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Old 12-04-2005, 05:03 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default Overcoming feeling judged

I was thinking yesterday that the way to overcome feeling judged by others is to stop letting other people judge you. That means that you no longer allow other people to judge you because you don't put yourself out for judgement. It's like saying that I don't care how you will judge me because I no longer share those judgements of myself so whatever you think of me won't hurt me anymore. You are simply no longer a person who accepts/listens to judgements from other people, especially people who (a) don't know you, (b) don't respect you, (c) don't appreciate or like you, (d) don't care about you, (e) anyone else. Just tell yourself that, "I'm no longer accepting judgements from other people", and what matters is what I think of myself and not other people who don't care about me or treat me well. I'm only accept things from people who are (a) kind to me (b) respectful to me (c) understand me (d) like or appreciate me, (e) anyone else who treats me well or makes me feel good in their presence.

Also I'm starting to think that our worth is on the inside, and only we ourselves know our true worth. Our worth is about how we feel about ourselves, and it's something that noone can really touch if we don't let them. Our external behaviors don't really determine our worth. If we keep our worth on the inside and stop trying to get our worth by proving ourselves to others, we will be a lot more self-confident and secure within ourselves.

I guess this won't make a lot of sense to most of you, but this is something that is helping me feel better about myself at least.
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Old 12-04-2005, 09:20 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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this is a great post, thanks
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Old 12-04-2005, 09:59 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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I get what your saying in a sense. I see judgements as coming from the enemy, the devil. So I have to shut all gates to criticism so, I have me on the inside, protected. But, the way I view it differently than you is what matters is how God sees me, not any one else if it doesn't line up with what God's view is of me.
He gives me value and worth that nobody else can take away.
When criticism comes whether I hear someone audibly say something negative to me or if it's imagined, I think someone said something bad about me but, I'm not certain, either way the source is from the devil trying to drag my spirit down to the pit of hell. I will not accept it. May not make sense to some of you, but works for me.
It's a spiritual battle we are fighting, you know.
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Old 12-04-2005, 10:14 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Seagreen16,

In my case, I know people have already judged me as the "psycho of the quality department." I think it is a shame that many people who heard the rumors about me don't see me often enough to get to know me.

Now that the worst has finally happened, I can move on with my head held high that I am a good person, regardless of what anyone says.
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Old 12-04-2005, 10:14 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Seagreen16,

In my case, I know people have already judged me as the "psycho of the quality department." I think it is a shame that many people who heard the rumors about me don't see me often enough to get to know me.

Now that the worst has finally happened, I can move on with my head held high that I am a good person, regardless of what anyone says.
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Old 12-04-2005, 10:15 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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Seagreen16,

In my case, I know people have already judged me as the "psycho of the quality department." I think it is a shame that many people who heard the rumors about me don't see me often enough to get to know me.

Now that the worst has finally happened, I can move on with my head held high that I am a good person, regardless of what anyone says.
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Old 12-04-2005, 11:43 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by M.L. Joynes
I get what your saying in a sense. I see judgements as coming from the enemy, the devil. So I have to shut all gates to criticism so, I have me on the inside, protected. But, the way I view it differently than you is what matters is how God sees me, not any one else if it doesn't line up with what God's view is of me.
He gives me value and worth that nobody else can take away.
When criticism comes whether I hear someone audibly say something negative to me or if it's imagined, I think someone said something bad about me but, I'm not certain, either way the source is from the devil trying to drag my spirit down to the pit of hell. I will not accept it. May not make sense to some of you, but works for me.
It's a spiritual battle we are fighting, you know.
I think I do understand what you are saying. I wish I had more of a faith in God, but I don't really have that foundation or background to draw upon. I'm kind of wondering what you meant by it being a spiritual battle though. I'm very interested in learning more about my spiritual side, so it'd be interesting to see how it relates to being a spiritual battle.
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Old 12-05-2005, 12:09 AM   #8 (permalink)
 
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thanks for the replies and positive responses . It's very interesting to read all of your perspectives. Actually in my case, I don't deal with people directly telling me anything judgemental. It's mostly my own internal feeling that people will find something about me to judge. My feeling like people might judge me causes me to act withdrawn and unsure and hesitant with others which sometimes produces a hesitant and unsure feeling in others. It causes me to act nervous and makes me look uncomfortable and like I'm not enjoying myself which causes to feel others to feel careful when they speak to me.

