Getting over anxiety about intimacy - Social Anxiety Forum
X

Download the SAS Android App

Or switch to mobile version of the forums

X

Download the SAS iPhone App

Or switch to mobile version of the forums

Help/FAQLog InJoin SAS
Go Back   Social Anxiety Forum > Recovery > Triumphs Over Social Anxiety

Reply
Old 06-30-2011, 09:22 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: New England
Gender: Male
Age: 30
Posts: 113



Default Getting over anxiety about intimacy

Toughest part of fighting SA for me is still romantic relationships. I find it really hard to let someone in, get close to them, open myself up - and be comfortable with the physical side of things.

In the abstract, I know I want to make out/have sex, all that good stuff - and I have opportunities (including one coming up that's making me nervous already). When it actually seems possible, though, I freeze up and get freaked out. Don't want to do that anymore.

So i guess this is more a question about others' triumphs than my own (though I've gotten a little better myself) - how did you past your fears about intimacy and the sometimes-associated one about inexperience (since, in my case, I haven't done a lot because the anxiety made me not follow through) in the moment, when you were alone and the time was "right"?

I'd love to get more comfortable with intimacy - and hell, maybe even enjoy it. Thanks all.
listener123 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-01-2011, 02:45 AM   #2 (permalink)
 
Status: constant
Join Date: Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Age: 25
Posts: 546



Default

I have that problem and would like advice as well
wraith is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-01-2011, 03:54 AM   #3 (permalink)
 
Lady Chidorita's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Australia
Gender: Female
Posts: 30



Default

i am a very shy person and i hate people staring at my body, but when i get with somebody and i really like them its like a light switch flicks over in my brain and things just... happen! when i sit here and think about things that could happen i get so squeemish and cold sweaty hands and nervous nautious, but..... when the time comes for stuff to happen..... it just happens..

probly didnt help you, but i hope it might have sort of..
Lady Chidorita is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-01-2011, 04:21 AM   #4 (permalink)
 
Lachlan's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: flying without wings
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,664



Default

just got to find the right person
__________________
'A 'Leadership' elected by popular vote is not a leadership but the rule of the average, the mediocre.
Real leaders are pioneers. They go ahead, in front, on the basis of understanding and inner convictions, even if they have to go alone.'
Lachlan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-01-2011, 10:18 AM   #5 (permalink)
 
rymo's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Brooklyn
Gender: Male
Age: 28
Posts: 4,622



Default

I made out and had sex for the first time about 4 months ago, all in the same night. It was quite intimidating, despite the fact that the girl isn't super hot or anything. Still, certainly cute enough to have had a bunch of experience and for the fear of that moment to linger in my head.

There were clear and very obvious signs she wanted to hook up, and I had already kissed her, so that wasn't an issue. The issue was that I didn't even know what to do with my tongue when making out and even though I had seen tons of porn, would I be awkward during sex? Well it turned out that making out was very easy, it just came naturally. While it was going on I had no problem making things more interesting by feeling her up and gradually getting off her clothes.

However, when it came time to do the deed, even though I didn't really feel awkward at all, I still had a lot of anxiety in my mind: would she find out that I'm new at this? Am I going to put the condom on wrong? Will I be able to last?

As much as I tried to suppress these questions, I was still nervous in the back of my mind. I couldn't get it up, at least for extended periods of time, and I couldn't get off even when she played with me. It may have been a disaster except for the fact that she really didn't care, she was just happy to be with me. Maybe I got lucky with such a nice girl, but I would imagine there are plenty of girls who are more than willing to be sensitive and take the time to make things right. Over time, things got easier and easier, and today I could balance on my penis during sex if I wanted to. She told me that no other guy did for her what I have sexually, and I think that's because we socially anxious types are generally more sensitive than most others. We care about other people and we want to please them. So we might hold ourselves back from time to time because of our extra sensitive emotions, but its better to start at that point and tone it down over time than to have no emotions whatsoever and just be a complete ****.

Anyways, there's really nothing to worry about. Just have fun, the less you worry the less there will be to actually worry about.
rymo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-01-2011, 03:00 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: New England
Gender: Male
Age: 30
Posts: 113



Default

Wow - no joke, thanks for posting that rymo. I really appreciate how honest you were. It's an incredible relief to hear that it can happen for somebody who's inexperienced and took awhile to get the confidence to go with this... and that it doesn't have to be perfect, and maybe won't be, but that's OK too. I know many people have written that before, but the way you wrote it just sounded real.

Basically, you gave me some hope. Thank you for that.
listener123 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
intimacy anxiety? MoniqueS Relationships 51 06-20-2011 05:37 PM
MAJOR Intimacy anxiety! harrisonm Relationships 12 01-27-2009 08:05 PM
Intimacy and SA Helga Coping With Social Anxiety 2 04-05-2007 03:49 PM
Intimacy..... ARGH! Solitude Relationships 13 03-26-2006 09:50 PM
fear of intimacy... Mr. Orange Coping With Social Anxiety 7 12-31-1969 07:00 PM

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:36 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® ©2000-2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc. User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging v3.1.0 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2014 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.