Can anyone relate?

[emj1995]

Hey, my name's Emj and I'm a homeschooled Christian 14 year old. I haven't been diagnosed with social anxiety, but about a year or two ago I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, which seemed to go away, but recently I've been having a problem with not being able to do things. I go to church and I'm constantly worried someone is gonna think I'm stupid, or my dad will ask me to fill up the car with gas while he goes in to get something and I just freak out. I've actually cried when my mom asked me to go into Mcdonalds to get a burger. I feel so stupid and like a little kid.

When I was 12 or so I started freaking out whenever I had to leave my mom. I had to quite my dance lessons and I could barely go to youth group because I was so scared to leave my parents. I felt really weird because I couldn't figure out what in the world was wrong with me.

When I was 13 I had some trouble with depression, and I'm still dealing with it, although not as bad as before.

I've almost always had a problem with social stuff, but that was because I was shy. It's normal to have a fear of something you've never tried, but I would think it would go away once you got used to it, but for me, it never does.

When I was 13 I started volunteering at my local library and helping a lady I know with washing milk bottles, and I would cry all week and be scared and nervous and sick thinking about it. It made my life miserable.

Recently it's gotten worse because I have more things I need to do. My dad had me fill up the car with gas, and sign my name on something (I'm always worried it'll look dumb...) and a bunch of other stuff like that. Sometimes I just freeze up for a minute when stuff like that happens, or when I'm asked to pray out loud in church. I've never been able to speak up and ask questions because I'm too afraid.

It's horrible, and I guess I'm just looking for someone around my age who can relate and would like to just talk about it with me. I always feel embarrassed because I think that I'm too old to feel like this, but then I found out what social anxiety was, and I looked at my past, and I realized it might not be my fault that I'm always feeling like this.

Thanks for reading this. I guess it got a little long... lol I'm just looking for some friends.

-Emj

[Uylsses]

Hey Emj, I think I can relate to what your saying, I would always get really nervous when my parents asked me to do simple tasks like that. Even though I still get it -I'm 17 now- I got over alot of it when I was tasked with doing more things -like driving-. So my advice would be just to confront those feelings head on and know that no one will think your stupid.

[Hysteric]

Hey Emj, first off I just wanted to say how you're feeling is not silly, and is definitely not your fault.

Unfortunatly, what's happening to you is just what SA does to all of us sufferers. Your mind tunes itself to think these social situations you're afraid of are dangerous. Have you ever had any CBT Therapy? It might be able to help you re-train your brain to think differently about these types of things.
It hasn't yet worked for me, but I'm not at the point of totally giving up hope

If you ever need to talk, you can always PM me. I hope you can get some comforting answers from this forum.

Good luck

[emj1995]

Thanks for the encouragement. I just feel stuck right now because I'm not sure how I'm gonna go on with this, since, you know, it doesn't go away. I guess it's just got me freaked out.

I'm hoping that after I start doing some of the things I need to, and get used to them a bit, that I won't worry so much about it. I'm really nervous about driving and stuff like that.

I'm not sure about therapy yet. I did do some therapy when I was 12, but it didn't help at all. It probably made it worse actually. I hated it. I'm trying some natural stuff like Omega-3 and stuff, so I'm hoping that'll help.

Thanks again. It really makes me feel good to know I'm not insane. lol

[curlsmakethegirl]

What you feel definately isn't silly, and it doesn't make you a baby at all for feeling that way. I'll be 16 next month and I feel like you do.
When I visit my dad, he'll take us out to eat a lot if his girlfriend is working and can't cook. And he makes us order, so instead of ordering what I really want, I'll just say "I'll have what he's having." so there isn't much speaking involved. I walk with my head down, I can't look someone in the eye at all. I get nervous and queasy and start to shake. And if I get stuck in a room or mall with people my age, the major panic attacks come and I can't breathe for what seems like ages. I got tickets for my favorite band, front row, right up there in front of the stage as an early 16th birthday present and I know I'll have anxiety and be miserable the whole time so I sold them... And I know that really hurt my mother, who worked very hard to get them for me, but I just can't handle it.

My mom says to tell myself over and over to ignore it and realize that in reality, none of those people are even bothering to know what you're doing. They're busy doing what they're getting done and in reality, they don't really see me. Maybe that will help you. What helps me is to try and repeat all of that in my head and hang on to my brother's girlfriend (It helps to have someone you trust with you. At least in my case.) and try and focus on what we are doing and pretend the rest of the world is invisable.

You're not alone. If you ever want to talk, I'm here. I'm not a lot of help, but I'll do as much as I can.

[emj1995]

That's totally how I get. I hate ordering food. Sometimes I just say I'm not hungry or I'll just have the same as whoever I'm with.

I hate going anywhere alone. It's always easier if I have a friend or something. But then sometimes I even worry what they think because I've never told them about this because I'm embarrassed about it. I don't know if they'd get it.

Thanks for sharing what you said. I can definitely relate a lot to that.

Are you doing anything to try to help with it? I'm just doing Omega-3 right now.

[Holly Short]

I can definitely relate to this. Earlier today, my dad asked me to fetch him a paper towel. I wasn't quite sure from his tone of voice whether he was joking or not (he does that a lot), and I was terrified that he was. I was so afraid that I'd walk in there holding a paper towel in my hand and be mocked for having taken him seriously. I got so upset over it, it was just silly.

I'm fifteen and I'm also homeschooled. I didn't expect to run into any other homeschoolers on this forum.

[emj1995]

Originally Posted by Holly Short

I can definitely relate to this. Earlier today, my dad asked me to fetch him a paper towel. I wasn't quite sure from his tone of voice whether he was joking or not (he does that a lot), and I was terrified that he was. I was so afraid that I'd walk in there holding a paper towel in my hand and be mocked for having taken him seriously. I got so upset over it, it was just silly.