So I'm kind of looking a way to stop making myself feel like I'm judged by others. I guess others aren' t really judging me as much as I think they are. Actually I learned a while ago that sometimes when you think others are judging you, it's probably just your own self-judgement making you feel uncomfortable about yourself. I mean it's not really a coincidence that what you think others are judging you about are the very things that you hate in yourself. I guess I concluded this because I really don't have any proof that others are judging me and because I've learned that I really don't know what others are thinking because they haven't told me and I can't read people's minds for real.

So I think part of this for me is to learn to stop judging myself and thinking that my faults are so horrendous and horrible. I need to overcome judging myself by stop listening and believing my own self-judgements.
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Old 12-05-2005, 12:16 AM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by millenniumman75
Seagreen16,

In my case, I know people have already judged me as the "psycho of the quality department." I think it is a shame that many people who heard the rumors about me don't see me often enough to get to know me.

Now that the worst has finally happened, I can move on with my head held high that I am a good person, regardless of what anyone says.
millenniumman75,

well, even if you have this kind of reputation that is preceding you, I think that probably not everyone thinks this way about you. It might just be a select few that might have this idea. Is this true, or does everyone have this perception of you? Anyways, if they do, it really is showing how narrow-minded and uncompassionate they are. It's a 2-way street. When you bad-name someone you aren't really just talking about that person, you show a lot about yourself too and what kind of person you are. It's just that the person who is doing the talking thinks they are right. So I guess you can't win when you put down other people because you are showing how small-hearted, hard-headed, and unforgiving you are also.

well, you have a good attitude that you don't let any of this get you down, and you have confidence in yourself even though you don't have a lot of supporters around.
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Old 12-05-2005, 12:41 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
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If you've been following my ramblings here.... I guess I would just summarize my 2 posts as, "I no longer accept or listen to judgements from myself or others." (because I know that I'm better than all that bs.)....

When you feel judged, it just brings out the worst in you because you just stiffen up and become afraid to be yourself or try things. It's like you lost before you even started because you have this negative impression to overcome, and no matter what you do, you can't overcome this negative impression of yourself. This is my experience at least.
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Old 12-05-2005, 12:54 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Overcoming feeling judged

[quote="seagreen16"]I was thinking yesterday that the way to overcome feeling judged by others is to stop letting other people judge you. That means that you no longer allow other people to judge you because you don't put yourself out for judgement. It's like saying that I don't care how you will judge me because I no longer share those judgements of myself so whatever you think of me won't hurt me anymore. You are simply no longer a person who accepts judgements from other people, especially people who (a) don't know you, (b) don't respect you, (c) don't appreciate or like you, (d) don't care about you, (e) anyone else. Just tell yourself that, "I'm no longer accepting judgements from other people", and what matters is what I think of myself and not other people who don't care about me or treat me well. I'm only accept things from people who are (a) kind to me (b) respectful to me (c) understand me (d) like or appreciate me, (e) anyone else who treats me well or makes me feel good in their presence.

Hi SeaGreen16

I liked and whole heartedly agree with what you have said!!!! To me what you are talking about is boundaries, how I am willing to let people treat me. When I have respect for myself I don't let others dis-respect me. What comes to mind is that saying "good fences make good neighbors", in this case I would say that "good and healthy boundaries make for good and healthy relationships"??? (or at least the possibility)

Also you talked about worth coming from inside rather than from trying to prove to others our worth, yes yes and yes!!!!!!!

At the end of your post you said that you didn't think that you were going to be understood by a lot of people, I don't know if that is true, I think I understand and like I've already said I really really agree!!!!!!!

AllTheBest
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Old 12-05-2005, 01:24 AM   #12 (permalink)
 
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[quote="seagreen16"]If you've been following my ramblings here.... I guess I would just summarize my 2 posts as, "I no longer accept or listen to judgements from myself or others." (because I know that I'm better than all that bs.).... quote]

Yes

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Old 12-05-2005, 08:15 AM   #13 (permalink)
 
