Social Anxiety Support

cellophanegirl · 11-05-2009, 11:40 AM

Anyone get any good advice in therapy? Anything inspiring, or enlightening that helped to change your thinking? Even something small or seemingly insignificant....

carambola · 11-05-2009, 11:58 AM

Hmm. It wasn't exactly advice, and is only a little related to SA, but a few years ago I told my therapist I didn't understand how people could face up to their badly written papers and be comfortable enough to let others read them and not care, and her response was "Because they are not their work." I spent many years focusing only on academic stuff I wasn't even completing, and what she said kind of inspired me to try new things that might give me the chance to be more than my academic work.

ShyViolet · 11-05-2009, 01:06 PM

I guess it was something along the lines of using my jealousy and anger towards a friend as inspiration to try harder at going after the things I want.

Jaina222 · 11-06-2009, 02:19 PM

prob the thing that's helped most was when my T said to me "it's not about you". she said that when i was with people i had this secondary voice inside my head constantly critiquing what i'd just said, telling myself that i was stupid or had said the wrong thing, or wasn't funny enough, all of this negative stuff...

she said i need to keep telling myself that "it's not about me" and to look outwardly - focusing on the content of the conversation and the other person and the situation.

i've found it pretty tricky b/c hard not to fall into the whole patterns of self doubt, but have been working on it!

bowlingpins · 11-06-2009, 02:32 PM

Become comfortable with silence in social situations as a first step.

10PercentExtra · 11-08-2009, 09:15 AM

not so much advice, but somehow, she got to the bottom of a 'core value' of mine which was "people are supposed to feel bad about themselves". I know, that is insane. Obviously, people are not supposed to feel bad about themselves, but that is what I walked around thinking for 35+ years.

Also - during social conversations - it is not your responsibility to carry the conversation. Let the other person(s) do some of the work too!

hushhush · 11-08-2009, 09:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jaina222

prob the thing that's helped most was when my T said to me "it's not about you". she said that when i was with people i had this secondary voice inside my head constantly critiquing what i'd just said, telling myself that i was stupid or had said the wrong thing, or wasn't funny enough, all of this negative stuff...

she said i need to keep telling myself that "it's not about me" and to look outwardly - focusing on the content of the conversation and the other person and the situation.

i've found it pretty tricky b/c hard not to fall into the whole patterns of self doubt, but have been working on it!

Mine is similar to this. I've heard that one before, but also an additional one.
She has to remind me that peoples reactions or moods or things they say aren't always all about me. Sometimes people are just in a bad mood, or they always look a certain way (ie annoyed) or maybe they have their own things going on. It's not all about me. and it's futile to wonder what I did wrong all the time because it's a waste of time and won't get me anywhere. I just need to ingrain this into my head because i automatically think the worst.

flyingspatula · 11-08-2009, 04:18 PM

"Everyone is too busy with their own lives to give a **** about yours!"

Best advice I have ever gotten and it actually helps me be less paranoid and care less about if someone is judging me or not.

BucSappy · 11-14-2009, 04:18 PM

Best advice I ever got from a therapist was to put myself out there socially because what I was doing (being lonely and isolated) isn't going to help my disorder.

In terms of my fear of talking to women he said that i just need to let go of my insecurities because otherwise nothing would change.

I'm lucky to have met a few really smart psychologists in my ****ed up life.

TATA · 11-14-2009, 04:35 PM

My therapist at first session told me that because of my instability in childhood, I subconsciosly seek out relationships with "messed up" guys, otherwise I get bored. And all through out the years I couldn't put two and two together. Well, in my next relationship I will make sure not to get bored if the nice guys comes along.

Olivia · 11-16-2009, 12:04 AM

When I would talk to my therapist about worrying what other people were thinking about me, he said, "I think you'll find more often than not that people don't really give a damn." In other words, people don't really give a damn if I'm having a bad hair day or if I've worn the same shirt two days in a row, etc, etc. They're not paying attention to the little things that I'm paying attention to. lol, he was right.

