Social Anxiety Support Forum

Losing someone that you care about isn’t easy. Grief is a very complex emotional process that can incorporate aspects of depression, anxiety, and denial. On top of that, there are a number of social events associated with loss including wakes, funerals and even large family dinners after the funeral is finished. For those who struggle with social anxiety, this combination of raw emotions, social gatherings and other aspects of the grieving process can be almost too much to bear.

Fortunately, there are ways to soften some of these blows. Keep in mind that this won’t necessarily make the grieving process easier, of course. It will keep your social anxiety from making the process harder, though, and that can make a significant difference.

Grief and Anxiety

Anxiety is a common component of the grieving process, with many people experiencing what’s known as “grieving anxiety” that manifests with features such as worries about the future, restlessness, insomnia and even feelings of numbness. Having social anxiety can make these effects worse, as the stress that comes with loss and causes grieving anxiety will have a similar effect on your other anxiety triggers as well. In some cases, grief can make your triggers more sensitive as well, especially if you’re grieving over someone that you were particularly close to.

Managing Visitations

One aspect of the grieving process that is particularly difficult for those with social anxiety is the number of social interactions that come with visitations and funerals. The events can be crowded, and there are often expectations that visitors will come to meals or other gatherings after the funeral as well. While this can be difficult to get through without triggering anxiety, some of this can be mitigated by arriving to visitations early and selecting seating at funerals that is back a bit from the front of the room. This allows you some space and an easy way to leave the room if needed while still allowing you to pay your respects.

Ongoing Grief

Grief can be a drawn-out process, and the grieving process is different for everyone. When you suffer from any form of anxiety (including social anxiety), this process can be even longer. As your grief triggers some aspects of your anxiety, you may become nostalgic over times you spent with the person that you lost. You may even feel that you wasted too much time, weren’t a good friend or otherwise let your loved one down. The repeated instances of nostalgia and anxiety can prevent you from advancing through the grieving process toward acceptance, resulting in you grieving for a much longer period than you otherwise would (which can itself become an anxiety trigger.)

Seeking Help

Grief can make your social anxiety symptoms worse, and your social anxiety can increase and prolong the symptoms of grief. If you are unable to deal with this cycle on your own, be sure to talk to a doctor, therapist or someone else who you can trust. You may need adjustments to your medications to help you get past it, or you may need to start some meds if you don’t currently take any. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help if you need it; you’re not abandoning the person that you lost, you’re simply doing what you have to do to move on and keep yourself healthy.

Have you had to find ways to handle your social anxiety after losing someone close to you? What techniques worked best for you then?

There are times when it is difficult to talk to others, even those to whom you were once close. This can be painful, especially when you encounter old friends that you haven’t seen in a while. A part of you might desperately want to reconnect – but at the same time, you find that your anxiety makes that next to impossible. Fortunately, there are ways to overcome the things that are holding you back when your social anxiety is at its worst.

Benefits of Finding Old Friends

Reconnecting with old friends can have a number of benefits. On top of being able to catch up and see what your friends have been up to, the combined nostalgia and sense of connection that you receive from getting back together with a buddy can help fight loneliness and feelings of isolation. Because this is someone that you’ve known for quite some time, some of the awkwardness and other difficulties experienced during the early stages of friendship can be skipped. For those with social anxiety, reconnection can also provide you with additional people in your life that you already feel safe around.

Reconnecting Online

Perhaps the easiest way to reconnect with old friends while dealing with social anxiety is to make contact online. You can start the conversation with a short, simple message such as “Hey, sorry to message you out of the blue but I was wondering how you were, so I decided to look you up.” Don’t worry about revealing too much information about yourself or trying to come up with conversation points just yet. The hardest part is often getting that first message out there, so keep it short and simple when you send it. If you have several old friends that you’d like to get in touch with, just start with one and then reach out to additional friends after.

Exploring Common Interests

When trying to come up with things to talk about, stick to common interests that aren’t likely to be points of contention. Even something as simple as “Hey, do you still like football?” can be a good icebreaker and keep the conversation going. Remember that this isn’t a stranger, it’s someone that you used to know fairly well; there’s a good chance that you still have at least a few common interests, and even if they aren’t active in those interests anymore they can still be a good jumping off point.

Taking It Slow

Don’t assume that because you’re getting in touch with someone from your past that you’ll have to immediately fall into those same roles that you had when you were younger. Chances are you both have new responsibilities and new interests compared to days gone by. Feel free to just chat occasionally and allow a budding friendship to develop slowly. If they want to get together and you don’t feel up to it, there’s no harm in delaying. You can always simply say that things have been hectic or busy lately but that you’d love to get together once things slow down a bit.

