Social Anxiety Support

locsaf · 09-29-2009, 09:06 PM

Matt will you call me when you can.
You talked to Doctor D., right?

This is a test to see if I am actually "paranoid". If Matt calls, perhaps that definition doesn't fit so well. Like I have said before I think my "paranoia" are just possible suspicions caused by extreme fear. Maybe that's what my therapist thought unless she was lying. See, possible but I think maybe not true.

Except the Wellbutrin thing. Have the Aztec gods keep Wellbutrin the hell away from me because it is more dangerous than they are. (To me, not everyone - and I don't believe in aztec gods)

My two selves are still battling. The old one against lexapro taking over. What a weird experience. Maybe this will die down closer to the 10 day lexapro takeover mark though.

Oops i guess this belongs maybe more in the secondary disorder area.

locsaf · 09-30-2009, 01:37 PM

Ok, this is exceptionally weird. I swear I'm not making it up :

So the two of them are still fighting. Really there aren't any two people that I recognize, it is just my way of recognizing the thought patterns I guess.

I was thinking about something I would say to someone, and I thought to myself "I really do" and I was repeating the thought over and over. Its another side effect of this medication for now, odd repetition of thought.

And after a few times of repeating it, I was unable to stop shaking my head "no", as though this other person was trying quite hard to disagree with the other. I tested this by repeating the thought perhaps 30 times. and I shook my head every time. But a few minutes later apparently the lexapro-thing had won, since I was able to nod while thinking of this. Wow.

Day 6 of lexapro.

locsaf · 09-30-2009, 08:43 PM

Matt, Matt, Matt. Why so quiet? The game's over. I know I've got BPD. Too many memories of my own behavior point to this. And Maybe a touch of PPD? Hard to say, this kind of maneuvering you people pulled is enough to drive me a little nuts. At this point I am ready to stop sabotaging my treatment. Maybe in a while I can actually have relationships. Lexapro-thing is doing a lot of the work though. I spent all day thinking about this.

locsaf · 10-01-2009, 01:21 PM

Well, evidently I was going into something like drug induced hypomania with slight psychosis, or mania. I hadn't slept much in the past 6 days. I lost 7 pounds in six days, according what I remember my last weight being , roughly 3 weeks ago. I'm no doctor, but tell me, is that not bad?

Time to get off of it I think. Or at least lower.Those thoughts I said seem weird to me now. I also got what I think what akathisia, quite bad, worse than paxil IIRC. Somebody ripping your soul out and stepping on it, and running a truck over it and selling it on ebay.

But don't be alarmed. Its not my intention. Maybe just my brain reacts this way very much more often than most people's. But why? So lexapro really is more potent and consistent...at hurting and helping me?

Efsee · 10-01-2009, 02:24 PM

yeah, seems like a good choice to get off those meds, or lower them. Nice way of describing akathisia by the way

. that's what scared me away from using SSRIs, even though they were helping.

locsaf · 10-01-2009, 02:53 PM

Thanks I'm glad it can entertain at least. I wish nobody has to have akathisia. I do know what people out there are feeling who get it. It took me many years to realize it.

09-29-2009, 09:06 PM	#1 (permalink)
locsaf Status: SAS Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Gender: Male Age: 27 Posts: 79	Test post and paranoia Matt will you call me when you can. You talked to Doctor D., right? This is a test to see if I am actually "paranoid". If Matt calls, perhaps that definition doesn't fit so well. Like I have said before I think my "paranoia" are just possible suspicions caused by extreme fear. Maybe that's what my therapist thought unless she was lying. See, possible but I think maybe not true. Except the Wellbutrin thing. Have the Aztec gods keep Wellbutrin the hell away from me because it is more dangerous than they are. (To me, not everyone - and I don't believe in aztec gods) My two selves are still battling. The old one against lexapro taking over. What a weird experience. Maybe this will die down closer to the 10 day lexapro takeover mark though. Oops i guess this belongs maybe more in the secondary disorder area.

10-01-2009, 02:24 PM	#5 (permalink)
Efsee Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Gender: Female Age: 19 Posts: 333	yeah, seems like a good choice to get off those meds, or lower them. Nice way of describing akathisia by the way. that's what scared me away from using SSRIs, even though they were helping.

09-30-2009, 01:37 PM	#2 (permalink)
locsaf Status: SAS Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Gender: Male Age: 27 Posts: 79	Ok, this is exceptionally weird. I swear I'm not making it up : So the two of them are still fighting. Really there aren't any two people that I recognize, it is just my way of recognizing the thought patterns I guess. I was thinking about something I would say to someone, and I thought to myself "I really do" and I was repeating the thought over and over. Its another side effect of this medication for now, odd repetition of thought. And after a few times of repeating it, I was unable to stop shaking my head "no", as though this other person was trying quite hard to disagree with the other. I tested this by repeating the thought perhaps 30 times. and I shook my head every time. But a few minutes later apparently the lexapro-thing had won, since I was able to nod while thinking of this. Wow. Day 6 of lexapro.

09-30-2009, 08:43 PM	#3 (permalink)
locsaf Status: SAS Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Gender: Male Age: 27 Posts: 79	Matt, Matt, Matt. Why so quiet? The game's over. I know I've got BPD. Too many memories of my own behavior point to this. And Maybe a touch of PPD? Hard to say, this kind of maneuvering you people pulled is enough to drive me a little nuts. At this point I am ready to stop sabotaging my treatment. Maybe in a while I can actually have relationships. Lexapro-thing is doing a lot of the work though. I spent all day thinking about this.

10-01-2009, 01:21 PM	#4 (permalink)
locsaf Status: SAS Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Gender: Male Age: 27 Posts: 79	Well, evidently I was going into something like drug induced hypomania with slight psychosis, or mania. I hadn't slept much in the past 6 days. I lost 7 pounds in six days, according what I remember my last weight being , roughly 3 weeks ago. I'm no doctor, but tell me, is that not bad? Time to get off of it I think. Or at least lower.Those thoughts I said seem weird to me now. I also got what I think what akathisia, quite bad, worse than paxil IIRC. Somebody ripping your soul out and stepping on it, and running a truck over it and selling it on ebay. But don't be alarmed. Its not my intention. Maybe just my brain reacts this way very much more often than most people's. But why? So lexapro really is more potent and consistent...at hurting and helping me?

10-01-2009, 02:53 PM	#6 (permalink)
locsaf Status: SAS Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Gender: Male Age: 27 Posts: 79	Thanks I'm glad it can entertain at least. I wish nobody has to have akathisia. I do know what people out there are feeling who get it. It took me many years to realize it.