He also told me that I can't control or change other people's behavior, but I can control or change how I respond to those behaviors.

polythene · 11-16-2009, 06:43 PM

Uh...

Nothing I couldn't figure out myself, or read for free in a book.

The only mental health specialists I take seriously are psychiatrists, because they prescribe me delicious pills. Just kidding. Sort of.

I think there are just some people out there who don't benefit from therapy, and don't care to. It's just very difficult for me to take seriously, and not for lack of trying. I almost feel like having a large, intimidating man threaten me into doing positive things would be more effective.

Pam · 11-17-2009, 11:36 AM

I like all the posts that refer to taking the attention off of ourselves and realizing "It's not always about me!" and that other people are not paying nearly as much attention to us as we think they are...because they don't care. LOL!

The best thing I heard from a therapist was something I read for free in a book (like polythene mentioned above). And I went to therapy with 4 different people for 7 years!

It was that the short-lived, but warm, happy feelings of confidence that I would get when people would validate me, were not coming FROM other people. They were ALREADY INSIDE ME. The other people were touching on something good that already existed in me. Before this I thought I needed attention from others in order to feel good about myself.

I'm not explaining it well, but I realized I was addicted to approval, and realized I didn't need fixes anymore because i already approved of myself deep down. This gave me a stable feeling I never had before, and I also haven't felt suicidal since.

JayDontCareEh · 11-17-2009, 02:44 PM

Stop drinking.

jas498 · 11-17-2009, 03:37 PM

My therapist told me to quit focusing on problems and focus on having fun. I know, seems obvious, but I'm always worrying about something or what other people think, how I appear, etc.

11-05-2009, 11:40 AM	#1 (permalink)
cellophanegirl Status: SAS Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Upstate New York, Boston Gender: Female Age: 20 Posts: 72	What's the Best advice a therapist ever gave you? Anyone get any good advice in therapy? Anything inspiring, or enlightening that helped to change your thinking? Even something small or seemingly insignificant....

11-14-2009, 04:35 PM	#10 (permalink)
TATA Status: SAS Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: New York City Gender: Female Age: 26 Posts: 242	My therapist at first session told me that because of my instability in childhood, I subconsciosly seek out relationships with "messed up" guys, otherwise I get bored. And all through out the years I couldn't put two and two together. Well, in my next relationship I will make sure not to get bored if the nice guys comes along. __________________ Scientists have found the gene for shyness. They would have found it years ago, but it was hiding behind a couple of other genes. Jonathan Katz

11-17-2009, 11:36 AM	#13 (permalink)
Pam Status: Never Fitting In Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: western New York Gender: Female Age: 41 Posts: 234	I like all the posts that refer to taking the attention off of ourselves and realizing "It's not always about me!" and that other people are not paying nearly as much attention to us as we think they are...because they don't care. LOL! The best thing I heard from a therapist was something I read for free in a book (like polythene mentioned above). And I went to therapy with 4 different people for 7 years! It was that the short-lived, but warm, happy feelings of confidence that I would get when people would validate me, were not coming FROM other people. They were ALREADY INSIDE ME. The other people were touching on something good that already existed in me. Before this I thought I needed attention from others in order to feel good about myself. I'm not explaining it well, but I realized I was addicted to approval, and realized I didn't need fixes anymore because i already approved of myself deep down. This gave me a stable feeling I never had before, and I also haven't felt suicidal since. __________________ I don't need anyone to approve of what I say or do...but it's always nice when someone does.

