Getting Through To My Self ...At Last

[RubyTuesday]

I haven't been here in about a year.

Since then, I've tried Lexapro and gotten a job where I'm mostly only dealing with a couple of people at a time (which really is comfortable for me).
I'm considering going back on Lexapro cos of how it reduced symptoms. I've joined a group for people with SA and shyness, we're meeting this time next week. And I'm considering doing Group Therapy CBT and exposure sessions (with psychotherapists in training, however, since they are so much less expensive!!!).

Some things I wanted to say regarding how I've progressed...

Shame and judgements about having this "disorder" perpetuate it. I believe that shame will keep a person locked in this same lonely and painful experience.

I think that the world around and ourselves also, make add-ons to this condition. Judgements.

Only after being pushed to my limit did I seek help -facing up to having this; then facing my need to get some balance back by taking medication; and now, more recently, joining up in a group of people in my same position. With this Group Therapy that I'm also considering, we'll be doing Exposure Therapy (where we put ourselves in situations where we're accustomed to feeling phobic in).

...What have been and still are my judgements about having Social Anxiety...???

-That I am weak, inferior and pathetic for getting so overwhelmingly nervous around people
- That I have an innate "loser" complex that renders me forever inferior to other people
- That I am doomed to a life of utter loneliness and deprivation

...Thus, I have mostly spent the past decade (in which I've suffered from this) hiding from the world ...waiting it out... hoping I'd snap out of it and become like a normal, adequate member of society.

...Which didn't cure me of my social anxiety. And when I did venture out again, it came back -aborting any new friendships I was forming and getting me fired from two jobs in a row. ...And then leading to profound depression and despair.

-The point I am trying to make with all this is that shame and the judgements about being this way I think keep a person locked in.

So, let's take the opposite approach then: instead of feeling ashamed about this and instead of adding-on judgements, I'll reduce this to what I actually believe it is -what social anxiety really is at its heart.
-Namely: it is high sensitivity, a propensity towards shyness and bashfulness, and quite possibly a great scope for empathising with different people.

...The negatives of being this way, can be grouped in what it means to suffer from social anxiety disorder, S.A.D.

But it needn't be a DISORDER. It could be a personality trait.

Take away the judgements, the immense shame for being so highly sensitive... Train yourself with CBT, exposure therapy, group therapy ...Take medication if it has all spiralled out of control ..Join meetup groups with people who have SA and go to them ...accept the seeming silliness of feeling so self conscious without judging it ...think of how relatively fine it is to basically be very shy and sensitive -when there are so worse things a person could be.

...Essentially, act in ways you would act if you weren't ashamed about being so sensitive.

That's all I think this is. ...High sensitivity, that makes being out in the world a challenge, but a challenge that can be handled and even potentially mastered.

It's the judgements based on shame (-the REAL definition for Social Anxiety???!!!!) that take a person with a highly sensitive disposition and turn them into a socially crippled, fearful recluse.

In short: think and act, and believe, that the way you actually are, at heart, is perfectly acceptable in this world. You will have to adjust, but the adjustment is likely no where near so massive as your shame and doubt would have you believe.
....................

I found this helpful tip from a site, socialanxietysecrets.com...

This is the first module of your free mini-course on social anxiety secrets. Instead of a single report, you will receive a preview of the kind of valuable insights and information in the Social Anxiety Secrets System via 10 mini-course samples over a 10-day period. Try to apply what you learn one day at a time and you will remember more of what you read. Congratulations on your decision to take control of your life by working to overcome the social anxiety symptoms that have robbed you of countless moments of relaxation and enjoyment of social encounters.

Let me ask you to think about a question for a minute. How would your life be different if you were to completely vanquish your social anxiety instead of simply managing the symptoms when they become overwhelming? I would like to invite you to actually stop reading and think about this for a moment.
If you were able to envision a life without the fear of your social anxiety symptoms, you have already taken the first step toward creating that life. No one achieves a change this dramatic without forming an extremely clear vision of the rewards to be achieved through the change process. You see,change takes energy. Change won't happen by itself, especially not the kind of brain-change that I will be teaching you to evoke through this e-course. The only way you will be able to motivate yourself to consistently take the actions that will cause your fear reactions to change is by returning over and over to a very vivid and emotionally powerful vision of the reward of being free from social anxiety fear.

When I say vivid, I really mean it. It's not just a word that sounds nice in a sentence about visions. It is the foundation of a powerfully motivating vision! In the world of psychotherapy and change, psychologists routinely use what is called "visualization." Visualization is used to get patients to take their mind to a situation that invokes a certain kind of physical body reaction (such as relaxation) or a certain set of emotional experiences (such as feelings of confidence). But the word "visualization" is a misnomer, as visualization includes a lot more than just seeing things in the mind's eye. The powerful form of visualization that psychologists use draws on all of the core senses: sight, smell, sound, kinesthetic awareness (feel), taste, and even sixth-sense type awareness such as "a feeling of expectation and awareness of something that is about to change."

When you are forming the initial foundation for the change you are about to make in your life with the Social Anxiety Secrets system, you need to use all of your senses to vividly create a life experience of a time in the future when your anxiety has been mastered. You will be a changed person at that point because of what you went through to achieve the goal. You will be stronger. You will no longer be afraid. To get there, I want you to practice forming extremely vivid experiences in the hologram of your mind. These holographic creations should involve details of interactions with people that used to cause your social anxiety symptoms to flare.

But in your visualizations, you want to create a story line that suggests that you have already accomplished the high degree of confidence that you are aiming for. Be sure to include the sense of smell and feel in your visualization so it has a more powerful impact on your mind. For example, imagine yourself in a meeting (or class) where you are about to interupt to make your observations in front of your co-workers and boss (or classmates). Imagine what the temperature of the air feels like on your skin in that office meeting room (kinesthetic feel) and recall what that office room smells like. These senses are often missed when people do visualization, and they are extremely important to forming a vision and path for your mind to pursue.
In your next module that you will receive tomorrow, I will begin to explain what you're going to do with all this motivation that you are building for your mind. If you'd like to jump right in rather than wait for the unfolding lessons of this mini-course, you can download the complete Social Anxiety Secrets system at socialanxietysecrets.com.

Be courageous!
Dr. Todd Snyder