Opening Up

If your old friend is going to grow into being a real part of your new life, you’ll likely want to open up about your social anxiety at some point. This can be difficult, and you don’t have to rush into it if you aren’t comfortable with the idea. Just be honest with them and with yourself and let them know that you’re telling them because you value their friendship and don’t want them to feel like you’re ignoring them or pushing them away. It can be a difficult thing to reveal to others, but your friend will understand. They’ve known you for a long time, and they’ll appreciate you being open with them. It may even make your friendship stronger.

Have you ever looked up an old friend and gotten in touch? Is there anyone specific that you’d like to talk to again?

Many people use the phrase “emotional support dog” so frequently that it can get confused with “service dog”, but there are distinct differences between the two. Both are four-legged animals that help people, but that’s where the similarities end.

Service dogs have been around for decades to help visually impaired people navigate their daily lives by helping them safely cross streets and avoid obstacles. They can help paralyzed people by retrieving items and alerting deaf people to noises like a crying baby. They can also assist people who are dealing with symptoms of social anxiety.

One major advocate of service dogs for social anxiety is James Middleton, brother in law of Prince William. He recently attended a GQ Men of the Year event with his cocker spaniel Ella as his date for the evening. While Middleton wore a tux, Ella sported a black and tartan “Pets As Therapy” jacket to publicize a UK animal therapy group. “Animals can provide a sense of calm, comfort or safety and divert attention away from a stressful situation and toward one that provides pleasure,” he wrote on his Instagram page. “…developing a bond with an animal can help people develop a better sense of self-worth and trust, stabilize their emotions, and improve their communication, self-regulation and socialization skills.”

A service dog undergoes extensive training to perform tasks that its owner is unable to do on their own due to physical, intellectual or emotional disabilities. They can see obstacles for people with impaired vision, hear things for deaf people or pick up objects for people with reduced dexterity. They can provide emotional support, but their main job is to provide assistance for their owners. They receive more legal protections through the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) than emotional support dogs and are legally allowed in almost every public space.

A study by Purdue University’s College of Veterinary Medicine shows that overall symptoms of PTSD in veterans are lower for those with service dogs. Maggie O’Haire, assistant professor of human-animal interaction, says “we found that the group of veterans with service dogs had significantly lower levels of PTSD symptomology than those who did not. They also had lower levels of depression, lower anxiety and increased social participation, meaning a willingness to leave their house and go engage with society in different activities.” Data gathered from the study has secured a grant for a larger-scale study on the effectiveness of service dogs for both military veterans with PTSD and their families.

Emotional support dogs are companion animals that provide therapeutic benefits for people with medically diagnosed mental, intellectual or physical disabilities. Owners can’t decide for themselves that their pets meet these qualifications; they must have a diagnosis from a doctor or mental health professional, as well as a letter stating the benefits of ownership. There are nearly 40 conditions that meet these requirements, including anxiety, PTSD, and eating disorders.

Emotional support dogs are not required to receive any training before their designation, which makes people question their effectiveness. Without proper training, they may not behave as well as service animals, who know how to act in public. They receive fewer protections through the ADA, mostly only with housing and air travel. A home that says “no pets” can be forced to allow an emotional support animal, but restaurants and stores don’t have to allow emotional support dogs into their buildings. Owners can carry their paperwork from their doctors, but that doesn’t guarantee admittance into public buildings.

Determining whether a service or emotional support dog is right for you isn’t something that should be decided quickly. Talk to your doctor about your specific situation to help make the decision that’s best for your lifestyle.

Do you or anyone you know have either a service dog or emotional support dog? How helpful have they been?

Though social anxiety is often viewed as an adult problem, children and teens can suffer from social anxiety issues as well. This can be especially taxing during the back-to-school season; not only does heading back to school require a transition from the routines of the summer, but it also means going into a new set of classes where they don’t know what to expect. Given how much things can change over a summer when you’re growing up, young people and teens with social anxiety may not even be able to take solace in the thought of seeing old friends at school.

Especially for teenagers who are already facing a number of other changes, this can be overwhelming. Fortunately, there are ways to help. If your child or teen appears to have anxiety about returning to school, here are just a few suggestions on how you can help them overcome it and get ready to go back to school.

