My neighbour has a dog called Penelope. It's a stupid name for a dog if you ask me. He doesn't look anything like a Penelope. The other day I was arriving back at my house, and there was Penelope bounding along towards me, penis flapping from side to side. I like Penelope because he doesn't mess around. He's a big happy dog. In one glorious movement he is on top of me, and has me pinned to the rhubarb. I'm saying stuff like "hey there boy, hows it going". I'm playing it cool. I'm playing it like it's natural for me to have some rhubarb inside my trouser leg. Because I like Penelope you see. I don't want to cause a scene, or have Bob and Betty come out and be all mortified that their dog is bothering the neighbour, because he's not - he's just being a big happy dog.