I'm fifteen and I'm also homeschooled. I didn't expect to run into any other homeschoolers on this forum.

I didn't expect to find any other homeschoolers on here either. Are you homeschooled because of SA? I've been homeschooled all my life and I have soon to be 6 brothers and sisters.

I haven't actually been diagnosed, but it's pretty obvious with all of the problems I've been having. I've actually had them as long as I can remember.

Have you ever told anyone about your SA? Only my parents know, and my mom and dad don't really understand, although they try. I think my dad just thinks that I'm really shy because I've never really done a lot of social stuff. I even have problems ordering a meal at a resturaunt or paying for something in a store. Shopping is the worst for me, especially clothes shopping. I'm always worried people will see the clothes I have and think they're ugly or judge me in some way. Plus, the only place to go shopping is a huge mall, and there's tons of people, so I only do my shopping online usually, or thrift stores, which isn't so bad because I love the clothes there way better than any brand name store.

When I was younger I thought I would grow out of it when I was a teenager, but when I turned 14 I was like, okay, something's gotta be wrong here. This can't be normal. I really hate it, but honestly, I don't know what it would be like to not have this problem. My friends don't have a problem with it, and I've never told them about my problem, but it's just so weird to watch them go through their normal daily functions without any worry or problems. I don't even know what it'd be like.

[katkatcat]

I can relate too. I was diagnosed a few weeks ago, read the definition and it fit perfectly. My therapist did some testing and discovered it and i told my mom about it (the 3 of us havent talked about the anxiety test results yet together) and my mom tries to understand it but she just dosent, sometimes she makes comments about how im making it up just to get out of doing something or to get attention ( lol, thats the last thing i want!) I have 1 really good friend that knows about it and we share everything i really want her to understand it so that when/if i have a break down ( or panic attack, which i do a lot) she will know what to do b/c people tend to freak out. Shes really accepting about it and really wants to learn about it so she can help me but then there are days when i am talkin to her and she just dosent understand, which i guess is normal b/c ( thank the Lord!) she dosent have it.

I really dont know what its like not to have it althought i wish i didnt have it a lot of the time. I mean do people really go to restraunts and eat there? Go to movies without thinking everyone is waiting for them to talk at the wrong moment? Or do people really say hi to neighbors without reassesing everything they said and how their tone was after saying 2 or 3 words to the person?

Ok i really rambled on and on there but my point is that yes, i understand

[Catching Fire]

I can relate alot. Doing the most random and trivial things has always given me terrible anxiety. Driving was one of the hardest things for me. Although I got my license about a month ago and now it doesn't really bother me. On the brightside at least you know what your problem is now. I'm 18 now and didn't know what was wrong with me until about six monthes ago although I've suffered from it since before high school. I would try finding a therpist that specializes or has alot of experience with anxiety hopefully you will get a better experience that way. I know therapy has helped me alot in understanding it and working to reduce it. You feeling the way you do is defiently not your fault. Hope you find some of the help you need here.

[Holly Short]

Originally Posted by emj1995

I didn't expect to find any other homeschoolers on here either. Are you homeschooled because of SA? I've been homeschooled all my life and I have soon to be 6 brothers and sisters.

I've been homeschooled all my life, too. It's not because of my SA, but I'm pretty sure I couldn't deal with going to a mainstream school. Being around other people for six hours every weekday? No way. Not to mention the amount of anxiety it would cause me to have to have assignments graded, sit exams, and all that.

I have seven brothers and sisters, so our house is pretty crowded. We're actually having an extension built at the moment; a second storey with another bathroom and three more bedrooms. Do you have enough space at your place?

I haven't actually been diagnosed, but it's pretty obvious with all of the problems I've been having. I've actually had them as long as I can remember.

Yeah, me too. I've never even seen a doctor about it.

Have you ever told anyone about your SA? Only my parents know, and my mom and dad don't really understand, although they try. I think my dad just thinks that I'm really shy because I've never really done a lot of social stuff.

Everybody I know thinks I'm just a bit shy. I've never told anybody how bad it really is. I don't plan to, either, because I'm too afraid of being judged or teased, and there's nobody I trust enough to tell anyway.

I even have problems ordering a meal at a resturaunt or paying for something in a store.

Ugh, I hate restaurants. I'm a bit of a fussy eater, so I'm always afraid I'm going to order something, not like it, and have to order something else. I also get really paranoid about people watching me eat when I'm in a restaurant.

Shopping is the worst for me, especially clothes shopping. I'm always worried people will see the clothes I have and think they're ugly or judge me in some way.

I'm not too bad when I shop alone (this is one area where I've really improved recently), but I can't bear to shop when I'm with other people. I'm always terrified that my fellow shoppers will judge me because of the things I buy.

Plus, the only place to go shopping is a huge mall, and there's tons of people, so I only do my shopping online usually, or thrift stores, which isn't so bad because I love the clothes there way better than any brand name store.

I love thrift stores, too! I agree that the clothes there are usually nicer, and they're cheaper too. Thrift stores are also a great place to find books.

When I was younger I thought I would grow out of it when I was a teenager, but when I turned 14 I was like, okay, something's gotta be wrong here. This can't be normal.

People still tell me that I'll "grow out of it". I always wonder when they think that's going to happen. When I'm twenty? Twenty-five? Thirty?

I really hate it, but honestly, I don't know what it would be like to not have this problem. My friends don't have a problem with it, and I've never told them about my problem, but it's just so weird to watch them go through their normal daily functions without any worry or problems. I don't even know what it'd be like.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like. It seems like it would be so nice not to have to worry about this kind of stuff all the time, but then again, I worry that if I did change I just wouldn't be myself any longer. I'd change so much, become so completely different, that nobody would really know me anymore.