Social Anxiety Support

Drew · 06-24-2009, 09:25 PM

Hello everyone,

I'm making this thread to see if anyone is willing to share their experiences with social anxiety for a new "Personal Stories of Change" section that we will be adding to Social Anxiety Support soon.

I understand that many people on the forums are still very much struggling with social anxiety, but I also know there are some people who have made significant positive changes in their lives and still enjoy being part of the SAS community.

These stories are not meant to be provided as medical advice or as a specific path one struggling with social anxiety should take, but rather for inspiration to take action and the hope for a better life.

We envision something similar to what the Social Anxiety Institute has on their website, but our goal is to represent the multitude of different paths people take to make positive changes in their lives. An example of one of their video stories can be seen here: http://www.socialanxietyinstitute.org/video-1.html

A rough version of the new section can be seen here, with some real content and some filler:
http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/stories/

Your story can be submitted in either written or video form, whichever you prefer. Also, we are glad to post your story under your first name, nickname, a fake name or anonymously.

If you're interested take a look at the story submission page here:
http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/...?do=form&fid=1

Let me know if you have any questions, either in this thread, by PM or by email.

Thanks,
Drew

RubyTuesday · 11-02-2009, 06:18 PM

Here is my story so far...

I haven't been here in about a year.

Since then, I've tried Lexapro and gotten a job where I'm mostly only dealing with a couple of people at a time (which really is comfortable for me).
I'm considering going back on Lexapro cos of how it reduced symptoms. I've joined a group for people with SA and shyness, we're meeting this time next week. And I'm considering doing Group Therapy CBT and exposure sessions (with psychotherapists in training, however, since they are so much less expensive!!!).

Some things I wanted to say regarding how I've progressed...

Shame and judgements about having this "disorder" perpetuate it. I believe that shame will keep a person locked in this same lonely and painful experience. Judgements and shame exasperate anxiety and they also stop a person from doing what they actually can do, step-by-step, to positively change: it's like expecting perfection when your perception of what this even is is incorrect. And trying to do too much, whilst not doing what you actually can do.

I think that the world around and ourselves also, make add-ons to this condition. Judgements.

Only after being pushed to my limit did I seek help -facing up to having this; then facing my need to get some balance back by taking medication; and now, more recently, joining up in a group of people in my same position. With this Group Therapy that I'm also considering, we'll be doing Exposure Therapy (where we put ourselves in situations where we're accustomed to feeling phobic in).

...What have been and still are my judgements about having Social Anxiety...???

-That I am weak, inferior and pathetic for getting so overwhelmingly nervous around people
- That I have an innate "loser" complex that renders me forever inferior to other people
- That I am doomed to a life of utter loneliness and deprivation

...Thus, I have mostly spent the past decade (in which I've suffered from this) hiding from the world ...waiting it out... hoping I'd snap out of it and become like a normal, adequate member of society.

...Which didn't cure me of my social anxiety. And when I did venture out again, it came back -aborting any new friendships I was forming and getting me fired from two jobs in a row. ...And then leading to profound depression and despair.

-The point I am trying to make with all this is that shame and the judgements about being this way I think keep a person locked in.

So, let's take the opposite approach then: instead of feeling ashamed about this and instead of adding-on judgements, I'll reduce this to what I actually believe it is -what social anxiety really is at its heart.
-Namely: it is high sensitivity, a propensity towards shyness and bashfulness, and quite possibly a great scope for empathising with different people.

...The negatives of being this way, can be grouped in what it means to suffer from social anxiety disorder, S.A.D.

But it needn't be a DISORDER. It could be a personality trait.

Take away the judgements, the immense shame for being so highly sensitive... Train yourself with CBT, exposure therapy, group therapy ...Take medication if it has all spiralled out of control ..Join meetup groups with people who have SA and go to them ...accept the seeming silliness of feeling so self conscious without judging it ...think of how relatively fine it is to basically be very shy and sensitive -when there are so worse things a person could be.

...Essentially, act in ways you would act if you weren't ashamed about being so sensitive.

That's all I think this is. ...High sensitivity, that makes being out in the world a challenge, but a challenge that can be handled and even potentially mastered.

It's the judgements based on shame (-the REAL definition for Social Anxiety???!!!!

) that take a a highly sensitive disposition and make it something crippling and disabling.

In short: think and act, and believe, that the way you actually are, at heart, is perfectly acceptable in this world. You will have to adjust, but the adjustment is likely no where near so massive as your shame and doubt would have you believe.