Start Transitions Early

For a lot of families, back-to-school preparations start around the time that you register for school; this usually gives two to three weeks to get ready for the new school year, though in some cases it’s less time than that. If your child has experienced anxiety issues in the past, however, start early. Focus on the basics, including transitioning to a regular bedtime and wakeup routine, and do what shopping you can in advance. By the time school rolls around, your child will already be well accustomed to a new schedule.

Discuss Plans Together

Have meaningful conversations with your child about the new school year, making sure to ask questions about how they feel and what they are anxious about. Be sure to listen, too, and avoid giving the impression that their fears are unfounded or trivial. Try to find solutions to address these fears so that your child will feel more prepared for the new school year.

Review Coping Techniques

There’s a good chance that your child already knows some techniques for coping with stress and anxiety issues. In the weeks leading up to the start of school, make it a point to review these techniques so your child is reminded of how they can help. This might be a good time to introduce new techniques as well, especially if there is a major change coming (such as the transition from middle school to high school.)

Focus on the Positives

In your discussions about your child’s return to school, be sure to ask them about any positives they might be looking forward to, as well. This can help to shift their mindset, reminding them that while the return to school is stressful, there are still some good things about the return as well. Be sure not to downplay their concerns in doing so, of course.

Consult a Doctor

If necessary, talk to your child’s doctor and schedule an appointment to address their anxiety about school. If your child is already on medication, a change to their prescriptions may be needed if their anxiety seems worse than usual. This doesn’t mean you should push to medicate your child if they don’t currently take any medicine, however; while the doctor may decide that some medication is warranted, the primary purpose of the visit should be to ensure that your child is healthy (to rule out conditions that are aggravating their anxiety) and to get additional advice from the doctor on how to handle that anxiety.

Which techniques do your children use to help get ready for the back-to-school rush?

Taking your medication on time is an important part of managing social anxiety. Some medications need to be taken within a specific window, while others should be taken with food or with other constraints. If you mess up the timing on any of your pills, it can set you up for a very rough day.

Given the importance of taking your meds on time, it stands to reason that you’ll want to find things that help you remember. Here are a few suggestions to help make sure that you don’t miss a dose.

Set an Alarm

This is one of the most common suggestions that people give for remembering to take your pills, but you’d be surprised at how many people still don’t set alarms as a reminder for pill time. While some people use an alarm clock or programmable timer, setting alarms on your smartphone may be a better option. Not only are you more likely to have it with you if you’re away from home at pill time, but most alarm apps also let you customize the alarm tone so you can set a special reminder tone just for your pills.

Smarter Scheduling

If you have a pill that has to be taken with meals, you’re more likely to remember it than pills you take at other times. This is due in large part to the fact that your meds become associated with something that you do every day. Even if you have meds that don’t require you to take them with meals, scheduling your morning pills around breakfast and evening pills around dinner can still make them easier to remember.

Visual Reminders

Pill boxes are one of the most effective ways to make sure that you remember your pills. Depending on the pill box you buy, you may have multiple compartments available per day to hold the pills you take at different times. The boxes make it easy to tell if you’ve taken a pill or not, and just seeing the box reminds you that you still have pills to take. If possible, store your pill box in a place where you’ll see it throughout the day (though out of reach of children or others who don’t need to get into your pills.) This will provide you with a gentle reminder of your pills at multiple times throughout the day.

Carry a Spare

If you frequently forget pills because you’re away from home when your alarm goes off, consider setting up a cache of pills that you can carry with you when you’re away from the house. Small pill containers are available for keychains or to drop in your pocket, and many are large enough to carry at least a dose or two of the pills you take every day. Fill up the container each time you get a refill of your meds and be sure to replenish it if you get caught away from home and have to take your spare pills. If you make it through the month without using your cache, use the cache to start filling your pill box after your next refill and place new pills into the cache to make sure that the pills in there don’t start losing their potency.

Establish a Ritual

You’re much more likely to remember things that are part of your routine. To help make your pills a part of that routine, establish a short self-care ritual in the morning and evening. This can include a shower, time for meditation, having a cup of tea or coffee and of course taking your medication. This will not only help you take your pills every day, but it can also improve your overall mental wellbeing since you’re taking a few minutes each day to take care of yourself.

Ask for Help

Social anxiety can make it difficult to interact with others, even those that you’re closest to. Your loved ones really do care, though, and they honestly want to help. If you’re still struggling to keep taking your medication every day, ask a friend or family member for help. The little nudge they give to ensure you’ve taken your meds can make a huge difference. On top of ensuring that you take your pills, it will also serve as a gentle reminder that you’re not alone.

Have you ever missed a dose of medicine? What are the tips and suggestions for remembering your pills that you find most effective?