Got two numbers today at college!

[bwidger85]

The first was in my phys ed class. I just started this class about a week ago and she continues to sit by me. We talked here and there in segments, but then at the end of the class I asked her what her major was, she told me, and then I asked her if she'd like to text and she gave me her number! Very polite, nice and attractive women too! Whoot!!

And theeeennnn...

On my way out of that class I had to finish a homework assignment for my next class, so I sat down in the cafeteria to work on it. Low and behold a really pretty girl sat by me and started reading a book. I knew that if I waited too long to talk to her it'd be hard to do so I just said the first thing I could think of, "Wow, I can't believe it's snowing right now!" She smiled and was like, "yeah, I know!" From there I just asked her about where she was from, what is her major and it was a bit nerve wracking but she also was very nice! So then I asked if she likes to text and she said yeah. I actually gave her my phone so she could put it in and she did Once again, a very nice and attractive young woman. Whoot!!

Things aren't always what they seem. I'm learning this, but it doesn’t stop there because this is only a milestone.

[its_a_rick]

w00t congratz, way too go
Two numbers in one days, that's a nice score xD

[shadowmask]

Awesome. Are you going to follow through, are you doing this as simply an exposure exercise?

[Makaveli]

Man how easy was that. Unless these girls love giving their number out to random guys all the time you've basically hooked up with 2 chicks just like that.

You've got seriously minimal SA (at that point) to have done that so smoothly dude. Go for it and have some fun for God's sake!

Maybe the secret is all about asking them if they like to text? Although in Australia I doubt it would cut it. I find the asking for # bit really hard, not sure why, I'm not that ugly! It's all about the approach and choice of words. I much rather be straight up and no bull**** and say, "can I have your number? " after a conversation.

[Alys]

That's so great!! I wish I could get people's numbers at my college..I have to be more outgoing...

[Catching Fire]

You're one lucky guy I wish I had the courage to do that. If your feeling really outgoing you could follow it by texting them on Friday what they're doing that night .

[CrashMedicate]

Wow, way to go! You're batting 1,000! I admire you're courage. Your post is inspiring me to try this myself!

[bwidger85]

Hey, thanks a lot everyone! I found out about a year ago from being on online dating sites that people tend to give their numbers out freely. I'm not trying to demote what I did today because I'm really happy I did, but I know that numbers are probably like a 30-40% succession rate when it comes to meeting women who actually want to date, yet alone actually want a relationship. So after the 5-6 out of 10 numbers that I may get, only 1 or 2 may be looking to date, and out of those 2, we might not mesh at all, so that's why I realize it's only a milestone. But then again, perhaps the low succession rate may be in case to being online, and it may actually be higher with in-person approaches due to making a different kind of connection (this is something I'm trying to find out).

Last year when I was online I used to get 4 to 5 numbers a day! At first I thought 1 number was awesome, but I soon realized that a lot of the girls gave out their numbers freely with no intention of responding or following through with anything (most ignored me within a week). It used to bother me super bad but I soon realized that this was dating. The succession rate of dating is pretty low for me (maybe because of who I go after [personality, looks, etc]). I'm not a bad looking guy so it's not like I'm some frog looking for a princess or anything. I think I am attractive to most women, but as I age I'm starting to feel pressured to act fast. I think online has an element of impersonality that actually goes against me, so I'm trying to develop my in-person approaches, etc. Like online, I realize that I can develop confidence if I practice enough and cross certain boundaries. But anyways...

So with all that in mind, I realize that numbers really don't mean much. Most the women I've ever met gave out their numbers because A) They see it as a way for friendship B) They may not know what else to do (I don't know). This may sound really shallow, but the only women who wanted to be my girlfriends were those I wasn't really attracted to. I hardly approached the women I really liked and so I was doing my exposure exercises right there. I've learned to only go after what I'm truly interested in or else it won't work. From here on out I'm only approaching, getting numbers from the women I find attractive (I always feel very shallow for saying this but you can't pretend to like someone your not attracted to). So, once again, I have set standards now. No longer am I looking solely on learning how to approach, numbers, etc, but I am now going after ONLY the women I find attractive. This means that it will take LOTS of approaching AND getting numbers to find someone who is looking for the same thing I am. This is why today was only a milestone. In reality, I will probably have to approach maybe 10-12 more before I find someone who is interested in dating.