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Yes, I try hard not to let negative judgments from myself or others phase me too much, but at the same time I need constructive criticism to learn and grow.
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Old 12-06-2005, 08:57 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
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Thanks for this post, seagreen16. It was very inspiring because I've realized that most of the depression and social anxiety that I experience involves my being upset or nervous about what people think of me. I think that if I could start thinking as you have, I would be well on my way to "curing" my social anxiety and depression.[/i]
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Old 12-06-2005, 10:27 PM   #15 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by okcomputr85
Thanks for this post, seagreen16. It was very inspiring because I've realized that most of the depression and social anxiety that I experience involves my being upset or nervous about what people think of me. I think that if I could start thinking as you have, I would be well on my way to "curing" my social anxiety and depression.[/i]
Thanks ... I'm glad that others can relate to what I wrote. It make me feel like what I think actually makes sense, and I'm not nuts. I've noticed some changes in my comfort level with others since writing this post. Things that I've been beating myself up about have lifted. For example, I've been frustrated with myself for a long time because I can't behave smoothly and properly with other people or I make poor eye contact. Well, as I said, I wanted to stop judging myself for things. I'm still the same like I still can't make good eye contact or respond perfectly with other people, but I stopped judging myself or hating myself for it. So I don't feel as bad when I can't do it. Also I've stopped being so paranoid around other people, and my paranoid way of wondering what are they thinking of me? or do they see my weaknesses? or things like that has been less. It's only been 2 days, but I stopped worrying about how others judge me because I've decided not to listen to/look out for other's judgements. So it means that I don't care how others will judge me as much anymore. I'm not 100% there yet, but I'm moving closer to this. I don't want to hurt myself by listening to their judgements because judgements DO hurt.. they are belittling, make you feel bad about yourself, and they crush your spirit.

So okcomputr85, I'm saying that I'm like you too, but I've been trying to change. I have always had cared a lot about what others think of me and it relates to my own lack of self-confidence. I've printed out this post and re-read it daily to remind myself that I don't have to listen or accept other's judgements. I don't want to judge myself, and I don't want to pay attention if others judge me either. It's been easier for me to be myself and express myself with others too lately.
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Old 12-06-2005, 11:36 PM   #16 (permalink)
 
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SeaGreen16

That is terrific that you are really stopping both judging yourself and being worried about what others thoughts/judgements are. It is so freeing to do this along with the incredably diminishing of stress and anxiety!!!!

You mentioned about not being 100% "there", I would say that that is fine in that it would be the very rare person that would never have a doubt or worry about what others think or self-judgements. To be 70-80-90% not worried about others judgemenyts or judging one's self is terrific, especially if one has been, in the past, habitually anxious about others thoughts and judging one's self harshly .....

Any movement and success towards not being anxious about others thoughts/judgements and the lessening of harsh self-judgements is worth celabrating!!!!!!!!

All the best Seagreen

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Old 12-07-2005, 12:10 AM   #17 (permalink)
 
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John H,

Thanks for the positivity and encouragement ..

all the best to you 2 !!
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Old 12-10-2005, 01:45 AM   #18 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Overcoming feeling judged

Quote:
Originally Posted by seagreen16
I was thinking yesterday that the way to overcome feeling judged by others is to stop letting other people judge you. That means that you no longer allow other people to judge you because you don't put yourself out for judgement. It's like saying that I don't care how you will judge me because I no longer share those judgements of myself so whatever you think of me won't hurt me anymore. You are simply no longer a person who accepts/listens to judgements from other people, especially people who (a) don't know you, (b) don't respect you, (c) don't appreciate or like you, (d) don't care about you, (e) anyone else. Just tell yourself that, "I'm no longer accepting judgements from other people", and what matters is what I think of myself and not other people who don't care about me or treat me well. I'm only accept things from people who are (a) kind to me (b) respectful to me (c) understand me (d) like or appreciate me, (e) anyone else who treats me well or makes me feel good in their presence.

Also I'm starting to think that our worth is on the inside, and only we ourselves know our true worth. Our worth is about how we feel about ourselves, and it's something that noone can really touch if we don't let them. Our external behaviors don't really determine our worth. If we keep our worth on the inside and stop trying to get our worth by proving ourselves to others, we will be a lot more self-confident and secure within ourselves.

I guess this won't make a lot of sense to most of you, but this is something that is helping me feel better about myself at least.
you are so right, dr phil talks exactly about that in his book "self matters".
confidence comesfrom the inside, its about controlling our internal behaviour and how we INTERNALIZE external behaviours like judgements.
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Old 08-22-2010, 11:51 PM   #19 (permalink)
 
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Thanks seagreen16,
Your post is among the first I stumbled upon last Saturday when coming across this wonderful site. What you said totally made sense to me. So the treatment to what we have been scared for the most of our life all boils down to "Don't allow anyone, including me to judge myself". I worked your motto into my own version and I have been practicing self-suggestion with it. I have kept saying this sentence to myself for the past few days and it do work. I gradually feel the change, the improvement.
Anyways, thanks!
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Old 08-23-2010, 02:12 PM   #20 (permalink)
 
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Great seagreen,im goin 2 put yr words in2 practice as of nw n c if it works 4 me.It made total sense.Thank u
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