Started CBT

[leonardess]

So, I've started CBT, went to the second session last evening. I was given a list of "Distorted Automatic Thoughts", and was told to rate how much I think it is like me to think that way. Most of them I rated myself 7 and over.

this was disturbing. I've always thought of myself as a basically positive person, and non-judgmental. However, I promised myself (knowing that part of CBT consists of these lists, and rating them) i would be brutally honest with myself.

At the end, I did not like what I saw. I have been dealing with a severe period of self-loathing since this morning.

I cried in the session, and my counsellor tried to tell me that these feelings have a tendency to persist and even worsen for a while. Naturally I scoffed. Scoff scoff, I said.

She was right on. Now I feel terrible. Anyone else try CBT and have a spell like this?
L

[Hysteric]

Kind of. I had to do the same on my first/second session. I felt so embarassed trying to be honest. And If I am totally honest now, I think I played it down a bit. Like for instance, the parts where they asked about thoughts of self harm/depression. I'd say like 'hardly ever' to make me look better in the therapists eyes.

I know now that it was a stupid thing to do. And I did go through a period of self loathing any time my therapist would say anything nagative about me personally. I guess it's just the old SA symptoms doing what they do. I can't seem to even feel that it's okay for a professional therapist to 'judge' me or think negatively about me for a second.

Mm. That didn't make much sense, did it? Sorry.

[leonardess]

^ It made perfect sense.

On the list of thoughts I was given, there were a couple of things about judging others. I gave myself a 10 on these, and then proceeded to worry about what the counsellor would think of me, does she think I'm judging her? Oh no....
In the session before that, we were talking about some major decisions I had to make, that were causing me great difficulty. She said she didn't want to suggest anything, because I am malleable....I didn't like hearing that either, even though it's true.

So, as you say, it is the SA talking.

[mia jane]

I went through a kinda patch like that. It was realization of how down on myself I think.

[Hysteric]

Originally Posted by leonardess

^ It made perfect sense.

On the list of thoughts I was given, there were a couple of things about judging others. I gave myself a 10 on these, and then proceeded to worry about what the counsellor would think of me, does she think I'm judging her? Oh no....
In the session before that, we were talking about some major decisions I had to make, that were causing me great difficulty. She said she didn't want to suggest anything, because I am malleable....I didn't like hearing that either, even though it's true.

So, as you say, it is the SA talking.

I hated talking about major decisions with my therapist too. Since my SA didn't seem to be improving... looking to the future was the last thing on my mind, if you know what I mean?

[leonardess]

Originally Posted by Hysteric

I hated talking about major decisions with my therapist too. Since my SA didn't seem to be improving... looking to the future was the last thing on my mind, if you know what I mean?

Well, to be perfectly honest, talking about these decisions with her was good for me. I finally was able to break the deadlock on all these decisions that I had already put off for way too long. so in that way, talking about them did help. Luckily, I have a great therapist. I think therapy of any kind is only as good as the therapist, and a good as what the patient puts into it. I'm not saying you didn't put anything into it, mind, I'm just saying that's what it takes.

Perhaps you needed a better therapist? Not every therapist is a good fit.

As for not looking toward the future, well, I been there mate, and it does suck. I hope your SA is improving now.
Leo