I'm always trying to step up my goals because deep down inside I can't say to myself that I'm totally confident with what I'm doing, so I continue to learn from different perspectives. I have two goals I'm working on: bar approaches and college approaches ONLY with the women I am attracted to. This way I don't have to beat around the bush with online dating; I can see what the girl really looks like and her personality, and I can ask them out on a date later without feeling like I don't know them. With that in mind, once I get these numbers I will be quick to ask if they'd like to hang out, date, w/e it is that will carry it forward. Approaching and getting numbers is only a milestone. I would preferably like to become comfortable with the idea of approaching and getting numbers like some of the guys I know, but nonetheless I have set my bars high and I am going to keep following through and learn.

P.S. I didn't tell you how I approached a girl outside of my anatomy class today (first class of the day). I asked for her number after we got to talking and she said she dropped her cell phone in a puddle so it doesn’t work (I've heard this before), and I could of swore I saw her using it before I asked her. Still, I can't let that bring me down, because if anything, it was her on-the-top-of-her-head response being light with, "No, sorry I have a boyfriend". In any case, rejection isn't something to focus on because it's bound to happen more often than not. I need to stay positive and keep the goal in mind and it will happen. I find approaching and asking with a "rejection" much easier to deal with than not doing anything at all because it builds up.

[Breakfast0fChampions]

Congrats to you, bwidger85. That was pretty brave.

[bbarn]

Great story man, u player u lol. I agree with you about waiting to make a move, the longer you wait the harder it gets

[delirium]

Hey bwidger85, what keeps you motivated? I mean, after reading your lengthy middle post I got the sense that you've discovered that dating is largely a numbers game (analogous to job hunting), and that success only comes after persevering through the learning curve. I'd like to know how you remain resilient against all the setbacks. And if you're comfortable, I'd also like to know how your past relationships were (i.e., did you have good experiences and is searching for a new special someone like chasing after the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, for you.).

[bwidger85]

Originally Posted by delirium

Hey bwidger85, what keeps you motivated? I mean, after reading your lengthy middle post I got the sense that you've discovered that dating is largely a numbers game (analogous to job hunting), and that success only comes after persevering through the learning curve. I'd like to know how you remain resilient against all the setbacks. And if you're comfortable, I'd also like to know how your past relationships were (i.e., did you have good experiences and is searching for a new special someone like chasing after the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, for you.).

Motivators:
-Loneliness (pain)
-Biological clock (both mine and women's)
-Learning/setting goals/improving

I've never had a relationship past a month, but they were never relationships in the first place. There was never an element of full comfort nor trust. Most women I've ever met approached me. I never developed a true yearning to be in a relationship till I developed/understood certain characteristics of myself (matured I suppose). Also, the women I dated weren't exactly prone to trying to make anything last (whether that was my fault for lack of putting effort in or not, I'm not sure). They always broke up with me. However, I have had some women who have wanted more but I was not attracted nor appreciative of them enough that it continued.

From the women who have shown me that they wanted relationships, I understand that it's just a matter of finding someone who wants the same things, BUT we have to be attracted to each other as well (both combinations have never been available for me [more than likely do to my inactivity]). This is why my main focus now is only going after those I find attractive because eventually I feel like I'll find someone who wants to be with me and it'll work out. I'm not aiming off course anymore but directly on what I want now. So yeah, I feel like there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, especially since I never really went after the leprechaun in the first place, and if I did, it was in 6 month increments of dabbling with what I could or couldn't do as far as dating is concerned.

Because I'm still learning, I want to learn most everything I can about this because I think it is very valuable. It's like when you study for a test and you know without a doubt your going to do good, the same applies to how I feel about learning how to date (from each and every step). There is a big part of me that wants to feel confident about dating. I feel that dating has so much to do with being comfortable and confident in what your doing, and if your not, it makes the process so much harder. If something goes wrong with relationship A then relationship B will be easier to achieve due to my past experience and confidence in the dating arena. I think that most of the people you see today that are good at relationships/friendships developed that trait either from a very early age or later on in life. With that in mind, so much of what I learned has already stuck with me. However, a new phase of my learning is now focused on a different aspect that will hopefully clear up some misconceptions and will also achieve my goal (a relationship). And because I know how I operate, I know that dating and the processes throughout will stick with me and help me later in life.

