Today, I talked to a girl

[JMX]

Ok, so some of you may be thinking "Big deal, it's just a girl." I haven't talked to a girl in class (and by talked, I mean more than just a few words) in 4 or 5 years. I'm a guy in case you haven't realized.

I actually had a biology lab with her, and even though we weren't in a group together (although some weeks we were), we had a little fun talking about various things. Although I hardly have any confidence, I do have confidence in my humor, so I went at it in full stride, and was able to make her laugh several times.

Our biology lecture was right after the lab, and I was hoping I would get to walk with her to the class, but I couldn't because she left too quickly. Luckily, when I went to the lecture, she was sitting by herself with nobody else around, so I thought why the hell not, made eye contact with her and sat next to her. We exchanged some more words during class (something I'm totally not used to), but what really bummed me out was that she left a few minutes before class ended without saying bye to me. I was hoping to walk with her after class, but that idea failed twice. Oh well.

She was decent looking in my opinion, but I do have low standards when it comes to looks. I wanted to get her number, but I was worried that if I tried to do that, it may look like I'm desperate or something. I guess this is where my anxiety kicked in a little. I may actually try to pursue her, but I'm so worried that I'm going to find out that she's taken, although I haven't heard her saying anything about having a boyfriend. I just hope she doesn't think I'm one of those guys that uses women for sex, because that's not what I want. I just hope she doesn't find me as irritating when I sit next to her again during the next lecture, because she seems to always sit by herself.

[delirium]

That is boss man. You are boss.

[theuprising]

Originally Posted by JMX

Ok, so some of you may be thinking "Big deal, it's just a girl." I haven't talked to a girl in class (and by talked, I mean more than just a few words) in 4 or 5 years. I'm a guy in case you haven't realized.

I actually had a biology lab with her, and even though we weren't in a group together (although some weeks we were), we had a little fun talking about various things. Although I hardly have any confidence, I do have confidence in my humor, so I went at it in full stride, and was able to make her laugh several times.

Our biology lecture was right after the lab, and I was hoping I would get to walk with her to the class, but I couldn't because she left too quickly. Luckily, when I went to the lecture, she was sitting by herself with nobody else around, so I thought why the hell not, made eye contact with her and sat next to her. We exchanged some more words during class (something I'm totally not used to), but what really bummed me out was that she left a few minutes before class ended without saying bye to me. I was hoping to walk with her after class, but that idea failed twice. Oh well.

She was decent looking in my opinion, but I do have low standards when it comes to looks. I wanted to get her number, but I was worried that if I tried to do that, it may look like I'm desperate or something. I guess this is where my anxiety kicked in a little. I may actually try to pursue her, but I'm so worried that I'm going to find out that she's taken, although I haven't heard her saying anything about having a boyfriend. I just hope she doesn't think I'm one of those guys that uses women for sex, because that's not what I want. I just hope she doesn't find me as irritating when I sit next to her again during the next lecture, because she seems to always sit by herself.

It depends on the girl but, if you want her number, make sure you're getting it for the reason of dating her. Don't get it and then call her every once in a while to meet up and do some biology. Though again this all depends on the girl, your chances are much better if you ask fast, otherwise she will think you are scared (which you are :P ).

Also, this is important, make it seem like its her idea to give her number, like if you want to study. What you would normally do is say "hmm if there was a way we could continue this conversation" but since you see her in class, she'll say, "see you thursday!"

To not be desperate, don't escalate the relationship when you think you've made a funny joke and you feel good about yourself, you should escelate when she puts effort into the conversation and thus your interest is justified, you rewarded her for showing effort.

More details in the book "how to meet and connect with women" by wayne elise. Torrent it

[shadowmask]

Hey, that actually is a big deal, man. Starting a conversation with the opposite sex can be very anxiety inducing, I know. Way to go. Even if things don't go through with her, you should keep putting yourself out there as often as possible.

[JMX]

I appreciate the feedback. Normally I get nervous when I talk with a girl, but maybe that's the past now, because I felt fairly comfortable talking to her, though some disappointment at the end when she left abruptly.

Originally Posted by theuprising

It depends on the girl but, if you want her number, make sure you're getting it for the reason of dating her. Don't get it and then call her every once in a while to meet up and do some biology. Though again this all depends on the girl, your chances are much better if you ask fast, otherwise she will think you are scared (which you are :P ).

To be honest, I'm not 100% sure if I want to date her. As one of my female co-workers said in the past: "Men don't know what they want." Before she said this, she said she wasn't going to say it because I'm around and it's sexist, but I told her to say it anyway, because I thought it would benefit me. I think there's a fair amount of credibility in this statement because she's 29 years old (my co-worker, that is). I did have a girl in the past who was interested in me, and started to mingle with me by first studying together (even though we didn't take any similar classes). It sort of escalated from there, although she was doing nearly all the escalating.

