Why do i feel like i don't know how to be myself anymore or did?

[alwaystired]

I'm currently a junior in high school and my social anxiety got worse after my first part time job because of the negative thoughts I started developing there. I worked there 7 months and quit work like 3 months ago. Before working even though I was a shy dude, I felt comfortable with my friends and still went out with my buds to have good times. Though now after I got social anxiety to the degree its bad, it makes me feel so uncomfortable. I don't who I am anymore I guess... Like I feel like no one really cares about me.. I feel like I can't be natural with my friends anymore without overthinking these negative thoughts.. I don't know but for some reason I started overthinking more negative thoughts more than often like at work.. I started having problems talking to coworkers and higher up people there, then it went to school because of the anxiety getting worse from there. I don't why but I guess my brain started thinking more negative than often. My nurse says its cause of my chemial imbalances I overthink negative now..but its the way i think now?? how is it chemical imbalances im always depressed at school now because i overthink when i feel like i get rejected from other ppl socializing.. i just wish i knew being myself around ppl is.. this year for some reason i wanted to make friends with girls because from work i learned that talking to girls can be fun too, but i just dont know how to show myself when i talk to girls at school. I overthink bout wat to say, like i have to preplan it.. I get so frustrated and lately i feel like no one really cares **** about me.. I mean I hate it sometimes i rely on friends or ppl too much sometimes.. Im a dude u no.. y.. I feel like if its quiet i have to talk to get rid of that awkwarf silence it pisses me off that i have anxiety in school, my friends, my family, it sucks so bad.. I wish i can take it slow but what can i do u no.. I feel like i cant make friends anymore.. cant talk to people.. and just have a decent conversation with a girl to make my day.. its so depressing to me. WHAT CAN I DO PLEAASE HELP... FOR SOME REASON I ALWAYS HAVE TENSION HEADACHES LIKE ITS REALLY NUMBISH ON THE BACK OF MY HEAD BESIDE MY RIGHT EAR.. ALMOST EVERYDAY AT SCHOOL IT BOTHERS ME THAT IT MAKES ME MORE PARANOID I GUESS.. I FEEL LIKE I CANT BE NORMAL ANYMORE SIGN.. WHY DO I TRY SO EAGER TO FIX MYSELF SO FAST..

SRY FOR THE BAD GRAMMAR, RUSHED IT KIND OF

[GreenSheep]

Sorry to hear you've been having a hard time :C

My anxiety came on much worse after I did work experience and got a job, it just made me feel worthless that I couldn't answer customer queries or look "normal", I've since quit (the pay wasn't that great anyway). I have a hard time making friends or relating to people too because deep down I don't think I want them that badly but I honestly question why people would want to be around me. Sometimes I wish I could just tell them that I know I'm exceptionally boring to be around and that they can leave if they want.

It is exceptionally hard to be natural in public or amongst friends when all you can think about are the negatives it makes everything a real drain and sometimes you do feel like your forgetting yourself and your personality. I assure you that social anxiety is just an illness and it is not part of your own personality its only hindering it.
If it is a chemical imbalance as the nurse said maybe you should think about seeing someone and getting some medication to fix the imbalance, you never know maybe it'll make you a little more confident. Little steps are always the best way to overcome anything so keep trying I suppose. Try to focus on the positives about yourself, hope I've been a help.

If you want someone to talk to I'd be happy to chat

[alwaystired]

thanks man for understanding.. yea ur rite imma go one step at a time.. thanks