Social Anxiety Support

CrashMedicate · 10-30-2009, 05:29 AM

"Just be yourself" is advice that always makes me scratch my head. I put a lot of thought into this though.

What is "myself"? Myself is the person I am when there's nobody around, because that's when I'm anxiety-free. What I think, what I laugh at, what I feel like saying, how I react to things, etc.

Lately I've been keeping a mental note of how I react to things when I'm alone and anxiety-free so I can take a crack at applying this to social situations.

Also, I've been listening in and paying very close attention to how others talk and communicate/react to things.

What I've learned so far is 1.) be confident. Be pullet-proof ie "this person's opinion of me doesn't matter", and 2.) CALM DOWN! Don't be tense, don't be eager to blurt out a quick response so quickly. Take a second to let what the other person says float around in your head. Here and there I've been able to pull this off, which really helps me identify "myself" in these situations.

For example. Before at work, when I was leaving my boss said we had 2 trucks to unload tomorrow. Normally I would just say "Ok, see ya later" and leave. But this time I was able to be "myself". I was able to tune myself in for the first time to find out what "myself" wanted to say, and blurted out "Cool, bring it on baby!" and we both laughed. It was probably the most chill, relaxed social situation I can remember, and for that moment I felt quite 'normal.' For the first time I felt like I had a personality and some charisma.

I really wish I could explain this better. This may sound like it's coming from someone in an asylum. Ha.

Bobbyrohall · 10-30-2009, 05:51 AM

This post makes perfect sense to me so maybe i'm second to be in the asylum haha. I was searching and looking for things on this forum to help and this def is something i can do, It never popped into my head to think how i am alone and use that in awkward situations. I have been a " hermit " or almost 2 years now and i have felt awkward in public since then, ie feeling like people are looking at me, wondering what they think until about 2 years ago, Maybe its linked to low self-esteem but thanks CrashMedicate I need to apply these things when i feel " out of place "

Prakas · 10-30-2009, 07:10 AM

Thanks for the advice. Problem that I have is, I'm always woundering "Who am I?" I don't do much, only hobby I have is my dog and anything at home on the pc or tv. I don't like what I've become, hate looking in the mirror, and resiliant to change. Put a fork in me, I'm done

, I'd be better off gone to make space for a happy person honestly

Fuzzy Logic · 10-31-2009, 06:31 AM

Yeah, when I was a kid I used to be one of those realy flighty people who run around the place and do silly things like skip over the gaps in paving and make noises and expressions all the time. I'm still sort of like that internally, but I have adopted this really dull exterior that must seem extremely boring off putting to people. I guess I need to get back to being myself as well.

718 · 10-31-2009, 09:52 PM

thanks for this post it was very helpful

Neptunus · 10-31-2009, 10:13 PM

Very insightful post!

From my experience, "being yourself" goes hand in hand with "knowing yourself"...which, at times, can mean developing oneself so as facilitate repertoire with others. For example, what are your hobbies? Favorite music? Authors? etc. If you don't have any, then it might be worth cultivating these areas...to become more "worldly," not only for your growth, but to enable you to engage in conversation, to "connect."

NewDayErDay · 11-02-2009, 06:56 PM

Lol your responde to your boss certainly made me laugh.

Makaveli · 11-03-2009, 06:33 PM

I'm liking this thread. That's what it's all about. Be yourself, be proud of who you are and happy with who you are. If you are content with yourself then what would anything outside of that from others matter?

So logical yet so hard to sink in. The whole "take a step back" thing is also very poignant. All it takes is 2-3 seconds to let things sink in. Then respond.

CrashMedicate · 11-04-2009, 05:57 AM

Thanks to everyone for the positive feedback. Another thing I notice I'm falling victim to is trying too hard/over thinking things. I can't make everybody laugh, I can't have a good conversation with every person I come across, and I'm not going to ever be the "everybody's friend" extroverted person, because that's not who I am. That's not how I'm wired. I can, however, rid myself of anxiety, be less socially awkward, and connect better with people. I came to this realization yesterday after I tried way too hard in a social situation and made a butt of myself. Instead of beating myself up over it I took it as a learning experience, and something I gained a lot of perspective from. It was a revelation.

SAgirl · 11-06-2009, 06:57 AM

Self acceptance is so important. I used to hate the music I listened since it was different than other people's, but now I don't care since it is what I like.

CrashMedicate · 11-06-2009, 08:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SAgirl

Self acceptance is so important. I used to hate the music I listened since it was different than other people's, but now I don't care since it is what I like.

Hell yeah, I used to turn my music down at red lights. Now I'm like... whatever. I blast Michael Jackson sometimes, deal with it. lol

FakeFur · 11-06-2009, 11:48 AM

I've always had issues with being myself in social situations. I'm so used to masking my true self from people. I've never really learned how to be relaxed and natural around others. I too, think a big part of it is self-acceptance. To accept and love who you are, and not be ashamed to show your true self to other people. I need to work on that...