The ball is always the hardest first starting out, but it's also true that once it gets rolling the more momentum it carries and the easier it becomes. I feel I started learning about dating later in life compared to most people, but you also have to give credit for the people who have learned how to do this because it sure ain't easy for anyone. I remember girls trying to date at 12-13 years old! That just shows you how much more experience people have over me, but that's ok.

[bwidger85]

Originally Posted by Makaveli

Man how easy was that. Unless these girls love giving their number out to random guys all the time you've basically hooked up with 2 chicks just like that.

You've got seriously minimal SA (at that point) to have done that so smoothly dude. Go for it and have some fun for God's sake!

Maybe the secret is all about asking them if they like to text? Although in Australia I doubt it would cut it. I find the asking for # bit really hard, not sure why, I'm not that ugly! It's all about the approach and choice of words. I much rather be straight up and no bull**** and say, "can I have your number? " after a conversation.

Well, I think asking if they'd like to text is less obtrusive than asking to call because it's less to invest in than talking on the phone (or at least in my mind). On the other hand, I've texted some girls who hate texting and asked to rather talk on the phone. I've also met some girls who would rather text than talk, and this doesn’t apply to their level of shyness because some of them are very outgoing, so I think it's just a preference. Still, I don't think it matters if you ask to text or chat on the phone because if someone wants to give you their number they will and if they won't they won't.

You mention that you like to be straight up in asking for a number and so do I. I don't like to beat around the bush too much and I don't think most women do either. It's all in your head thinking it's not possible, and if we get "rejected" we often think it's because of how we approached or asked, but it's more likely due to other reasons that involves their situation, so then we try too hard for something that shouldn't be that hard in the first place! Trust me, I'm still learning to fight the urge to think that I did something wrong, but what's wrong with asking someone out? Shouldn't that be a compliment? Isn't that a good thing? I often think how uncomfortable I would feel if some stranger asked for my number but not everyone thinks the same way.

[Meee]

That's awesome Nice that you're being realistic about things too, that way you don't set yourself up for disappointment later. And yeah, rejection is inevitable.

I think any time you do something you're not used to it's going to feel weird.

[bwidger85]

So I asked one of the girls through a text today if she had a boyfriend and she said she did but was real nice about it.

I just texted the one girl in my phys ed class to see if she had a bf, so still waiting on response...

I'd rather ask upfront then beat around the bush for about a week. Because, let's face it, if they aren't single then I can stop wondering about it and focus my energy somewhere else. I'm starting to feel comfortable with idea of approaching more women

[JMX]

Wow, is it really that easy? Maybe I have the worst luck in the world when it comes to women...

[bwidger85]

Originally Posted by JMX

Wow, is it really that easy? Maybe I have the worst luck in the world when it comes to women...

It’s SUPPOSE to be easy getting numbers but it's more out of our hands when it comes to what they want. Numbers aren't suppose to be a big deal (we make it a big deal).

So the girl from my phys ed texted me back and said she doesn’t have a boyfriend. I then texted her and said we should hang out some time -- no response. Will see what happens...

[quiet0lady]

Just wanted to say congrats two numbers in one day is pretty impressive. I think it's awesome that you seem to consistently put yourself out there and make an effort, you have such a great attitude!

[Makaveli]

I wouldn't give a stranger my number if I had a girlfriend. That girl sounds shifty man.

[bwidger85]

Originally Posted by Makaveli

I wouldn't give a stranger my number if I had a girlfriend. That girl sounds shifty man.

You never know, maybe she does have a boyfriend but just gave out her number anyways. Even if she doesn’t, if she said she has a BF then I'm not going to worry about it and move on...

So that one girl never answered back my text about hanging out so she probably isn't interest. Oh well, just happy I did all this and I guess I just need to keep it up