Social Anxiety Forum - View Single Post - Cried in public (bit long)
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post #1 of (permalink) Old 08-02-2009, 03:25 AM Thread Starter
yellow monkey
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: south africa
Gender: Female
Age: 30
Posts: 245
Unhappy

Cried in public (bit long)


So as part of our course, we're split into groups of 9 students and are given 3-4 cases to investigate over the course of the semester. For each weekly session, we choose a chairperson and a scribe, and for the first session of the 2nd semester, I volunteered to chair - huge mistake!

Initially, I was feeling good about myself because I'm terrified of anything that attracts attention and I never volunteer but the session went horribly! At the close of the session, we evaluate the chair, scribe and group on paper (anonymous) and the chair has to read it out loud...

The first paper said, amongst other things, "Chair was passive, didn't even realise she was chair until last 10 minutes," etc. The others were softer but they all basically said I was passive and quiet...It's all things I would have said so myself but it felt so humiliating - absolute torture - to read it out loud myself.

The facilitator took pity on me and said things like, "She did say at the beginning of the session that she's quiet and would struggle. I think you guys were harsh," etc. and even spoke to me alone when everyone had left.

I hate being pitied, I hate being called quiet, and I hate feeling and being thought of as a troublesome baby that needs "special treatment" and puffed-up words...so I ran to the bathroom and cried.

This was last Thursday but I guess it resurfaced because I need to do homework now for nextweek's sessions (it's double) and I'm feeling anxious...I mean, it was my chance to make a good impression on my new group, and now I've cemented my image as the "embarassingly quiet, passive, socially-impaired, irritatingly apologetic baby" - and there's still months to go!!!!
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