11-17-2009, 02:44 PM	#14 (permalink)
JayDontCareEh Status: SAS member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Ontario, Canada Age: 28 Posts: 182	Stop drinking. __________________ Cracked halo horns on my helmet Little doll crawl in cherry red velvet

11-17-2009, 03:37 PM	#15 (permalink)
jas498 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Michigan/Indiana Posts: 244	My therapist told me to quit focusing on problems and focus on having fun. I know, seems obvious, but I'm always worrying about something or what other people think, how I appear, etc. __________________ Yes I think I may have lost my ramen noodles. But if the world could've remained, within a frame. Like a painting on a wall. Well then I think we'd see the beauty. Stand staring in awe. At our still lives posed. -Bright Eyes [hr:37gjmwbv][/hr:37gjmwbv] "It is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring." Carl Sagan

11-05-2009, 11:58 AM	#2 (permalink)
carambola Status: SAS Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: California Age: 24 Posts: 735	Hmm. It wasn't exactly advice, and is only a little related to SA, but a few years ago I told my therapist I didn't understand how people could face up to their badly written papers and be comfortable enough to let others read them and not care, and her response was "Because they are not their work." I spent many years focusing only on academic stuff I wasn't even completing, and what she said kind of inspired me to try new things that might give me the chance to be more than my academic work.

11-05-2009, 01:06 PM	#3 (permalink)
ShyViolet Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2003 Gender: Female Age: 29 Posts: 1,942	I guess it was something along the lines of using my jealousy and anger towards a friend as inspiration to try harder at going after the things I want.

11-06-2009, 02:19 PM	#4 (permalink)
Jaina222 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Gender: Female Posts: 1	prob the thing that's helped most was when my T said to me "it's not about you". she said that when i was with people i had this secondary voice inside my head constantly critiquing what i'd just said, telling myself that i was stupid or had said the wrong thing, or wasn't funny enough, all of this negative stuff... she said i need to keep telling myself that "it's not about me" and to look outwardly - focusing on the content of the conversation and the other person and the situation. i've found it pretty tricky b/c hard not to fall into the whole patterns of self doubt, but have been working on it!

11-06-2009, 02:32 PM	#5 (permalink)
bowlingpins Status: Temporarily Banned Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 557	Become comfortable with silence in social situations as a first step.

11-08-2009, 09:15 AM	#6 (permalink)
10PercentExtra Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 10	not so much advice, but somehow, she got to the bottom of a 'core value' of mine which was "people are supposed to feel bad about themselves". I know, that is insane. Obviously, people are not supposed to feel bad about themselves, but that is what I walked around thinking for 35+ years. Also - during social conversations - it is not your responsibility to carry the conversation. Let the other person(s) do some of the work too!

11-08-2009, 04:18 PM	#8 (permalink)
flyingspatula Status: ◄╗Permanently ßanned Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Kansas Gender: Male Age: 20 Posts: 236	"Everyone is too busy with their own lives to give a **** about yours!" Best advice I have ever gotten and it actually helps me be less paranoid and care less about if someone is judging me or not.

11-14-2009, 04:18 PM	#9 (permalink)
BucSappy Status: SAS Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 17	Best advice I ever got from a therapist was to put myself out there socially because what I was doing (being lonely and isolated) isn't going to help my disorder. In terms of my fear of talking to women he said that i just need to let go of my insecurities because otherwise nothing would change. I'm lucky to have met a few really smart psychologists in my ****ed up life.

11-16-2009, 12:04 AM	#11 (permalink)
Olivia Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Birmingham, AL Gender: Female Posts: 8	When I would talk to my therapist about worrying what other people were thinking about me, he said, "I think you'll find more often than not that people don't really give a damn." In other words, people don't really give a damn if I'm having a bad hair day or if I've worn the same shirt two days in a row, etc, etc. They're not paying attention to the little things that I'm paying attention to. lol, he was right. He also told me that I can't control or change other people's behavior, but I can control or change how I respond to those behaviors.

11-16-2009, 06:43 PM	#12 (permalink)
polythene Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 217	Uh... Nothing I couldn't figure out myself, or read for free in a book. The only mental health specialists I take seriously are psychiatrists, because they prescribe me delicious pills. Just kidding. Sort of. I think there are just some people out there who don't benefit from therapy, and don't care to. It's just very difficult for me to take seriously, and not for lack of trying. I almost feel like having a large, intimidating man threaten me into doing positive things would be more effective.