Social Anxiety Support

S.T.A.T. · 04-25-2009, 03:21 PM

Hello all,

I work at my local club and there is this co worker who is extroverted. She made a bad first impression on me when she made some remark about me being "subdued" and too quiet. The vibe I got this initial remark was that there is something with me (showing SA symptoms and stuff).

Months go by and she tries to say hello with me and I reciprocated. But at times, her behavior gets annoying and one time she jokingly kicked me martial arts style and hit nearly hit my groin. But I ignored her.

Times go by again and one time, I was no enthusiastic about her saying hello and she asked me what's wrong. I told her I didn't like her and didn't like working here. She got hurt from that and made a scene in front of everyone at work. Being an SAer who wants to rid of SA positively, I told myself I shouldn't care that I hurt her. Then she storms off.

But something annoying happened.

She ended up ratting me out to my supervisor. My supervisor told me about me being unfriendly and she didn't tell who it was specifically. I knew exactly who it was. Basically that co worker was a vindictive brat who couldn't accept that someone didn't like her. I am giving her the benefit of the doubt that she is young and naive. She is not bad a person. In fact she is great at what she does.

But the SA triumph from this is that my internal thinking was positive. While I should have been nicer to her (and it's okay to make mistakes), she was chastizing me for being quiet. What I did was rude sure. But I look at it like I was standing up for myself. She sensed of my shyness and wanted to capitalize on it. I kept my cool and stood my ground. I didn't get negative thoughts about this.

I was proud to stand up for myself and didn't walk on egg shells to please her. No one is going to tell me there is something wrong with me. That's what the co worker was trying to do me. Make me feel bad about my quietness.

I am who I am. I am not a nice guy and I am not a jerk either. I act differently according to any situation. I am a complex individual (we all are). Labels such as "nice guy" or "A-hole" are limiting one's potential and true self.

You may do things in life that you may regret but never regret standing up and keep your integrity.

Thank you for reading and I encourage all of you in the most compassionate way to stand up for yourself. Anyone can do it if I can do it.

teshia · 04-27-2009, 01:46 AM

Way to go! There is nothing wrong with being shy and quiet and no one should make you feel bad for being the way you are.

After reading this story I feel I can more confidently defend myself against people that chastise me for being quiet.

Thank you for sharing! (:

LALoner · 04-28-2009, 05:08 AM

I can hardly remember a time when a first impression was wrong. And I'm a million years old.

euphoria · 04-29-2009, 03:01 PM

I used to convince myself intoversion was better than extroversion too. Now I see introversion as a trait of submissiveness and lack of social dominance; two things I have well and truly banished from my psyche nowadays. I suppose introversion vs. extroversion isn't all that important unless you're excessively one or the other, which is when problems can arise.

Remember that empathy and communication are vital tools for our ability to thrive in life, so don't ignore them and shut the world out. We all need other people, however much we've repressed the need. As a strongly schizoid person, it took me 17 years + lots of mind-bending drugs + talking to a psychologist to figure that out.

VIncymon · 04-29-2009, 03:42 PM

I am who I am. I am not a nice guy and I am not a jerk either. I act differently according to any situation. I am a complex individual (we all are). Labels such as "nice guy" or "A-hole" are limiting one's potential and true self.

Way to go dude ! I myself wouldn't describe myself as "too nice" as I've had to face a situation like this too.

Its not "rudeness" LOL , revel in it man. We S.A.'ers deserve a good laugh every now and again.

reify · 05-15-2009, 10:13 PM

Someone once told me that the difference between an introvert and an extrovert are the different ways by which the two types recharge their mental batteries, relax, etc etc. For introverts, it is by being alone or with only a few trusted people. For extroverts, it is by being around lots and lots of people.

I don't think it is (should be) about submission/dominance, shame, or anything like that.

STAT: I have had that exact thing said to me more than once, and every time it is so unbelievably awkward. What do you want me to say, 'yes, you are right, thank you for making me even more self-conscious right now'? In what universe is it acceptable to go up to someone and say, 'You are too loud, and probably annoying'?

euphoria · 05-17-2009, 11:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by reify

In what universe is it acceptable to go up to someone and say, 'You are too loud, and probably annoying'?

Exactly; who is the dominant one?

ashley1989 · 05-20-2009, 11:50 AM

I think that introverts possess a quiet strength about them, and the two just express their feelings differently..