Originally Posted by theuprising

Also, this is important, make it seem like its her idea to give her number, like if you want to study. What you would normally do is say "hmm if there was a way we could continue this conversation" but since you see her in class, she'll say, "see you thursday!"

I don't quite understand what you mean here. I think what you're trying to say is because I see her in class twice a week, plus during the lab, you would think getting her phone number is unnecessary, but really it is?

Originally Posted by theuprising

To not be desperate, don't escalate the relationship when you think you've made a funny joke and you feel good about yourself, you should escelate when she puts effort into the conversation and thus your interest is justified, you rewarded her for showing effort.

I think I saw some of this in our conversations. I would crack a joke, and she would respond. It wasn't a one-way conversation, although during the lecture it sort of was. She did start a short conversation during the lecture though.

I tried to get a bit personal with her though. I can't remember exactly what we were talking about, but she mentions her summer job, in which I think it's a given to ask her what she did. I should've asked her where she's from, what's her major, etc. but I didn't want to get too annoying in her face. Do women like that though? Do they like to have people ask various things about their life? Obviously there are quite a few things I don't know about women, but I need to start somewhere. I feel that if I asked her various things about herself, I could've actually had a full conversation with her during class, although maybe not necessarily a good idea because I am trying to get a college education. :P

[Paper Samurai]

Congrats, as someone who also has the same affliction, I know the difficulty that this must have caused you. Although I can't say I'm that experienced in the matter, if I were you I would lay off for a lecture or two. If you try and sit next to her constantly, at least in the beginning, this can be perceived as being way to clingy. This is what I would do anyway, I'm no expert , so use this advice with a bit of caution and what not.

[JMX]

Originally Posted by Paper Samurai

Congrats, as someone who also has the same affliction, I know the difficulty that this must have caused you. Although I can't say I'm that experienced in the matter, if I were you I would lay off for a lecture or two. If you try and sit next to her constantly, at least in the beginning, this can be perceived as being way to clingy. This is what I would do anyway, I'm no expert , so use this advice with a bit of caution and what not.

I've started something, so I certainly don't want to give up my efforts. Maybe I'm over-analyzing this a little, but whatever. I don't know if backing off a lecture or two is a great idea, because it's a lecture that only meets twice a week, and next week's first lecture is canceled because we're on a Fall break. The lecture meets on Tuesdays and Thursdays, with the lab being on Thursday, and Tuesday's lecture is canceled. Plus, we're almost half way through the semester so I don't have all the time in the world.

Besides, don't at least some relationships start from studying partners or classmates?

[Paper Samurai]

Originally Posted by JMX

I've started something, so I certainly don't want to give up my efforts. Maybe I'm over-analyzing this a little, but whatever. I don't know if backing off a lecture or two is a great idea, because it's a lecture that only meets twice a week, and next week's first lecture is canceled because we're on a Fall break. The lecture meets on Tuesdays and Thursdays, with the lab being on Thursday, and Tuesday's lecture is canceled. Plus, we're almost half way through the semester so I don't have all the time in the world.

Besides, don't at least some relationships start from studying partners or classmates?

Ah ok, I was assuming you were having said lecture everyday - probably best to ignore my advice then. But even if this wasn't the case, I would not take this as concrete anyway lol. I think I've just been negatively influenced by my own past failings in this area to be honest.

[JMX]

Originally Posted by Paper Samurai

Ah ok, I was assuming you were having said lecture everyday - probably best to ignore my advice then. But even if this wasn't the case, I would not take this as concrete anyway lol. I think I've just been negatively influenced by my own past failings in this area to be honest.

Don't worry about it, all comments and suggestions are very much welcome. I'm just happy that you even contributed to my thread.

P.S. I love songs by May'n (in reference to your sig)

[Frogbox]

I would definitely say you're over analyzing this, but it's impossible not to, right? Just don't let too much ride on it. Just think if this 1 doesn't work out, then there's a million more to go for. And it can actually be a great thing to get rejected because you'll learn something extremely valuable - what not to do the next time. And if it's getting rejected by a girl you're not crazy about then it's just good practice. So either way, it's win win. Obviously getting the girl is way better than learning a lesson, but in the end you've always got your hand and your johnson.

Originally Posted by theuprising

To not be desperate, don't escalate the relationship when you think you've made a funny joke and you feel good about yourself, you should escelate when she puts effort into the conversation and thus your interest is justified, you rewarded her for showing effort.

More details in the book "how to meet and connect with women" by wayne elise. Torrent it

Great advice.

[theuprising]

Originally Posted by JMX

I don't quite understand what you mean here. I think what you're trying to say is because I see her in class twice a week, plus during the lab, you would think getting her phone number is unnecessary, but really it is?