10-30-2009, 05:29 AM	#1 (permalink)
CrashMedicate Status: Racing through life Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Riiiight here. Gender: Male Age: 24 Posts: 205	I'm starting to learn how to "be myself" "Just be yourself" is advice that always makes me scratch my head. I put a lot of thought into this though. What is "myself"? Myself is the person I am when there's nobody around, because that's when I'm anxiety-free. What I think, what I laugh at, what I feel like saying, how I react to things, etc. Lately I've been keeping a mental note of how I react to things when I'm alone and anxiety-free so I can take a crack at applying this to social situations. Also, I've been listening in and paying very close attention to how others talk and communicate/react to things. What I've learned so far is 1.) be confident. Be pullet-proof ie "this person's opinion of me doesn't matter", and 2.) CALM DOWN! Don't be tense, don't be eager to blurt out a quick response so quickly. Take a second to let what the other person says float around in your head. Here and there I've been able to pull this off, which really helps me identify "myself" in these situations. For example. Before at work, when I was leaving my boss said we had 2 trucks to unload tomorrow. Normally I would just say "Ok, see ya later" and leave. But this time I was able to be "myself". I was able to tune myself in for the first time to find out what "myself" wanted to say, and blurted out "Cool, bring it on baby!" and we both laughed. It was probably the most chill, relaxed social situation I can remember, and for that moment I felt quite 'normal.' For the first time I felt like I had a personality and some charisma. I really wish I could explain this better. This may sound like it's coming from someone in an asylum. Ha. __________________ A man has to have goals. A man without goals is like a car without steering. You're going to crash.

10-30-2009, 05:51 AM	#2 (permalink)
Bobbyrohall Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 1	Thank you! This post makes perfect sense to me so maybe i'm second to be in the asylum haha. I was searching and looking for things on this forum to help and this def is something i can do, It never popped into my head to think how i am alone and use that in awkward situations. I have been a " hermit " or almost 2 years now and i have felt awkward in public since then, ie feeling like people are looking at me, wondering what they think until about 2 years ago, Maybe its linked to low self-esteem but thanks CrashMedicate I need to apply these things when i feel " out of place "

10-31-2009, 06:31 AM	#4 (permalink)
Fuzzy Logic Status: SAS Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: United Kingdom, Northern Ireland Gender: Male Age: 23 Posts: 307	Yeah, when I was a kid I used to be one of those realy flighty people who run around the place and do silly things like skip over the gaps in paving and make noises and expressions all the time. I'm still sort of like that internally, but I have adopted this really dull exterior that must seem extremely boring off putting to people. I guess I need to get back to being myself as well. __________________ “There is but a thin line between madness and genius. I have been trying valiantly to cross it, but I don’t think I’m mad enough yet.”

10-31-2009, 10:13 PM	#6 (permalink)
Neptunus Status: Authenticating Join Date: Oct 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 2,833	Very insightful post! From my experience, "being yourself" goes hand in hand with "knowing yourself"...which, at times, can mean developing oneself so as facilitate repertoire with others. For example, what are your hobbies? Favorite music? Authors? etc. If you don't have any, then it might be worth cultivating these areas...to become more "worldly," not only for your growth, but to enable you to engage in conversation, to "connect." __________________ "When I stand before thee at the day's end, thou shalt see my scars and know that I had my wounds and also my healing." ~Rabindranath Tagore "Being gentle means forgiving yourself when you mess up. We should learn from our mistakes, but we shouldn't beat the tar out of ourselves over them. The past is just that, past. Learn what went wrong and why. Make amends if you need to. Then drop it and move on." ---Sean Covey

11-04-2009, 05:57 AM	#9 (permalink)
CrashMedicate Status: Racing through life Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Riiiight here. Gender: Male Age: 24 Posts: 205	Thanks to everyone for the positive feedback. Another thing I notice I'm falling victim to is trying too hard/over thinking things. I can't make everybody laugh, I can't have a good conversation with every person I come across, and I'm not going to ever be the "everybody's friend" extroverted person, because that's not who I am. That's not how I'm wired. I can, however, rid myself of anxiety, be less socially awkward, and connect better with people. I came to this realization yesterday after I tried way too hard in a social situation and made a butt of myself. Instead of beating myself up over it I took it as a learning experience, and something I gained a *lot* of perspective from. It was a revelation. __________________ A man has to have goals. A man without goals is like a car without steering. You're going to crash.

10-30-2009, 07:10 AM	#3 (permalink)
Prakas Status: Failure - Life Sucks Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Delaware Gender: Male Age: 21 Posts: 424	Thanks for the advice. Problem that I have is, I'm always woundering "Who am I?" I don't do much, only hobby I have is my dog and anything at home on the pc or tv. I don't like what I've become, hate looking in the mirror, and resiliant to change. Put a fork in me, I'm done , I'd be better off gone to make space for a happy person honestly

10-31-2009, 09:52 PM	#5 (permalink)
718 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: New York Posts: 16	thanks for this post it was very helpful

11-02-2009, 06:56 PM	#7 (permalink)
NewDayErDay Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 31	Lol your responde to your boss certainly made me laugh.

11-03-2009, 06:33 PM	#8 (permalink)
Makaveli Status: consistently inconsistent Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Sydney, Australia. Gender: Male Age: 27 Posts: 183	I'm liking this thread. That's what it's all about. Be yourself, be proud of who you are and happy with who you are. If you are content with yourself then what would anything outside of that from others matter? So logical yet so hard to sink in. The whole "take a step back" thing is also very poignant. All it takes is 2-3 seconds to let things sink in. Then respond.

11-06-2009, 06:57 AM	#10 (permalink)
SAgirl Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Northwestern Ontario, 20 hour drive from TO Gender: Female Age: 30 Posts: 3,035	Self acceptance is so important. I used to hate the music I listened since it was different than other people's, but now I don't care since it is what I like.

11-06-2009, 11:48 AM	#12 (permalink)
FakeFur Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: NY Gender: Female Age: 18 Posts: 44	I've always had issues with being myself in social situations. I'm so used to masking my true self from people. I've never really learned how to be relaxed and natural around others. I too, think a big part of it is self-acceptance. To accept and love who you are, and not be ashamed to show your true self to other people. I need to work on that...