04-25-2009, 03:21 PM	#1 (permalink)
S.T.A.T. Status: I like to shoot jumpshots Join Date: Jan 2009 Gender: Male Posts: 291	extroverted vs introverted Hello all, I work at my local club and there is this co worker who is extroverted. She made a bad first impression on me when she made some remark about me being "subdued" and too quiet. The vibe I got this initial remark was that there is something with me (showing SA symptoms and stuff). Months go by and she tries to say hello with me and I reciprocated. But at times, her behavior gets annoying and one time she jokingly kicked me martial arts style and hit nearly hit my groin. But I ignored her. Times go by again and one time, I was no enthusiastic about her saying hello and she asked me what's wrong. I told her I didn't like her and didn't like working here. She got hurt from that and made a scene in front of everyone at work. Being an SAer who wants to rid of SA positively, I told myself I shouldn't care that I hurt her. Then she storms off. But something annoying happened. She ended up ratting me out to my supervisor. My supervisor told me about me being unfriendly and she didn't tell who it was specifically. I knew exactly who it was. Basically that co worker was a vindictive brat who couldn't accept that someone didn't like her. I am giving her the benefit of the doubt that she is young and naive. She is not bad a person. In fact she is great at what she does. But the SA triumph from this is that my internal thinking was positive. While I should have been nicer to her (and it's okay to make mistakes), she was chastizing me for being quiet. What I did was rude sure. But I look at it like I was standing up for myself. She sensed of my shyness and wanted to capitalize on it. I kept my cool and stood my ground. I didn't get negative thoughts about this. I was proud to stand up for myself and didn't walk on egg shells to please her. No one is going to tell me there is something wrong with me. That's what the co worker was trying to do me. Make me feel bad about my quietness. I am who I am. I am not a nice guy and I am not a jerk either. I act differently according to any situation. I am a complex individual (we all are). Labels such as "nice guy" or "A-hole" are limiting one's potential and true self. You may do things in life that you may regret but never regret standing up and keep your integrity. Thank you for reading and I encourage all of you in the most compassionate way to stand up for yourself. Anyone can do it if I can do it.

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04-27-2009, 01:46 AM	#2 (permalink)
teshia Status: SAS Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: British Columbia, Canada Gender: Female Posts: 17	Way to go! There is nothing wrong with being shy and quiet and no one should make you feel bad for being the way you are. After reading this story I feel I can more confidently defend myself against people that chastise me for being quiet. Thank you for sharing! (:

04-28-2009, 05:08 AM	#3 (permalink)
LALoner Status: User Requested Permanent Ban Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: City of Angels Gender: Male Posts: 2,692	I can hardly remember a time when a first impression was wrong. And I'm a million years old.

04-29-2009, 03:01 PM	#4 (permalink)
euphoria Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: UK, Hertfordshire Gender: Male Age: 21 Posts: 2,668	I used to convince myself intoversion was better than extroversion too. Now I see introversion as a trait of submissiveness and lack of social dominance; two things I have well and truly banished from my psyche nowadays. I suppose introversion vs. extroversion isn't all that important unless you're excessively one or the other, which is when problems can arise. Remember that empathy and communication are vital tools for our ability to thrive in life, so don't ignore them and shut the world out. We all need other people, however much we've repressed the need. As a strongly schizoid person, it took me 17 years + lots of mind-bending drugs + talking to a psychologist to figure that out.

04-29-2009, 03:42 PM	#5 (permalink)
VIncymon Status: SAS Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Gender: Male Posts: 1,794	I am who I am. I am not a nice guy and I am not a jerk either. I act differently according to any situation. I am a complex individual (we all are). Labels such as "nice guy" or "A-hole" are limiting one's potential and true self. Way to go dude ! I myself wouldn't describe myself as "too nice" as I've had to face a situation like this too. Its not "rudeness" LOL , revel in it man. We S.A.'ers deserve a good laugh every now and again.

05-15-2009, 10:13 PM	#6 (permalink)
reify Status: SAS Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: New Orleans Gender: Female Posts: 63	Someone once told me that the difference between an introvert and an extrovert are the different ways by which the two types recharge their mental batteries, relax, etc etc. For introverts, it is by being alone or with only a few trusted people. For extroverts, it is by being around lots and lots of people. I don't think it is (should be) about submission/dominance, shame, or anything like that. STAT: I have had that exact thing said to me more than once, and every time it is so unbelievably awkward. What do you want me to say, 'yes, you are right, thank you for making me even more self-conscious right now'? In what universe is it acceptable to go up to someone and say, 'You are too loud, and probably annoying'?

05-20-2009, 11:50 AM	#8 (permalink)
ashley1989 Status: SAS Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Massachusetts Gender: Female Posts: 10	I think that introverts possess a quiet strength about them, and the two just express their feelings differently..