MisterJ25 · 11-11-2009, 06:26 PM

I literally just had my "break through" like an hour ago. So I am now describing in vivid detail the complete raw emotional breakdown I just had...

I am the type of person that never cries or shows much emotion. I am always usually quiet and I am very introverted. I have had anxiety as far back to elementary school as I could remember. I was always shy and nervous to be around other kids. I remember back in kindergarten, I used to follow my teacher around at recess because I didn't know how to interact with the other kids. I became aware that this was a problem that was affecting my teacher and she was annoyed by it, and then I felt like a loser afterwards. Keep in mind; this is happening to a 5 year old.

This might be somehow related to when I was four me and my friend Ashley went into her closet and dry humped like we were having sex, and I felt very ashamed afterwards for some reason. It felt very alien to me being so close to someone and faking what you thought was sex at that time in your life as a stupid kid. This is apparent now with my inability to climax during sex with a girl. Unless I am emotionally connected with the girl I cannot be comfortable enough to finish. I have been on one night stands and random hook ups that have lasted forever because I couldn't finish. I basically just had to stop with the girl and kind of give the impression that I "was done". The times I have finished I was completely delusional about the girl being really into be and I ended up not meaning as much to her as I thought after the relationship when I was dumped or left for another person. So along with emotional connectivity, trust is my other main problem with other people.

A lot of the time I feel like a blank slate. I fear that when I let someone in, I will get hurt somehow afterwards.

This is due to my parents always moving around when I was a kid I think. It seemed that whenever I made a good set of friends as a kid, we would have to move and I would have to leave them behind and start all over again. I had at least five different homes to grow up in between of ages of 4 and 10. I didn't notice this until just moments ago that this has been a trend in my entire life.

Even after high school I moved with my parents instead of going to college, because I didn't want to be left behind, and I didn't want to be all alone at college in another state with no friends, and leave behind my main place of stability (living with my parents). No matter what happened I always could go to my room in my house and no problem really affected me outside of my head. Because there was no way I could afford to live in the dorms and would have to compete for a menial job in a small town all while I tried to live at college and maintain good grades. All of this really scared me and I put off the whole college experience until I was 22. I was afraid that if I went to college and my parents moved away to another state, that I would probably, more than likely, kill myself.

Now as an older person at 25 years old, I think all of this has contributed to my social anxiety past and has impacted the way I am today and how I perceive the world functioning around me. I also found out that by making jokes I can distract from how shy I really am and appear extroverted when really I wasn't. I started doing this crap just few years ago. Not because I was afraid of people thinking I was an introvert, I am vocal about that when asked. I was just afraid that they would think I was just weird. Because that is exactly how I felt my entire life. I was the quiet kid sitting in the back of the class that never talked to anyone aside from one or two friends. At first I was trying not to stand out by doing this I think, but later realized, at my own expense, thanks to a fight I was having with my then girlfriend at 17. She basically told me that I was known around in social circles as a weirdo and that everyone talks about how I don't talk to anyone and act like I am in my own world. I have had numerous people comment on how disconnected and aloof from everyone I am. So she wasn't just being mean. Well, she was. She was being honest to me. How I seem to be in my own world or how I just seem out of it, is how people describe me as a person. People seem to condescend to me I feel too because of this. I felt like a complete loser after she told me this. I guess that when I found out that I couldn't even pretend to be normal without someone letting the cat getting out of the bag somehow, just made me sad and I went further into myself for a while. That was my peak of sadness, I have been getting better since then, but I have recently had a major psychological build up. Tonight made that night with her seem like nothing. The emotion I felt tonight felt as if it were for the very first time. My hard protective shell was beginning to crack and light was starting to penetrate the darkness located deep in that shell.

My breakdown…

Around 6:30 tonight I was hanging out alone in my room, like most nights when I am off from work or school, and I was smoking some left over weed in my bong like I usually do. Wednesday is when my family leaves so I can make it a long session and don't have to sneak around as much and be quiet, so I smoke out of my bong. I was smoking while listening to some Weezer CD's on my crappy stereo. I was alternating between the albums Make Believe and The Red Album. After a while I was listening to the song "Pig" and I was really high, I mean I was messed up, and it was almost like I was being transported into the music. When the song "The Spider" came on I was completely in the music. It was very vivid and realistic from what I can remember. Weird scenarios of all the stuff going wrong in my life played out in my head, and they blended as one with the music and the singer. As all of this went on in my head, the lyrics perfectly described and matched up to where I was, and how I honestly felt about myself at this point in my life. I began to tear up like you would in a sad movie. There was nothing really special about the tears at first, but I knew that something big was about to happen. I could sense it inside me. It has been there for a long time and now it wants to come out from the darkness. As the song continued to crescendo near the ending, and the vocals piled up, the tension was building and building to a peak within me as well as within in the song. I felt the emotion continue to build up inside of me like a volcano about to erupt after centuries of hibernation. The singing narrated my emotions by singing the lines:

