (with a tissue or a cloth) to the cuts to slow it down. Keep holding it there until the bleeding has stopped completely.

2) Run your wounds under warm water. Do not use soap or any other products. Putting your wounds under warm water is going to hurt, by the way.

3) Dry up your wounds and let it air for a little while, applying pressure if the bleeding starts up again.

4) Bandage your wounds snugly.

5) The next day, take off the bandages and rinse it again in warm water. Still, do not use product or soap on it. Just warm water.

6) Air dry it, and then bandage it again.

7) Once you see it starting to heal slightly, you can use antiseptic cream to ward off any infection. I just use normal moisturiser, but that's your call. Keep it bandaged, and if you don't want it to scar then keep it out of the sunlight. Let it heal.

As a general rule - do not put anything on an open wound that you would not put on your eyeball.

And finally…

Do not keep whatever instrument you have used within easy reach. Either throw it away now, or if you feel like you aren't ready for that yet, then hide it in a really inconvenient place. Put it on top of a really high cupboard or on a shelf that you can't reach without a chair, or something. This will work very well in conjunction with urge surfing. You need to create some space between the urge to self-harm and the act of self-harming. One CAN exist without the other, even if in the moment it seems like it can't.

Take care of yourself. You are worth fighting for.

Some links

Here is a little reminder of what you deserve.
http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f34/your-personal-bill-of-rights-164630/

And if you need a distraction, check out Desiderata by Max Ehrmann.
http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f34/desiderata-by-max-ehrmann-164629/

The link below is primarily for suicidal feelings but you can also use it for self-harm.
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

As mentioned below, the Samaritans email is,
jo@samaritans.org

You can also Google "Samaritans in..." and wherever you live. There will be a phone number.

And lastly, live 24-hour chat with trained volunteers (primarily for suicidal feelings but you can also use it for self-harm)
http://www.newhopenow.org/counseling/liveperson.html
They stress the fact that they are all Christian on there quite a lot. If you are not religious, please don't let that turn you off. I'm not religious but I occasionally use them, and they are totally fine with that. They have worked for me before and they are very direct (in a gentle way) and supportive. They are incredibly useful when you are feeling completely alone and need to connect with another human being. Sometimes it just helps to know that someone out there is reading your thoughts and responding to them with care.
 
#48 ·
Do you still want to hurt yourself?

So you've tried everything above, or at least most of it. You've made a contract with yourself, you've slept it off but these feelings are still there and they are very distressing to you. You've called the Samaritans, you've called a friend, but there is still a massive craving in the back of your mind. It feels like self-harm is the only option, at the moment. I understand how this feels and you must be in a really bad place right now, and I'm sorry that you are feeling this way. I'd like you to consider 4 things right now.

1) Why do you need to hurt yourself? What has made you want to do this?

2) Have you been in this situation before? What did you do to deal with it then? How did you feel about it then?

3) What are the things you have done that have helped you to ease the discomfort? What coping mechanisms have you tried? Can you try any more? What else can you do that won't hurt you?

4) Will you regret this decision later on? How will you feel about it tomorrow? Do you still really WANT to do it?

If you do self harm (which I hope you don't)…

Warning - this might be triggering for some people.

If you have self-harmed, I want you to take care of yourself afterwards. I hope that you have used something that is safe- hopefully something that has been disinfected. I'm going to list very basic things you should do if your method of self-harm is cutting.

1) Stop the bleeding. Apply pressure (with a tissue or a cloth) to the cuts to slow it down. Keep holding it there until the bleeding has stopped completely.

2) Run your wounds under warm water. Do not use soap or any other products. Putting your wounds under warm water is going to hurt, by the way.

3) Dry up your wounds and let it air for a little while, applying pressure if the bleeding starts up again.

4) Bandage your wounds snugly.

5) The next day, take off the bandages and rinse it again in warm water. Still, do not use product or soap on it. Just warm water.

6) Air dry it, and then bandage it again.

7) Once you see it starting to heal slightly, you can use antiseptic cream to ward off any infection. I just use normal moisturiser, but that's your call. Keep it bandaged, and if you don't want it to scar then keep it out of the sunlight. Let it heal.

As a general rule - do not put anything on an open wound that you would not put on your eyeball.

And finally…

Do not keep whatever instrument you have used within easy reach. Either throw it away now, or if you feel like you aren't ready for that yet, then hide it in a really inconvenient place. Put it on top of a really high cupboard or on a shelf that you can't reach without a chair, or something. This will work very well in conjunction with urge surfing. You need to create some space between the urge to self-harm and the act of self-harming. One CAN exist without the other, even if in the moment it seems like it can't.

Take care of yourself. You are worth fighting for.

