Being yourself...

[Dipper]

I came across this wonderful thing called "being myself" over the last few months. I know this sounds like the most cliche thing you could ever say to someone with a problem like SA but somehow this has worked very well for me. I'm a person who values being unique. At least, I value it now. I'm not a person that's into the club scene, I'm not loud and rowdy, I like geeky things, I don't drink or smoke anything, etc. This is in large contrast to the many backwards cap-wearing, tattooed-up weekend party animals who love to get ****faced whenever they can.

A while ago, though, I came to terms with the fact that I didn't want to be like that. I just wanted to be myself. I wanted people to like me for who I am. If people don't like what I am then that's okay, because not everyone is compatible in this world. I think I'm different from the norm and I'm hoping to meet some people who can relate to that; or people who are non-judgemental and open to different kinds of people.

I've stopped trying to be a certain way when I talk to people and it's worked pretty well over the last couple months. It's been a VERY long time since I've had anyone to talk to in college but I've found a few associates that I can talk to from time to time in certain classes of mine. We're not at the friend level or anything (I still have issues with breaking out of my shell and showing my actual personality which I actually think is quite fun and goofy), but just this change in philosophy has gotten me something more than I've ever had in the last 7 years (yeah that's right, 7 years and counting in freakin' 4 year university lol).

I wish I could explain this better to people in a way that could actually be of help to them, because I want them to know that this isn't just a tired and lazy cliche that people throw out there about being yourself. I understand that it's very hard to come to terms with yourself and I'm not sure how I've done it myself, but I believe if you can do it then it can certainly work. You do eventually have to accept that not everyone will accept you, but that's the way it is for everyone. People have preferences and that's fine. If they think you're "weird" in their minds then that's fine. People judge in life and that's just the way it is. But those sort of people aren't the majority. Most people won't even give a second thought as to what you're doing. People with SA get embarrassed and worried over the smallest things that people don't give two damns about.

But yeah, being myself has helped me a lot and I feel like I'm willing to try a lot more. I wish this site didn't get rid of the Social Anxiety Friends network as I was actually planning on starting an account there and maybe taking a dive with something. I've come to realize that being fake doesn't get your the type of people you REALLY want in your life. The only way you're going to have the best connection with someone is if you're real with yourself. Does it make it harder if you have certain quirks that not everyone can understand? Absolutely; but when you do finally find someone that understands you, you know that you'll have a deeper connection with them than you would have with any other person that you tried to conform to.

Anyway this turned out to be way longer than I intended. Just some thoughts that I had on my mind which I hope can help someone. We're all unique. Being unique is good. Don't make it into a negative. Make it into a positive.

[steps]

Excellent post Dipper.
I agree that being yourself you do find your true happiness and discover who you really are. For many people including myself, anxiety sometimes prevents us from being ourselves. And thats the most difficult thing, because you want to be real but the anxiety is preventing you from doing that. But you've got to fight it. Have the courage. Even if it doesn't go as you've planned, so what? In the end it won't even matter. We learn from failure. There will be setbacks, but there will be triumphs. Like you said, we've gotta accept ourselves for who we are and be positive and kind to ourselves. For in the end we're gonna be with ourselves for the rest of our life. So be your own best friend

[bwidger85]

It is just the best way all the way around because it saves energy, confusion, frustration, etc, and no body likes a "fake" anyways because it spells mischievous and/or insecure. I think most people instinctively know this but most will play along to buddy up with others, which is fine I suppose.

As far as going out to clubs/bars, I really don’t like going myself. To be honest, I don’t like the atmosphere at all, and I hardly manage to have a real conversation with someone (at least in my view). I’d much rather sit at home with people I’m close with and drink a beer, joke around and watch the Cavs on TV or something. Still, I go because it seems to be yet another place to meet girls. Whether it is has a negative stigma or not is irrelevant to me because I think it is a great place to meet people—sometimes not in a good state, but still a good place nonetheless. I usually look forward to going home every night, but I’d feel the same way if I went to a church, club, park, grocery store, mall, etc, because home is where I enjoy myself the most, but I have to get out; not to mention it is a good way to stay confident by trails.

Now, I will hardly compromise my personality simply to “fit in” anymore. I’ve been done with that for a while now, but I will attend places I don’t enjoy in order to complete a task—that is life after all.

[Invisible_girl]

Really inspiring post! I've always thought less of myself because I am the way I am,but right now I've gotten to a point where I want to change that.
I would always almost excuse myself for being me,but why should I?
I think I just want everyone to like me,but that's never going to happen.No one likes everyone,I don't so why should everyone like me.
I want to stop excusing myself for being me and embrace my uniqueness!he he..

And I can relate to not liking going to clubs and drinking all the time.I do drink,but I prefer when it's with fewer people and since I'm in college I wonder why everything has to be centered around alchohol all the time.