Originally Posted by mooncake
Obviously having an affectionate parent doesn't necessarily set you up as a happy, confident person, but in my case I do think I would have benefited greatly from having a more emotionally caring mother. As it was, I was never really shown any affection or displays of love or support from her, and I think my self-esteem suffered a lot because of it. I'm grateful I had a roof over my head, of course, but the really important things - love, encouragement, interest, just weren't there. I was just left to bring myself up really.......
To this, I can relate. I do not recall any affection in my household as a kid, no kissing, hugging, holding, no ‘I love you’, NOTHING, but meanness. I realize now why I like those pictures of the celebrities that are always holding their babies even when they are 2 or 3 years old. Holding your child like that is normal behavior, not the abandonment the minute you leave the womb that my family showed. We were on our own the minute we could walk. I do not recall them ever showing any attention to any kids except my younger brother a little.
He seems to be the one with confidence, but also an attention hog to the max. It is exhausting to be around that type of person. They always have to be the center of attention or be in control of everything or everything must revolve around them and be about them. Your spouse could die and it is about them. You have to constantly have to hear about their trip for the entirety of the family 3 day get together, or they get drunk and have to be the focus of everyone’s attention, always. They are rude, interrupt, make plans and leave people out, nothing matters but them, others do not exist. My mother’s younger sister is also one of these, and to an extent both of my sisters.
I certainly feel like my parents did not care about or participate in my life. We walked to school as kids and on rainy days, most kid’s mothers would pick them up. I do not think that my mother ever did that or asked a neighbor to do it. WTF? They never asked us how our day was when we got home, to me the dinner table was a place to fear, not connect. They never asked about school unless it was a bad grade on a report card they did not like. They never once asked about school in between report cards. I remember in high school I dated the same guy off & on for 4 years, one time he finally said to me; “We have been dating for 4 years, why haven’t I ever met your parents”? All I could think of was that they did not care about my life or me.
I recall my Dad’s parents not being the affectionate type, but my grandmother spent a lot of time with me and not the other kids. My mother’s parent were total opposites, they doted on me, although not so much for the other kids. Did these Grandparents see something? There was always hostility in our home, someone always fighting and being very mean, although I do not recall participating in this as the tormentor. My parents allowed this to go on and they should not have.
In my family they are ‘perfect’ or know it all, they are never wrong. I have NEVER heard anyone in my family give an apology for their many rude or hurtful transgressions. However, the same people demand that you say please anytime you ask them to do something. Am I the only person that see something wrong with that? Isn't the ‘ask’ itself, enough asking, the please suggests that what you are asking is a hardship to them. So to ask “could you hand me that” is a terrible thing to say in their minds because you did not say please. Yet the same things that these people do to me are A-OK in their books and they would never consider apologizing even knowing they have done something to hurt you. It is now to the point I hate family gatherings, I always leave feeling as if I do not matter, so now I really just do not bother with them anymore. No one should put up with people that treat them like that. Is this why I have GAD or SA?