Some links

Here is a little reminder of what you deserve.
http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f34/your-personal-bill-of-rights-164630/

And if you need a distraction, check out Desiderata by Max Ehrmann.
http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f34/desiderata-by-max-ehrmann-164629/

The link below is primarily for suicidal feelings but you can also use it for self-harm.
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

As mentioned below, the Samaritans email is,
jo@samaritans.org

You can also Google "Samaritans in..." and wherever you live. There will be a phone number.

And lastly, live 24-hour chat with trained volunteers (primarily for suicidal feelings but you can also use it for self-harm)
http://www.newhopenow.org/counseling/liveperson.html
They stress the fact that they are all Christian on there quite a lot. If you are not religious, please don't let that turn you off. I'm not religious but I occasionally use them, and they are totally fine with that. They have worked for me before and they are very direct (in a gentle way) and supportive. They are incredibly useful when you are feeling completely alone and need to connect with another human being. Sometimes it just helps to know that someone out there is reading your thoughts and responding to them with care.
Great post. I have been sober of self harm for almost 2 years now :)
 
#4 ·
**No Self-Harm Contract

I, ________________________ pledge to myself, that if I feel I might be in danger of harming myself, I will call my psychiatrist/therapist, _________________, at ________________or find a professional I can talk to either in ______________, or ________________.

If my counsellor or psychiatrist is not available I will call _________________ at _________________ .

I may also email ____________________, at ______________________, or ___________________ at ____________________.

Other people I can talk to or contact are:

1) SOS Hotline at __________________________
2) SOS email (for non-emergencies or to vent) at jo@samaritans.org
3) New Hope online counselling at http://www.newhopenow.org/counseling/liveperson.html
4) (Include a hospital name and address)
5) _____ at _____________________
6) _____ at _____________________
7) _____ at _____________________
8 ) _____ at _____________________

Other things I may do or try include:

1) Go to sleep
2) Watch a funny movie
3) Cry and allow myself to feel
4) Check my coping mechanisms and try every one depending on the feeling at hand
5) Urge surf
6) Find support elsewhere
7) Write
8 ) Read a book
9) Write down everything I am angry or upset about.

I am likely to feel better tomorrow, and if I don't, I will contact someone immediately to gain advice and support. I know these people are here to support me and I promise to try these coping mechanisms before I hurt myself. If I break this contract, I will take action and tell someone about it.

Signed, __________________________________________________
Dated, ___________________________________________________

Side note - Please keep in mind that you have to personalise your contract to make sure you stick to it. There's no point in including "write" if you don't write, or including a psychiatrist/therapist if you don't currently have one. Make it your own!
 
This post has been deleted
#8 ·
*nods* Very good. Very useful points there.

Just FYI- I got your message but I haven't found a good time to reply yet.

I totally forgot about another mechanism I have - go out and do something nice for someone else.

Whether that is helping an old lady across the street, picking up some litter, or even moving a snail off the road so it doesn't get squished. Make yourself feel useful and like you are contributing to someone's life in some small way. Not only are they likely to remember it, but you will feel a lot better knowing you have made a difference.

On a similar note - go and compliment someone. Doesn't have to be a stranger - maybe your mum is wearing a nice shirt. Maybe your neighbour has awesome plants in her garden. Maybe someone you know has gotten a haircut. Maybe a dog-owner has a really cute dog. Make someone's day - a few small words can go a long way. Never forget the power of speech - and this is going to help you with SA, too. Double score.
 
#12 ·
I think those were some great posts. Thank you for writing those out for people. I had suffered with bad cutting for around 3 years. One day, during a hospital stay, I finally was fed up with being out of control with it and made the decision to try everything in my power to stop. I had a few slip-ups along the way, but I have it under control now. Even more than that - I have no urges whatsoever. I'm very proud of myself for fighting it. I feel very much for everyone who is currently struggling with self-harm, and I hope that you can find the strength to fight it and use the methods described here.

For me personally, I used red marker on my arms and just went to town with it. I also painted with red paint whenever I felt myself getting lost. It grounded me and made me pay attention to whatever it was I was painting. And it also satisfied my mind's need to see red. The red marker and red paint kinda did a "fake-out" to my mind, giving it that colour soothed me a bit.

My current coping mechanism, for whatever overwhelming emotion I have, is music. And I don't mean calmly listening to it. I mean, when I'm home, I turn it up loud, I stomp around the room if I need to and I just sing my heart out. I just let it all out as much as I can. If I focus on the music, I can get that energy out instead of it turning self-destructive.

Everyone is gonna have their own unique way of fighting it. Nobody give up if one thing doesn't help, there are so many techniques and ways to help.
 
#50 ·
I think those were some great posts. Thank you for writing those out for people. I had suffered with bad cutting for around 3 years. One day, during a hospital stay, I finally was fed up with being out of control with it and made the decision to try everything in my power to stop. I had a few slip-ups along the way, but I have it under control now. Even more than that - I have no urges whatsoever. I'm very proud of myself for fighting it. I feel very much for everyone who is currently struggling with self-harm, and I hope that you can find the strength to fight it and use the methods described here.