But I can't win, I've got to lose
Give me strength to see me through
And ease the pain that I must feel
As my bones break and I taste the steel
As I go down ... the drain...
I'm insane

After the singing stopped, and the song continued on to end I just sat on my futon and wept in the dark. I can say that this is the first real genuine time I have ever cried before in my entire life and this song assisted me in the process of opening up my emotions to myself and accepting them as apart of who I am. I completely broke down to the point where I was shaking afterwards. I have never cried so hard in my entire life. I didn't know that my body and my soul were capable of producing so much raw emotion in the form of tears on my face. My face was completely covered in tears. The tears dripped down my face and onto my shirt where they eventually dried. The empty feeling that lived inside or me is no longer there. The emptiness is now occupied by space that needs to be filled.

This experience has made me fully realize that I need to get my head out of the sand and grow up. I need to exercise, eat healthy, and not treat my body so badly. I need to pay more attention to my appearance; I need to cut my hair and shave on a regular basis. I need to get some more interests and stick to them even when they become difficult for me. And most importantly, I need to be more open and trusting towards people. I have missed so many opportunities in my life and I refuse to remain caged into submission for the remainder of my existence on this beautiful planet. I have so much left to experience and I cannot waste anymore time delaying what I am afraid of, which is growing up. I have to finish up school and move out and be on my own as an independent functioning adult. I need to surround myself with people that actually care about me, that I can truly care for, and that are as equally as opened up emotionally to me with their lives as I will be for them. I am making steps to accomplishing these goals and eventually I will obtain them, because I don't want to live in a cage anymore. I want to fly away free with my potential out for everyone to see like a bird soaring high in the open blue sky.

06-24-2009, 09:25 PM	#1 (permalink)
Drew Status: Administrator Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Seattle, WA Gender: Male Posts: 1,381	Share your Personal Story of Change! Hello everyone, I'm making this thread to see if anyone is willing to share their experiences with social anxiety for a new "Personal Stories of Change" section that we will be adding to Social Anxiety Support soon. I understand that many people on the forums are still very much struggling with social anxiety, but I also know there are some people who have made significant positive changes in their lives and still enjoy being part of the SAS community. These stories are not meant to be provided as medical advice or as a specific path one struggling with social anxiety should take, but rather for inspiration to take action and the hope for a better life. We envision something similar to what the Social Anxiety Institute has on their website, but our goal is to represent the multitude of different paths people take to make positive changes in their lives. An example of one of their video stories can be seen here: http://www.socialanxietyinstitute.org/video-1.html A rough version of the new section can be seen here, with some real content and some filler: http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/stories/ Your story can be submitted in either written or video form, whichever you prefer. Also, we are glad to post your story under your first name, nickname, a fake name or anonymously. If you're interested take a look at the story submission page here: http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/...?do=form&fid=1 Let me know if you have any questions, either in this thread, by PM or by email. Thanks, Drew