Not exactly, its kindof a form of manipulation, however subtle. When you want someone to do something, you try and make it seem like it was their idea, and thus in a normal situation when you are trying to get the girls number, you say when leaving "Hmm I wonder if there's a way we could continue this conversation" which will naturally prompt the girl into saying "hey i'll give you my number".

I said the exact line probably won't work for your girl, since you see her regularly, but you get the idea.

[JMX]

Originally Posted by theuprising

Not exactly, its kindof a form of manipulation, however subtle. When you want someone to do something, you try and make it seem like it was their idea, and thus in a normal situation when you are trying to get the girls number, you say when leaving "Hmm I wonder if there's a way we could continue this conversation" which will naturally prompt the girl into saying "hey i'll give you my number".

I said the exact line probably won't work for your girl, since you see her regularly, but you get the idea.

Ah, now I see what you're saying. That might be tough for me, but I just thought of another idea.

Next lecture, maybe I'll try to steer one of our conversations towards movies. We'll talk about recent movies, and maybe we'll end up finding out that there's a movie we both want to see. I don't want to really make this an official date, but at least this way I'll get her number (and she'll get mine), and we'll spend time outside of class. I can't do this during the lab because there will be people around us, and it'll be awkward.

This is going to be completely out of my comfort zone, but whatever, I need to give action to get action.

[saillias]

Good job... I really need to do this more often myself. By the way, it's kinda funny how every post in this topic is by males.

[ChrisWasNotThere]

Haha nice ! I haven't talked to a girl in ages, it would just be embrassing and awkward for me ):

[Gen Eric]

Congrats man, I know it always feels weird writing something like that, as we're so convinced that such a task should be effortless, when in reality it definitely isn't.

I noticed that you mentioned that she left class quickly twice and that she was sitting with no one around in lecture. Is it possible that she might have SAD as well?

It's likely as college students seem to be more susceptible, judging from the numbers of college students ive seen on this site. Plus girls are 3x more likely to have it as guys. Next time you talk to her try to notice if she does some of the stuff the rest of us do.

[JMX]

Originally Posted by Gen Eric

I noticed that you mentioned that she left class quickly twice and that she was sitting with no one around in lecture. Is it possible that she might have SAD as well?

I don't think this is the case, but I will pay attention to see for sure. The reason why I say this is because of this very small thing I noticed that turned out to be pretty big:

The lecture hall is divided into halves, with a main aisle in the middle. I entered the hall through the back, and she was sitting one seat to the inside on the left half of the hall. She had her wet umbrella set on the chair to her left. I entered her row, and she began to move her umbrella, expecting me to sit there. I didn't sit there because the seat is obviously wet, and I wanted to give her some room because the lecture hall is very empty towards the back, which is where we were. I just dropped my umbrella on the same seat and started talking.

However, I'll be seeing her tomorrow in lecture (and in lab, as well, which is before the lecture) I want to sit in the seat directly next to her this time, but I think I should say something before I do, because I sat a seat apart from her last week. I'm thinking of saying something along the lines of "You don't mind, do you?" before I take a seat right next to her. I think us SAers pay attention to every minor detail that it could benefit us or hurt us.

[Gen Eric]

I do sincerely hope you get this before you go to class tomorrow.

Do not ask her if she minds. I know that this seems to be the polite and courteous thing to do, and in many ways it is, but this isn't 1925 lol. I know it seems unintuitive but that's because you have a mind distorted by SAD.

What your doing is your asking her permission to sit there, which stems from the logic that you believe you don't have the right to sit there, which stems from the logic that you are undeserving on that seat. You are completely deserving of that seat. Its a free country, you can sit wherever the h*** you like.

She has already given you permission to sit there by 1)talking to you and b)moving her umbrella. I know this seems forward, but look where you're lack of forwardness has gotten you. That kind of thing does not operate on an admit one, for a limited time only basis. She is interested, take whats yours. That confident self that's living inside you wants you to do it, and that's what he would do.

I've struggled with the 'should I sit there decision' my share of times, and at some point I had what addicts refer to as a moment of clarity, where I realized that after talking to someone for X minutes on X occasions, I definitely do have the right to sit there, in fact, it would be a little weird if I blew this person of with no explanation.

Believe me, even the simple fact that you would consider being as chivalrous as to ask her that question puts you miles ahead of the competition.

That being said, if you do end up doing that, don't sweat it, because the advice I've just provided is for you and your state of mind, and likely won't have any bearing on the situation whatsoever, so long as you end up sitting next to her...

[JMX]

Ah, I appreciate the advice.

So in a nutshell, I should take a much more aggressive approach to this, correct? This makes sense, because I basically already have her "permission" to interact with her, so I should take full charge. If I overthink this I'll probably mess it up, but I will try to be more aggressive than passive.

[RedWolf]

I find getting a girl number to be quite easy, in fact it only probably take me three line in doing so.

[shynesshellasucks]

Good job man! You're putting yourself out there. I wish I had half the courage you have.