For me personally, I used red marker on my arms and just went to town with it. I also painted with red paint whenever I felt myself getting lost. It grounded me and made me pay attention to whatever it was I was painting. And it also satisfied my mind's need to see red. The red marker and red paint kinda did a "fake-out" to my mind, giving it that colour soothed me a bit.

My current coping mechanism, for whatever overwhelming emotion I have, is music. And I don't mean calmly listening to it. I mean, when I'm home, I turn it up loud, I stomp around the room if I need to and I just sing my heart out. I just let it all out as much as I can. If I focus on the music, I can get that energy out instead of it turning self-destructive.

Everyone is gonna have their own unique way of fighting it. Nobody give up if one thing doesn't help, there are so many techniques and ways to help.
Thank you so much that is a brilliant idea! I've been fighting self-harm urges for over a year, and this is truly going to help me. And thank you to everyone else who posted strategies on this thread! I'm going to be stronger this time, I know it. :thanks :squeeze
 
#16 ·
Thats why I never call the hospital line even when my doctor tells me I should when I feel really depressed and self harm. I know its a good thing to get help, but if they say to call just to talk it should be that.
 
#15 ·
This was really a nice post! It's good to keep in mind (I've never self harmed but have considered it too many times)

If anyone on here wants to make a friend to talk about this though, and vent and such, feel free to inbox me or add me on facebook even! I know there are a lot of people who self harm and have a lot of things bottled up that they feel they can't share with friends or family but need an outside person.
 
#17 · (Edited)
Really good post :)

Watch TV or something that keeps your interest, intensely
I agree with this, I've seen like 3-4 TV Shows in few weeks, and it kept me distracted successfully.Other than that, good music can help, especially the one you can sing along to.

Also - less thinking, just, keep yourself busy as much as possible.Hell, it worked for me :)
 
#18 ·
Great threat thank you :hugs:

i also find medication does help if there is that instant desire that overcomes you to self harm or do something drastic. I had an overwhelming urge yesterday with missing home and being surrounded by people with the exception of my lovely hubby who do not understand SA let alone mental illness or medication so i had to take lorazepam but it was a hard and very tempting emotion.
 
#23 ·
There is one thing that is really important for me. And it's as simple as this - don't keep dangerous or abuse-able items in your house.

Some time ago, I was out drinking, and I got super, super depressed. I fell into a black hole. And I was like, that's it, time to die. So I drunkenly managed to get home, but then I realized, I didn't have anything in my house to kill myself with. I didn't have any sharp knives, in particular. I didn't have any cleaning products. There were no pills anywhere.

So I was just left with a conundrum. I want to die but I literally have nothing available to do it. I think this is important. Try to avoid keeping dangerous stuff if your house.

Last week the doctor gave me Clonazepam, and that was a bad idea, cos of course I abused it until I was totally delirious. I'm not ordering that stuff again. The temptation for abuse is just too great.

So make your house suicide-safe. Only use blunt knives. Don't keep poisons around. Maybe keep your medication in a less accessible place. I think that can really help.
 
#26 ·
I like this post :)
I have horses and they're one of the only things that motivate me not to, so when it triggers I'll go for a ride or something just to clear my head and sometimes it will work, especially if I have my iPod with me too, both of those are things that help me.
Otherwise for quick fixes the rubber band does help, and holding ice cubes.
 
#27 ·
thank you for the post. haven't tried most of these techniques but the next time I have urges, I'll try them
 
#28 ·
I tend to just write something really messed up and dark. Something that gets whatever what I am feeling out, but never writing about self harm itself or using to many "I" statements. Doing that just makes everything feel just that much more hopeless. I try to make my writing more and more dark, sometimes to the point where even I have no idea what I am talking about. I almost make it a game to see how far I can go before I am more amused at it than I am depressed or anxious. Then, I go back and read it from the beginning; laughing at it.

Gotta have that positive reinforcement at the end for doing something right; otherwise, u just revert back to the blood or whatever ur poison is.
 
#29 ·
Not keeping dangerous items in your house is not really prevention. There's aways a way to kill yourself if it gets to be too much. I think the only thing keeping me from doing it is living at home, and having my mother have to clean up the mess. I've been struggling with suicidal thoughts for so long that they almost become second nature. not really sure how to get rid of them anymore.
 
#32 ·
I actually created a blog to let out my depressed feelings when I get that way. I'll post pictures, words, anything I'm feeling and let it out. It's good to know that the things I'm posting come from what other people feel too, so I feel like I'm not as lost. Sometimes I do it for hours until I calm down. And definitely removing all triggers from my room has been good.
 
#33 ·
Where was this post when I needed it badly 2 months ago?
Wonderful post.
 
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