11-02-2009, 06:18 PM	#2 (permalink)
RubyTuesday Status: Has B... a ..nNed herself Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Australia Age: 31 Posts: 4,419	Here is my story so far... I haven't been here in about a year. Since then, I've tried Lexapro and gotten a job where I'm mostly only dealing with a couple of people at a time (which really is comfortable for me). I'm considering going back on Lexapro cos of how it reduced symptoms. I've joined a group for people with SA and shyness, we're meeting this time next week. And I'm considering doing Group Therapy CBT and exposure sessions (with psychotherapists in training, however, since they are so much less expensive!!!). Some things I wanted to say regarding how I've progressed... Shame and judgements about having this "disorder" perpetuate it. I believe that shame will keep a person locked in this same lonely and painful experience. Judgements and shame exasperate anxiety and they also stop a person from doing what they actually can do, step-by-step, to positively change: it's like expecting perfection when your perception of what this even is is incorrect. And trying to do too much, whilst not doing what you actually can do. I think that the world around and ourselves also, make add-ons to this condition. Judgements. Only after being pushed to my limit did I seek help -facing up to having this; then facing my need to get some balance back by taking medication; and now, more recently, joining up in a group of people in my same position. With this Group Therapy that I'm also considering, we'll be doing Exposure Therapy (where we put ourselves in situations where we're accustomed to feeling phobic in). ...What have been and still are my judgements about having Social Anxiety...??? -That I am weak, inferior and pathetic for getting so overwhelmingly nervous around people - That I have an innate "loser" complex that renders me forever inferior to other people - That I am doomed to a life of utter loneliness and deprivation ...Thus, I have mostly spent the past decade (in which I've suffered from this) hiding from the world ...waiting it out... hoping I'd snap out of it and become like a normal, adequate member of society. ...Which didn't cure me of my social anxiety. And when I did venture out again, it came back -aborting any new friendships I was forming and getting me fired from two jobs in a row. ...And then leading to profound depression and despair. -The point I am trying to make with all this is that shame and the judgements about being this way I think keep a person locked in. So, let's take the opposite approach then: instead of feeling ashamed about this and instead of adding-on judgements, I'll reduce this to what I actually believe it is -what social anxiety really is at its heart. -Namely: it is high sensitivity, a propensity towards shyness and bashfulness, and quite possibly a great scope for empathising with different people. ...The negatives of being this way, can be grouped in what it means to suffer from social anxiety disorder, S.A.D. But it needn't be a DISORDER. It could be a personality trait. Take away the judgements, the immense shame for being so highly sensitive... Train yourself with CBT, exposure therapy, group therapy ...Take medication if it has all spiralled out of control ..Join meetup groups with people who have SA and go to them ...accept the seeming silliness of feeling so self conscious without judging it ...think of how relatively fine it is to basically be very shy and sensitive -when there are so worse things a person could be. ...Essentially, act in ways you would act if you weren't ashamed about being so sensitive. That's all I think this is. ...High sensitivity, that makes being out in the world a challenge, but a challenge that can be handled and even potentially mastered. It's the judgements based on shame (-the REAL definition for Social Anxiety???!!!!) that take a a highly sensitive disposition and make it something crippling and disabling. In short: think and act, and believe, that the way you actually are, at heart, is perfectly acceptable in this world. You will have to adjust, but the adjustment is likely no where near so massive as your shame and doubt would have you believe. __________________

