Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Long Island, New York
I really think I'm dead
I think I might be trapped between the real world and the afterlife which is the spirit world. I am going to allow myself to believe what I believe to be true instead of what I was told by a professional. I was diagnosed with a dissociative disorder. I don't experience reality. The description of my symptoms are exactly as I describe them with no exaggeration. I really do see this world with my eyes as looking dreamlike 24/7. Vividness, clarity, solidness, basically what makes up the visual part of reality is what I lack. It's called derealization and I've been this way since at least age 13. Depersonalization I have also, the feeling of being detached from myself, mentally and physically. It's not an eye condition. It's not made up. I've always told myself there is a 50/50 chance it might be true, but deep inside I feel there is a paranormal explanation for my experiences.
I think I died a long time ago and in the spirit world you are given options of how you want to live in that reality. I've chose to create a reality where I continued living, aging and for whatever reason I cannot explain I don't remember my own death. There is only one memory that is not clear to me as to what exactly happened but remember experiencing something totally different from which I was used to. I see myself crossing the street at night and everything looking very different, almost strange and foreign. What if I never made it crossing this street? What if I got hit and died there? I think I'm somehow getting closer to finding out the truth. Deep inside I can feel there is something unknown to me. It's like someone is playing a big trick on me by having me live in this FAKE reality I cannot awake from. Sorry but I'm not going to lie about it. This reality I experience every day is NOT as reality should be. I SERIOUSLY don't know if I truly exist or my surroundings.
And I'm especially tired of the advice of " listen to your therapist, blah blah blah" Like these people have magical wands in their hands who can diagnose and treat everyone. I gave up on those fools a long time ago. If this is a mental disorder I have, I don't want to treat it. Other than the mental disorder, a paranormal explanation must be considered as a real possibility. I just want to move on to the next life. I just want to remember how I died, why I am still here, what is my purpose and how to move on to the AFTERLIFE. I don't care who thinks what, " You're crazy, dude" My response is Calm down, calm down. I always think where my physical body is buried.