11-11-2009, 06:26 PM	#3 (permalink)
MisterJ25 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 38	Emotional Breakdown, Weed, and Weezer I literally just had my "break through" like an hour ago. So I am now describing in vivid detail the complete raw emotional breakdown I just had... I am the type of person that never cries or shows much emotion. I am always usually quiet and I am very introverted. I have had anxiety as far back to elementary school as I could remember. I was always shy and nervous to be around other kids. I remember back in kindergarten, I used to follow my teacher around at recess because I didn't know how to interact with the other kids. I became aware that this was a problem that was affecting my teacher and she was annoyed by it, and then I felt like a loser afterwards. Keep in mind; this is happening to a 5 year old. This might be somehow related to when I was four me and my friend Ashley went into her closet and dry humped like we were having sex, and I felt very ashamed afterwards for some reason. It felt very alien to me being so close to someone and faking what you thought was sex at that time in your life as a stupid kid. This is apparent now with my inability to climax during sex with a girl. Unless I am emotionally connected with the girl I cannot be comfortable enough to finish. I have been on one night stands and random hook ups that have lasted forever because I couldn't finish. I basically just had to stop with the girl and kind of give the impression that I "was done". The times I have finished I was completely delusional about the girl being really into be and I ended up not meaning as much to her as I thought after the relationship when I was dumped or left for another person. So along with emotional connectivity, trust is my other main problem with other people. A lot of the time I feel like a blank slate. I fear that when I let someone in, I will get hurt somehow afterwards. This is due to my parents always moving around when I was a kid I think. It seemed that whenever I made a good set of friends as a kid, we would have to move and I would have to leave them behind and start all over again. I had at least five different homes to grow up in between of ages of 4 and 10. I didn't notice this until just moments ago that this has been a trend in my entire life. Even after high school I moved with my parents instead of going to college, because I didn't want to be left behind, and I didn't want to be all alone at college in another state with no friends, and leave behind my main place of stability (living with my parents). No matter what happened I always could go to my room in my house and no problem really affected me outside of my head. Because there was no way I could afford to live in the dorms and would have to compete for a menial job in a small town all while I tried to live at college and maintain good grades. All of this really scared me and I put off the whole college experience until I was 22. I was afraid that if I went to college and my parents moved away to another state, that I would probably, more than likely, kill myself. Now as an older person at 25 years old, I think all of this has contributed to my social anxiety past and has impacted the way I am today and how I perceive the world functioning around me. I also found out that by making jokes I can distract from how shy I really am and appear extroverted when really I wasn't. I started doing this crap just few years ago. Not because I was afraid of people thinking I was an introvert, I am vocal about that when asked. I was just afraid that they would think I was just weird. Because that is exactly how I felt my entire life. I was the quiet kid sitting in the back of the class that never talked to anyone aside from one or two friends. At first I was trying not to stand out by doing this I think, but later realized, at my own expense, thanks to a fight I was having with my then girlfriend at 17. She basically told me that I was known around in social circles as a weirdo and that everyone talks about how I don't talk to anyone and act like I am in my own world. I have had numerous people comment on how disconnected and aloof from everyone I am. So she wasn't just being mean. Well, she was. She was being honest to me. How I seem to be in my own world or how I just seem out of it, is how people describe me as a person. People seem to condescend to me I feel too because of this. I felt like a complete loser after she told me this. I guess that when I found out that I couldn't even pretend to be normal without someone letting the cat getting out of the bag somehow, just made me sad and I went further into myself for a while. That was my peak of sadness, I have been getting better since then, but I have recently had a major psychological build up. Tonight made that night with her seem like nothing. The emotion I felt tonight felt as if it were for the very first time. My hard protective shell was beginning to crack and light was starting to penetrate the darkness located deep in that shell. My breakdown… Around 6:30 tonight I was hanging out alone in my room, like most nights when I am off from work or school, and I was smoking some left over weed in my bong like I usually do. Wednesday is when my family leaves so I can make it a long session and don't have to sneak around as much and be quiet, so I smoke out of my bong. I was smoking while listening to some Weezer CD's on my crappy stereo. I was alternating between the albums Make Believe and The Red Album. After a while I was listening to the song "Pig" and I was really high, I mean I was messed up, and it was almost like I was being transported into the music. When the song "The Spider" came on I was completely in the music. It was very vivid and realistic from what I can remember. Weird scenarios of all the stuff going wrong in my life played out in my head, and they blended as one with the music and the singer. As all of this went on in my head, the lyrics perfectly described and matched up to where I was, and how I honestly felt about myself at this point in my life. I began to tear up like you would in a sad movie. There was nothing really special about the tears at first, but I knew that something big was about to happen. I could sense it inside me. It has been there for a long time and now it wants to come out from the darkness. As the song continued to crescendo near the ending, and the vocals piled up, the tension was building and building to a peak within me as well as within in the song. I felt the emotion continue to build up inside of me like a volcano about to erupt after centuries of hibernation. The singing narrated my emotions by singing the lines: But I can't win, I've got to lose Give me strength to see me through And ease the pain that I must feel As my bones break and I taste the steel As I go down ... the drain... I'm insane After the singing stopped, and the song continued on to end I just sat on my futon and wept in the dark. I can say that this is the first real genuine time I have ever cried before in my entire life and this song assisted me in the process of opening up my emotions to myself and accepting them as apart of who I am. I completely broke down to the point where I was shaking afterwards. I have never cried so hard in my entire life. I didn't know that my body and my soul were capable of producing so much raw emotion in the form of tears on my face. My face was completely covered in tears. The tears dripped down my face and onto my shirt where they eventually dried. The empty feeling that lived inside or me is no longer there. The emptiness is now occupied by space that needs to be filled. This experience has made me fully realize that I need to get my head out of the sand and grow up. I need to exercise, eat healthy, and not treat my body so badly. I need to pay more attention to my appearance; I need to cut my hair and shave on a regular basis. I need to get some more interests and stick to them even when they become difficult for me. And most importantly, I need to be more open and trusting towards people. I have missed so many opportunities in my life and I refuse to remain caged into submission for the remainder of my existence on this beautiful planet. I have so much left to experience and I cannot waste anymore time delaying what I am afraid of, which is growing up. I have to finish up school and move out and be on my own as an independent functioning adult. I need to surround myself with people that actually care about me, that I can truly care for, and that are as equally as opened up emotionally to me with their lives as I will be for them. I am making steps to accomplishing these goals and eventually I will obtain them, because I don't want to live in a cage anymore. I want to fly away free with my potential out for everyone to see like a bird soaring high in the open blue sky.